k100danny Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 I posted here a couple of weeks go, basically i was in a relationship for almost 6 months, I was in love and so was she as far as i could see but she was very demanding and quite controlling which got worse over time. I have an anxiety condition which is sometimes better than other and it started to feel like a lot of pressure on me to be well again or as she sometimes said JUST MAN UP AND GET OVER IT!!! Anyway after around 4 months we found out she was pregnant, this came as a massive shock and we spoke it over and decided that we werent ready, we hadnt been together long enough and we didnt know each other that well, that with my anxiety issues ect we decided that we were not going to keep the baby. During our time together she had many arguments with me and broke up with me several times and then later said its because i want attention or i feel it will give you the motivation to do things or to get well. I started to feel i couldnt be myself and also was fearful that she wasnt happy. after we went to the hospital for the termination which i was by her side for we felt slightly closer in a way, it was a stressful situation and i think we stuck by each other well. But after we seemed to drift, i dont know if it was all the stress that has made me anxious and depressed or the feeling that it has changed our relationship forever but i havent been myself for a couple of weeks and she has said i wasnt supportive, i have tried to be but at times i have felt like a punchbag whenever she feels down and there is only so much someone can take. She broke up with me last week and said it wasnt working (this has been said before) and it was a shock because it actually felt over this time like we were drifting, we didnt see each other for almost a week but she started texting ect nd saying she wants it to work even though she is going travelling and she want us to have a life together she is just emotional after everything we have been through ect. anyway this was the first time i started to think wow it really is over, i expressed my concerns and she kept asking if she could see me. I said i needed an apology because even though i totally udnerstand her emotions being how they are i have been hurting too and i have tried to be supportive and arguiing with me and splitting up with me while screaming at me all the time is not acceptable, im an anxious person anyway i like stability not to feel on edge. We met up on tuesday and it was ok, we spoke a bit ect, and she said i didnt seem to be letting it go, i said id like to but it wont happen over night and i am just sick of arguing and feeling like im not good enough it is making me pull away. we had a chat about it and went home together for a few hours. The next day she said that I dont tell her i love her as much anymore and i dont call as much ect (this isnt surprising with the arguing ect) and she didnt feel as close to me, i said i understand that, i said if we are going to stay together it wont get back on track overnight but we have to learn to talk to each other and express feelings without starting an argument to get your way, im not a mind reader and i only know what she is going through if she tells me. anyway today i had been up all night with toothache and she text asking if i would like to go out for dinner with her and a couple of friends, now i wanted to see her but i was in so much pain and its hard to focus on anything with wisdom tooth pain but i said yeah that sounds cool. She asked me to book the restaurant and i went but it was too late and no tables left, i told her this and i sai i didnt know what to do, she kind of made out i should be making suggestions and i should have gone to some more restaurants ect but i dont ever know what is the right thing to do, she put the phone down and i didnt text, i get two text messages, first one says i am working 70 hours a week and im tired you could at least try to do something so we can spend time together, 2 nd message before ive replied says "You just seem so uninterested i will go to bed then again and not do anything" I didnt reply to this i didnt want to argue or anything and i was a bit busy at the time and then my phone rings, she says i think you know what is coming (meaning its not working) I say yes i agree, i am so stressed at the minute, ive lost interest in everything, im depressed, its not that i dont care but i just feel so low and everything we have been through seems to have pushed us appart. She said shall we just end it now, no more speaking no more texts just ammicably go our seperate ways and i said i think we both know its for the best. we havent spoken since earlier and I dont know what to feel, i cant be in a relationship were the other person never seems happy with me, i would consider myself a caring boyfriend who is very thoughtful, always buying little gifts and leaving notes ect but i also need space and not to be stressed to be happy in myself and feel myself. It is a very hard time because I dont know if we could ever feel the same again although i would love that, I still love her and care deeply but i just dont know what to do. Id love to have a happy life with her but maybe too much has happened? Id love for her to be accepting of me like i am of her, the only thing i would change is her controlling neediness as it makes me feel like im walking on egg shells. sorry this was long winded but i just needed to vent somewhere without texting her.
january2011 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I'm sorry you're still hurting. After what happened, it's going to take some time and work before you'll start to feel anywhere close to 'normal' again.
lonelyheart99 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Someone once told me that the one who cares the least controls the relationship. I truly believe this to be the case. Sounds like you guys just need some time apart. She needs to figure out what she wants in a relationship, and you need time to de-stress and concentrate on yourself. It sounds like you really do love and care about her, but it seems the two of your are getting your signals crossed. She's working 70 hours a week and is undoubtedly burnt out. You are at your wits end, and simply want to exist in a happy, fulfilling relationship. I think time apart will allow both of you to figure out what you want and assess the relationship from a semi-objective point of view. If its worth salvaging, then by all means, go for it. If its not, existing in your own space for a while apart from each other will give you the strength you need to move on. All the best to you! ~Andrew
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