Bellechica Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 He is trying to manipulate and control you. Set yourself free of this toxic relationship. Be strong! I know it's not easy. I have to tell myself the same things. You deserve more, Flagirl!
Author Flagirl2 Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 I just don't know how he can go so hot and cold. One minute he loves me more than anything, So i bare my soul even more to him, then he sends me a text like that? It is such a roller coaster ride with him. I almost wonder if he is bipolar or just a huge jerk! I dread what tomorrow will bring. From his text I doubt he will contact me. I have a speech in my head ready, but I just want to go nc. No explanation. Just start to look after myself now. We had a great love (probably a lie) and as an adult, I probably owe him something of a good bye, but I just know it will end in tears and craziness or me continuing the A. I can't do it. What if he is telling me the truth? Is this something I will always wonder?
Bellechica Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Ha! I thought my OM was bipolar too! Look, you're OM doesn't want to lose the good thing he's got going: nice family (that's what by all appearances everyone sees), a wife who probably knows him inside and out although he only tells you negative things about her, and you, "sexy, worshiping mistress". Don't believe a word he says! I was the WW with a single OM....yes, I strung him along. I'm not proud of it, but he fed my ego and satisfied a need or needs. He heard about how negative my M was. In a way, he created the negatives in my M and my view of my H. Did I ever think I would truly, truly leave my H for him??? Noooooooo!!!! Don't fall for his crap, Flagirl
Bellechica Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 And I know it's not easy at ALL! I often feel or have felt that the OM controlled me, like I was his puppet. Staying NC gives you strength. Once it's broken, the whole cycle starts again. You think, oh, we need closure. Guess what? There will never be closure IMO. It just has to end, and you have to move on......
Emme Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Flagirl I wish you the best through this. I know it's going to be hard but if you know what you want command it now. If NC is the way you want to go, stand your ground. If you feel like your knees are shaking or about to give come back to LS we are here to support. Stay strong.
Artie Lang Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Did you tell your estraged husband about your affair? It would be very wrong if you let him think HE was the cause of the marriage to break up, rather than it being because you stepped out of it.
Artie Lang Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) We did decide to back off, but my phone has been blowing up!! We are good friends too though. I like her as a friend a lot, but we have crossed that boundary in the past. We'll see. btw-- you can't be friends with your AP, dude... no matter how "positive" you paint it. you are further disrespecting your respective SO' by maintaining ANY sort of relationship. not cool! NC means just that-- NO CONTACT. Edited April 30, 2012 by Artie Lang
pureinheart Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I just don't know how he can go so hot and cold. One minute he loves me more than anything, So i bare my soul even more to him, then he sends me a text like that? It is such a roller coaster ride with him. I almost wonder if he is bipolar or just a huge jerk! I dread what tomorrow will bring. From his text I doubt he will contact me. I have a speech in my head ready, but I just want to go nc. No explanation. Just start to look after myself now. We had a great love (probably a lie) and as an adult, I probably owe him something of a good bye, but I just know it will end in tears and craziness or me continuing the A. I can't do it. What if he is telling me the truth? Is this something I will always wonder? (((((((((((hugs))))))))))) ...he already knows you are not happy with him still hanging with his wife and he chose to do that anyway regardless of the reasons...sooooo IMO NOTHING will keep him away and nothing will keep him from doing what you want, especially if they are going to divorce anyway and you are the one he wants to please...anyway he will get real with you and you won't have to wonder...if you do, then there is a real problem requiring a NC stance.
MissBee Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 This is very difficult for a woman. I think men are much more practical and level headed when it come to things of this nature. Your MM probably enjoys the sex and passion with you too, but he likely also knows that a lot of the passion can be attributed to the fact that it's not a full on full time relationship with you. He likely felt that passion for his wife at one time and he knows that that it's not practical to expect a longterm fulltime relationship to sustain that level of passion. He knows that if he were to leave his marriage for you that eventually the sex and passion would cool off with you too, because there is no magic person who can keep us in a state of passion and sexual arousal 24/7 forever. It just doesn't happen. He maybe realizes that if he were to be with you eventually his relationship with you would become just like his relationship with his wife in many ways only worse because he would have a broken up family to deal with too. I think for a lot of cheating men, when they weigh up the pros and cons, they decide that the pain of breaking up their families to go have passion and great sex with their lovers, when they know that eventually their lovers are just going to turn into another relationship that requires work and sacrafice, just isn't worth it. This is so very true. I think more OW would benefit from the realization that As are often entered into BECAUSE they are As and because they may provide that seemingly undying passion and so forth and not because the MM wants to now have a new wife or new relationship with them full time. I don't advocate for As, regardless of the reason, but I think for someone who truly realizing the parameters of it, i.e., he is not your boyfriend or fiance who is committed to you and who will have you as his main woman, it may "work" better. All too often OW act like the A is a courtship leading to them eventually becoming the new wife or main woman...when often that is so far from the case, then it leads to devastation when that fantasy is shattered. 3
LoveTKO Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 btw-- you can't be friends with your AP, dude... no matter how "positive" you paint it. you are further disrespecting your respective SO' by maintaining ANY sort of relationship. not cool! NC means just that-- NO CONTACT. "not cool!" That's awesome! Reminds me of something Mr. Van Driessen from Beavis and Butthead would say. Our NC only lasts for about four days with her. As far as finding an SO, it's rather challenging with this girl over the years because she's been rocking my world so good. I don't live in the real world with my deal....dream come true from a male perspective....
Author Flagirl2 Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 well, I got my first dose of what he will be like NC. MM Sent me a few emails this morning. Casual, like nothing happened emails. I didn't respond. Then shortly after ran into me in the hallway and is completely shocked that I am doing this. How could I possibly? What did he do wrong? I'm not there for him when he needs me the most. yada, yada. I didn't cave though. Not at all. I have accepted that it has to be over. It hurts. I am sad, but all previous times I tried to end it, I never really accepted it. I kind of kept the door open for it to start over again. This is the first time I am feeling acceptance. Right now, I feel liberated. In a few days, I can imagine I am going to want to curl up in a ball and die.
findingnemo Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 well, I got my first dose of what he will be like NC. MM Sent me a few emails this morning. Casual, like nothing happened emails. I didn't respond. Then shortly after ran into me in the hallway and is completely shocked that I am doing this. How could I possibly? What did he do wrong? I'm not there for him when he needs me the most. yada, yada. I didn't cave though. Not at all. I have accepted that it has to be over. It hurts. I am sad, but all previous times I tried to end it, I never really accepted it. I kind of kept the door open for it to start over again. This is the first time I am feeling acceptance. Right now, I feel liberated. In a few days, I can imagine I am going to want to curl up in a ball and die. I'm sure you'll feel terrible and miss him. But the fact is...you won't die. You won't even starve. You'll eat what need to thrive. You'll go to work because it's your job. You will survive!!! And given enough time, you'll look back and ask yourself why you ever thought he was the "be all, end all" of your world. Sweetheart, people fall in love and lose their lovers in tragic ways and guess what? Life goes on. Just imagine those that genuinely loved each other and couldn't be together. Tell yourself you aren't Juliet and he's definitely not Romeo. I hope it's okay to tell you I'm proud of you. You are choosing "you". That's a good thing because the A equation was seriously unbalanced in your MM's favor. Keep going. 1
Bellechica Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Flagirl, I'm proud of you too! You can get past it. Hey when you're down just read LoveYKO's post and look at things from a "male perspective". Your MM wants to have his wife and you too. You deserve better. You WILL love again!
LoveTKO Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Flagirl, I'm proud of you too! You can get past it. Hey when you're down just read LoveYKO's post and look at things from a "male perspective". Your MM wants to have his wife and you too. You deserve better. You WILL love again! All right....beat me up. I'll take one for the team Male perspective? The MW I'm dealing with is the one who wants the package deal that includes security but with a secret adventure on the side. I'm single. Women are just as bad, if not worse, than men.
Artie Lang Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I'm single. Women are just as bad, if not worse, than men. i see. i thought you were married also. all clear now. in essence, you're not cheating-- she is.
Bellechica Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 (edited) Artie, LoveTKO. Is no saint. He posted a thread asking how much a long term A takes on his MW. He acknowledged it's hard on her but that she "groomed" him to be her AP. You are as much of a sinner and harlot as me Love, and IMO you post here because you have feelings for your MW.. Things you don't want to admit. I think my exOM who was single finally gets it! I never "groomed" him btw. He hit on me. I think you have a very high opinion of yourself Love. I hope your MW knows what a playa you are..... Edited May 1, 2012 by Bellechica
LoveTKO Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Artie, LoveTKO. Is no saint. He posted a thread asking how much a long term A takes on his MW. He acknowledged it's hard on her but that she "groomed" him to be her AP. You are as much of a sinner and harlot as me Love, and IMO you post here because you have feelings for your MW.. Things you don't want to admit. I think my exOM who was single finally gets it! I never "groomed" him btw. He hit on me. I think you have a very high opinion of yourself Love. I hope your MW knows what a playa you are..... Grooming is indeed a bit of an embellishment on my part, but she did carefully select her target in my opinion. It took me a while, but I finally acquiesced. Player? Not at all....just a big flirt.
wannabdone Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I don't think lovetko is a "playa".... I think his sense of humor is different than others. And I think he add's some humor and good advice at times. BUT, I do think he has more feelings than he lets on. Maybe I will save that for another thread. bahahahaha. Jk 1
LoveTKO Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 I don't think lovetko is a "playa".... I think his sense of humor is different than others. And I think he add's some humor and good advice at times. BUT, I do think he has more feelings than he lets on. Maybe I will save that for another thread. bahahahaha. Jk It's good to laugh This whole affair thing just amazes me. When women are married and hit their 40's, about 20-30% of them begin to test the waters because they feel that they're missing out on something. Not funny for their husbands i guess....
Bellechica Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Love, it's not funny at all. Your MW might have been testing waters but have you ever thought a momment about her family? Okay, it sounds like she made the "moves" on you first, so you think you're all innocent. Please don't think lightly of the emotions experienced in an A. You should be willing to own up to your behavior.
LoveTKO Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Love, it's not funny at all. Your MW might have been testing waters but have you ever thought a momment about her family? Okay, it sounds like she made the "moves" on you first, so you think you're all innocent. Please don't think lightly of the emotions experienced in an A. You should be willing to own up to your behavior. I have. I made a pact with her that first and foremost, her family comes first....protect them at all cost! They've had their issues way before she met me and were contemplating divorce. Not that it's an excuse for our actions, but we were eying each other for a year before we even made contact.....$hit happens and I went for it; wrong decision on my part. I'm just her dirty little secret. Although, a lot of people know about our secret.
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