Texsec Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Yeah Fitz, I hear you...Current girl has done some really weird stuff...moving out in June, busted her July, calls out of the blue and wanted to take me out for my birthday in Aug, Dinner dancing, then poof! NC for 5 weeks, called wanted to know about her car insurance, called at Christmas, Dad needed operation and no money, Called her mom said I would help. She cried in my arms on the porch...Dad is now stage IV cancer. Called again, her dog was really ill, insisted I look at her before she went to the vet? I had shoulder surgery Dec 30th, nothing major, Cuff tear, tendon tear. insisted she come help me wash 3 days after. Very hot/cold...She would get close then run, close then run...Now she is broke or clams to be and is wanted to get a divorce...Says we can always get married later, but, can't be married to me "right now?" This from a Masters degreed accountant/financial analyst with 10 years exp....I was really good to her too...all very sudden, all the lines....all the lies....
wilsonx Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 (edited) Nope GIGS doesnt exist and they never come back. 3 times, man I would shoot myself. You are definitely in a rough spot 3 more times and you will pass homebrew/gibson Edited May 1, 2012 by wilsonx
Texsec Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 What do you make of my current situation Wilsonx? I would love to hear from you about it. I have been reading posts for almost a year....You think she will bounce back again? When we discussed the settlement, it was supposed to be a 20 min sit down...it turned into 3 hours of her crying every time I asked her what she wanted...She kept saying over and over," you just want me to come home so you can hurt me" or "every time we fight, you will throw it in my face" This after months of me asking her to go back to counseling and showing nothing but forgiveness and being willing to work on it....Its scary how fast she has flushed her morals and self esteem down the crapper.....
wilsonx Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Rules of GIGS 1) Do not put any pressure on them, set your boundaries and stick to them. They do not care about anything including themselves. 2) Dont tell her shes broken or try to fix her. You know shes broken, I know shes broken, she thinks shes perfectly fine. Tell her, lets knock this divorce out of the way, you dont want to be with me good luck and stick up for your own self. 3) Stop asking her what she wants and figure out what you want. If you want her, kick her to the curb and accept nothing less then her former self. Everytime she calls, texts, meets up with you, be honest with yourself, if its her former self say hey how are you, if its not, say I do not want any part of you the way you are now and wish her on her marry way
gibson Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 "Sowing their wild oats" (G.I.G.S.) / a moral compass that always points north... Do not go hand in hand.
Texsec Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Thanks gents, its good to trade mail with you two after months of reading... I really don't want to set the record for GIGS kicking my ass.....LOL That is exactly what I did with the first two...gave up and moved on. I have had a hard time with this one, I wanted to spend my life with her.... Her issues may stem from being abandoned by her bio dad at 3, adopted dad is a boozer (reformed, almost killed himself when he totaled the family car DUI) had a strained relation with him. College BF cheated on her with roomie, second great love got physical with her,(she is 5', 109) hated her family. I showed her love and support, adore her family as the one I never had. I made mistakes, begged, pleaded..the usual stupid tricks. She would get mean, then shows up smiles, then pull away again....Now its NC unless its business. She go a new car, bought a bunch of new furniture, clothes, started yoga, reinventing herself but still hanging with losers. She moved to a gated apt and lied about it after I busted her, doesn't want me to see her FU I guess. She was always very frugal, and now seems to be broke all the time.... To the nay sayers out there about GIGS, you will never convince me it is not real....I have seen it first hand, more than once, all about 30, all loved and adored.
Texsec Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I sympathize with you, man! My ex hit her early thirties and did a complete 180 too. She went from being a complete religious goody-two shoes and then straight into jail, cheating with married men & sugar daddies, drinking like a lush, and other acts of depravity I'm still too embarrassed to admit on an anonymous forum (even though I had nothing to do with it). Yeah, she turned into a completely different person. So I've personally found a lot of truth in what Gibson and Wilsonx have to say. Sure, I'm not perfect but I am working on myself. And I'm not hiding behind GIGS to deny my own accountability in the break up or as an excuse to be complacent in life. But I was in an otherwise "happy" relationship until my ex went crazy and the secrets started coming out. I do believe that some women start to feel their mortality in their thirties. And it drives them into panic and desperation. So they make a crazy last ditch effort in the pursuit of happiness -to make it through the metaphorical closing window of opportunity. We ALL feel our mortality at some point, but, most of us don't let it ruin our lives and the lives of those we love...I own my mistakes and I'm willing to work on them, they are not. It's much easier to blame us and then just move on to a new someone or new history. I just gets me at some point they wake up and say "Dammit! I screwed up!" It's like they are on a drug that totally changes them from the core person they were.....
wilsonx Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Thanks gents, its good to trade mail with you two after months of reading... I really don't want to set the record for GIGS kicking my ass.....LOL That is exactly what I did with the first two...gave up and moved on. I have had a hard time with this one, I wanted to spend my life with her.... Her issues may stem from being abandoned by her bio dad at 3, adopted dad is a boozer (reformed, almost killed himself when he totaled the family car DUI) had a strained relation with him. College BF cheated on her with roomie, second great love got physical with her,(she is 5', 109) hated her family. I showed her love and support, adore her family as the one I never had. I made mistakes, begged, pleaded..the usual stupid tricks. She would get mean, then shows up smiles, then pull away again....Now its NC unless its business. She go a new car, bought a bunch of new furniture, clothes, started yoga, reinventing herself but still hanging with losers. She moved to a gated apt and lied about it after I busted her, doesn't want me to see her FU I guess. She was always very frugal, and now seems to be broke all the time.... To the nay sayers out there about GIGS, you will never convince me it is not real....I have seen it first hand, more than once, all about 30, all loved and adored. Youve got it figured out. You didn't do anything wrong. Theres no shame in making mistakes, begging or pleading with someone you love. You know the outcome, you are 2 for 2 already. Just keep focusing on you chose to do in the future will be the best thing for you. Dont focus so much on a person's past like its a negative thing. You loved her to start dont paint her black now. Her gigsing out is not a reflection of you. Its her problems and issues she needs to deal with
Texsec Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 No, I could never paint her black, someone put it in her head I would Physicaly hurt her... I'm 6'4 265 lb security pro.... I bumped her with and elbow 3 years ago by accident when we were playing and had to go in the other room because I was so ashamed... These are the things surfacing, like someone is in her ear... I really love this girl and hope we can be together down the road, she even said that many times, " we can always be married again later" I told her this ain't high school and you don't get do overs.... I was very bitter and went after the AP one day, but it would ruin me professionally to do that... No, still love her... Just have to let her wreck herself and then see if she is a rebuilder or totaled.... Reading posts on here helps me more than any book, counselor or friend could...
Texsec Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 GiGs happens due to western culture.in my place (Asia) rarely theres cases similar to GiGs,on the other hand,i observed a majority among people in western nations had it.I personally think its due to childhood lack guidance,many problems stemming from their parents,making their children uncertain in many things,as a saying goes "The shape of the mould makes the shape of the cake".no offence to anyone kay TD Hmmm, maybe I need a nice Asian girl that can be happy with what she has?.. Lol...
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