SJC2008 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Hey guys I had an absolute great date tonight, it's the second best date I've ever been on and maybe even the best. What's weird is that I was having a decent time but wasn't "feeling" it but then when we went to eat things took off and I had a ball. I have literally never laughed on a date so much in my life. She even texted me already saying she had a great time and to drive home safe. Anyway, I'm disappointed that she is heavier than what her profile says, about average. I am not shallow and even like women with a little meat, but still have a figure. She's a pretty big girl so I'd say her pics are old. I am attracted to her face and I'd like to see her again but I'm having an issue with her weight. Would it be wrong for me to deal break her off off that alone?
290312 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 You said you had a good time, maybe you should see her again before you decide to ditch her over her size?
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I understand where you're coming from, man. So I don't judge. Can you find her attractive at all? If you can feel the tiniest bit of attraction then I say bang her. After that, decide whether you wanna stay or go.
dasein Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 It comes down to sexual response. Have been with OW women where it was no problem and others where it was. What you don't want is an embarrassing situation for both of you where you have selective ED. Viagra costs quite a bit of money, so is not an option unless you are wealthy. If your sexual response to her is fine, you feel you could get a sustainable erection during sex, then sure go for it. Personally, lying via old pictures in OLD is a big red flag for me. Watch out for other signs of dishonesty.
TigerCub Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 That's unfortunate OP. For me, it wouldn't even be so much about the weight - but more about the lie. I don't get why people think they can post pics where they were cute, and then figure that you wont tell the difference when you see them in person. That one really bugs me!! But, you did have a great time with her, and you say she has a pretty face. I would suggest that you give her one more date. If you don't feel anything towards her, end it. If you're feeling it, then go for it. Ok, you said she's overweight, but how overweight are we talking about? Like, rolls and absolutely no shape? Or 20 lbs would fix it?
olivec Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Hey guys I had an absolute great date tonight, it's the second best date I've ever been on and maybe even the best. What's weird is that I was having a decent time but wasn't "feeling" it but then when we went to eat things took off and I had a ball. I have literally never laughed on a date so much in my life. She even texted me already saying she had a great time and to drive home safe. Anyway, I'm disappointed that she is heavier than what her profile says, about average. I am not shallow and even like women with a little meat, but still have a figure. She's a pretty big girl so I'd say her pics are old. I am attracted to her face and I'd like to see her again but I'm having an issue with her weight. Would it be wrong for me to deal break her off off that alone? I'd say try one more date. If you still got concerns then move on. However if you start to feel good chemestry then continue to see where it goes. In the mean time I suggest to see other people as well don't limit your options to just one person.
Author SJC2008 Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 I'm on moderator approval so my responses take longer. I wouldn't have any ED problems with her lol I would do the deed with her! I just don't like the fact she put about average. Long story short, I'm 5'10" 205. You can see a little stomach on me throug my shirt but she has a bigger stomach than I do and may weigh close to me and she's 5'5. I put a few extra pounds on my listing.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Yeah I'm not really big on the deception part that some women use to lure men in with OLD, It just seems immature, childish and ultimately disappointing when someone chooses to represent themselves in an unrealistic or untruthful manner. For me I'd say It's somewhat of a deal breaker, more because of the lie. Maybe she doesn't realize she put on that much weight or she's likely insecure which is why she chose the prior picks but even then that still just rubs me the wrong way, I would just prefer a person to be honest about their weight instead of put someone in an awkward position. If you really enjoyed your time with her and still feel the sexual/physical appeal then that's up to you to decide whether you are able to look past that. If it bothers you a lot however and she's not really your type, I wouldn't expect her to change or try to change her (not to say that you will or are thinking that way but it happens) I would just let her go on her way and let her be herself and be with someone who Is satisfied and attracted to her otherwise in her current state...after all the majority of people get bigger not skinnier over time So If it's bad now, It'll probably be worse later! (even though I know some will say that's not necessarily true but I wouldn't assume she'd lose weight by any means If I were in your shoes, but that's up to you) Ultimately maybe you need another date to really asses this and determine whether it's something you can look past/accept, or come to find you're ok with it...just be honest with yourself though.
dasein Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Yeah I'm not really big on the deception part that some women use to lure men in with OLD, I know you probably didn't mean the above in an exclusive way, but to be fair, men do a huge amount of picture lying OLD too. It's a minefield of deception that takes patience and skill to wade through. 1
Author SJC2008 Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Ok I decided to no longer date her. We went out Sat and she already texted me yesterday and today without me initiating contact. I usually call 2-3 days after a date if interested. I like it when a woman initiates but in this case it's turning me off so I got my answer about how I feel about things. I will send her an email through the site but what do I say?
olivec Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Ok I decided to no longer date her. We went out Sat and she already texted me yesterday and today without me initiating contact. I usually call 2-3 days after a date if interested. I like it when a woman initiates but in this case it's turning me off so I got my answer about how I feel about things. I will send her an email through the site but what do I say? Just delete her number man and move on. You don't owe her anything as its not like you've been dating her for months.
sid3 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I'm on moderator approval so my responses take longer. Haha...you're quite the trouble maker. Don't feel bad about not being attracted to her even though your date went well. There's no shortage of women out there. Wish her good luck if you feel like it. You don't owe her anything at this point.
irc333 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Yeah, some people do those angle shots, where they take the picture from above their headas or from the side...then you see them in person, and only THEN you see how wide they really are. Is this deception as well?
Leigh 87 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 My boyfriend is not really into online dating but did try it once, when his dad told him he should meet new people outside his friendship group on it. First time - not lucky. The girl did an above the head sort of shot, so he could not see her double chin. He met her and she weighed a tad more than he did - he is a cuddly body type, and is a little over 6 feet tall..... It is plain deception. I post one pic without any make up to people who are interested in me. If they do not like the real me, forget it.
TigerCub Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Ok I decided to no longer date her. We went out Sat and she already texted me yesterday and today without me initiating contact. I usually call 2-3 days after a date if interested. I like it when a woman initiates but in this case it's turning me off so I got my answer about how I feel about things. I will send her an email through the site but what do I say? I think its good that you want to email her. You should just say "It was really nice to get to know you, but I'm really not feeling such a connection and I don't want to lead you on or waste your time. Best of luck with your search. Take care,"
FitChick Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I think you can have a great time with someone you're not physically attracted to. It's that last bit that makes someone a possible lover and not just a friend.
luvkitties Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I think terms such as "about average", "a few extra pounds", etc are so vague and open to various interpretation. Maybe this particular woman saw herself as average simply because the average American female nowadays is about a size 14-16 and keeps increasing due to poor eating habits and decreased fitness. Even if she had chosen "a few extra pounds", what constitutes a few--10,20, 50? I wouldn't necessarily say that she was being deceptive, but if you weren't attracted to her anyway, it's good that you ended it so that she can find someone who does appreciate her curves.
Author SJC2008 Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 I think terms such as "about average", "a few extra pounds", etc are so vague and open to various interpretation. Maybe this particular woman saw herself as average simply because the average American female nowadays is about a size 14-16 and keeps increasing due to poor eating habits and decreased fitness. Even if she had chosen "a few extra pounds", what constitutes a few--10,20, 50? I wouldn't necessarily say that she was being deceptive, but if you weren't attracted to her anyway, it's good that you ended it so that she can find someone who does appreciate her curves. Thanks for the opinion but this woman is not about average. I'm 5'10 205. I wear 36 jeans and it's obvious that I have a stomach, not a beer belly but it is visible. I list myself as a few extra pounds because I'm honest and want the women to know who they're dating. I have full body pics and face shots. There is a woman I email on the site and she gives me advice (I asked her and she was nice enough to do so) and she told me I don't look fat and asked why I put a few extra. Anyway, if we did a ratio if she was about average I'd be slender so that's what I'm getting at. And I am not slender. Also, for her requirements she had about average and athletic and toned and a minimum heigh of 5'10 and I almost didn't email her. Now add the fact that she had all face shots and the few body shots were hard to see. I'm not bashing her or judging her, she's a very nice woman but she was blatantly dishonest.
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