daisy088 Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 (edited) After 9 months of living together and several years of friendship, hooking up, and dating- my ex broke up with me suddenly (I had to ask HIM if he wanted to break up now and he finally said yes after I asked 3 times because I could tell he was lying to save my feelings). The day he broke up with me, he told me he loved me and that I was the woman he wanted to be with "forever and ever." We were serious parts of each other's lives and had recently had our first bump in the road/challenging situation along with his having to move several hours away at the end of the month. I took off immediately after he admitted he wanted to break up. He wrote me a 4 page letter about how much he loves me, how he thinks im great, how much he love me again, etc. but that he has to say goodbye because he is moving and doesn't want long-distance (and because he believes that I was unfaithful or disloyal in some way but the letter barely included this... I never was sincerely). Since then he has not contacted me once, I saw him for 10 mins while I went to our place to get my stuff and he seemed upset but I dont know. Friends have told me he is struggling but I see photos of him out practically every night and I have not heard A WORD from him. We have been NC for 9 days. I had to leave town for a little bit because I got so depressed and anxious in the city we live in together. I loved and adored him with all my heart and others would always notice how much he loved and adored me as well. We were best friends and partners, we shared everything. I did not even get to say goodbye. Did he just forget me? Do the dumpers just merely move on and not care? I am so confused PS. IDK if it is important but the decision to break up with extremely impulsive and sudden AND anything he has texted or said since the break up does not sound like him at all. I also know he has been talking to his parents nonstop (he is very attached to both his parents) and I believe they may play a big role in this choice. What gives? Edited April 28, 2012 by daisy088
sweetheart5381 Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 I'm sorry for your pain, your confusion is totally understandable. There may be other circumstance at play, like his parents, etc but the bottom line is that you are hurting and you need to do your best to take care of you and not dwell on the reasons why. I know it's hard, I did the same thing and it got me nowhere - just more confused in the end. I wont give you any cliche lines that can be applied to almost any situation, just know that you come first. They don't forget, don't worry about that part. They will come to realize the damage inflicted eventually and when they do, you will have already processed the pain caused by their indecision. Bottom line, it's not you. It was their decision to not decide and be ambiguous, but you can now decide how to react to this. Take care of you. 1
Nohbody Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 It doesn't matter if they forget or not. That is where you need to get to. It doesn't answer your question, I realize - but that is the direction you need to go to heal. 1
Fitz Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 (edited) 1. If he has a NEW girl in his life, and he considers her to be an "upgrade" -then he's definitely NOT thinking about you. 2. If the new girl is a lateral move (neither an upgrade or downgrade in his opinion) then he is still NOT thinking about you. 3. If the new girl is a "downgrade" in his opinion, then he is comparing you to the new girl, but still wondering where to find an "upgrade." 4. However, if there is NO new girl, then he is definitely thinking about you. Perhaps in a positive light. Perhaps in a negative light. But either way, it doesn't mean that you will get back together. Welcome, to the jungle. Edited April 28, 2012 by Fitz
Author daisy088 Posted April 28, 2012 Author Posted April 28, 2012 There is no other girl unless he has managed to find one in a week? I know he loved me very much at one point (he hacked into my phone while I was very sick the night before we broke up and saw that I was texting my single man-crazy girlfriend about 2 other guys. It was mostly joking and the fact that I was flattered that this other guy, who I had told the ex about, was trying to take me on a date. Never engaged in any cheating behaviors of any kind) I supposed you all are right, it doesn't matter what happened, why it happened, or whether he will regret it/will think of me. I guess I am still in the place where I am hoping he would care enough to want to love me again.... my heart is totally broken and I am feeling cynical about ever having a relationship again. Made a vow to myself I will not date, have a boyfriend, even carry on a "friends with benefits" situation for the next 6 months. I am hoping to try to learn to love myself and be okay on my own. 1
mridul_chajilee Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 Bhul ja bhul ja....just forget it and stop digging old memories.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 If you were living together and he loves you, why didn't he ask you to move with him where he's going? Sounds like something is missing here. 1
Author daisy088 Posted April 28, 2012 Author Posted April 28, 2012 I have 2 years of law school left in the city we lived together in and he is starting his residency in another city several hours away. I am not willing to drop out of the school I attend now nor is he willing to stay here with me (which I understand, he got a great offer). We previously agreed we were going to stay together and make it work. Then he discovered I had talked about other guys to my girlfriends (nothing bad or incriminating and mostly joking- with my single friends), got very upset and jealous and dumped me. Seems impulsive and immature? Especially because I have had trust issues with him before in the past. We were best friends and he swore even the last time we spoke 9 days ago that he loved very much. I don't know why I want him to regret it do much. I guess I just put SO much time, effort, and myself into it. I cared a lot and was very vulnerable...
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