My sister

[Real36]

I am 30, my sister is 26. Last year, she got a decent job and moved out of our dad's house to live with a cousin who is her age. She and I have been close for the last few years (since I moved back to theme state). I considered her my best friend. I let her cry on my shoulder, supported her through the tough times in our family, and encouraged her to move out. Since she has moved she has become impossible to deal with. She has always been aggressive but now its to the point that she is alienating many people who love her. Me, my brother and a few other family members. I don't like admitting it but I almost don't want to invite her to Mother's Day dinner because she is so loud and brash that she makes everything dramatic and complicated. I love her very much, I tend to think I must have been this way when I started out on my own but I am having a hard time not being angry with her behavior, she is an adult and should be able to behave as one. How do I just accept my 'new' sister (her words) and not turn into the stereotypical bitch older sister. I miss the relationship we had before, I don't want to end up like my mom and her sisters. Suggestions?

[january2011]

It may be that she suppressed her personality while living with your dad and this is who she really wants to be. If that's the case and you want to continue to be in her life, you might have to accept that this is what you have to work with.

 

Talk to her. Have a heart-to-heart. Find out what's going on in her life and why she's so angry all the time. Get to know her again.

[Real36]

Thanks for your input January. Its great advice but we have had many heart to heart talks about the changes she is going through. I think much of the problem comes from my being more of a mother/authority figure to her than a sibling when we were kids. Mayne she is rebelling against me now. She is kinda going through the 'wild' stage most of us went through in our teens and 20s. I am gonna keep being there when she needs me but its hard. She is selfish and mean, Im not exaggerating.

[DontWorryBHappy]

If you were unfortunate enough to be really heavily invested in the relationship, it will be a real process. My ex broke up with me about a year ago, but a month and a half later he came back. Then it fell apart swiftly after that. It was a little hard to have a relationship with someone who says they don't love you anymore, but "really likes you a lot". Anyway, after that it took me months just to not wake up feeling like death every single day... at least half of a year was spent in pure misery. Once I got to that point, it took more months to not be emotionally influenced by thoughts of him, and to get rid of the urges to contact him. Now at one year in, I believe that I still would feel a little emotion if I ever saw him, but that isn't because of who he is, it's because of the way the memories made me feel.

 

For the first several months it was hard to get myself to realize that he wasn't "mine" anymore. But now I'm at the point where he's just someone from my past who can still bring back some tough memories. I felt like such hell after the breakup, and after watching it fall apart again after trying to get back together, and after snapping in the end and lashing out at him (which had the added bonus of scaring him away I guess). I'd say you move on faster when you aren't on any terms with them... I attempted to be friendly with my ex months down the line, but I was sensitive to everything he did or said, and eventually it got the best of me. But I think it's for the best to just let them go, because when we're hurting we don't always have the ability to be so emotionally mature. Sometimes it just all goes to hell, and you have to simply pick up the pieces and rebuild yourself back into something better than before... without your ex.

Edited April 30, 2012 by DontWorryBHappy