My First Possible breadcrumb after 5 months - why NC is important for YOU!

[EmergenC]

Cut a long story short, a friend of mine posted some pictures on Facebook (I know I know groan). I'm not too active on there myself, mainly use it for arranging gigs etc (musician). My ex is not on my friends list.

 

I was the only person who commented on this picture my friend posted, went to sleep, thought nothing of it.

 

Following morning, checking my emails and a sudden cold sweat, heart pounding, shakiness hit me. My exes name in my email from a facebook notification that she'd gone in and commented on the picture also.

 

I immediately erased the notification message and didn't even look to see again. ANY information, even innocent comments, is still too much for me.

 

I realized this that i'm still no-where near healed. I felt a mixture of fear and panic wash over me. It made me realize that due to the pain my ex has caused me by breaking my heart, i'm actually instinctively afraid of her right now.

 

Now my ex isn't stupid, she might be extremely stubborn and single minded, but she isn't stupid and i'm sure she knew that would ping my email box with her name.

 

I have't heard a peep from her since around January sometime, i'm pretty certain she's still with the other guy, I don't know, i've been pretty good at controlling the information that flows my way but i'm almost certain she's done that on purpose.

 

It also made me realize how important maintaining no contact is, and just how i'm totally not ready to face anything to do with her. Why I think this is so important is you often don't realize this until after the fact. I didn't realize how badly I wasn't over it, how much of an effect she still has on me, how afraid I am of her, until I saw her name in my inbox. I couldn't imagine how bad I would feel breaking no contact to pursue her. Protect yourselves!!

 

Mine was most certainly a coming of age/GIGS style breakup. There was a tiny amount of complacency after our almost 4 years together, but nothing to do with any abuse or cheating etc...things were pretty A-ok... I know her, and I just can't help but feel that this is her first tiny morsel of an indirect breadcrumb, perhaps just to push her back into my thoughts.

 

Protect yourselves!..It doesn't feel nice at all!

[HollyBolly]

I hear you! I ran into my ex last week and felt absolutely horrid the next day, even though I came across as confident and happy, and she was extremely uncomfortable.

[EmergenC]

I hear you! I ran into my ex last week and felt absolutely horrid the next day, even though I came across as confident and happy, and she was extremely uncomfortable.

 

I couldn't even begin to imagine how that would make me feel. Fortunately there's no chance at all of us bumping into one another randomly. I'm kind of thankful for that fact.

 

It's true though and I think that's the danger of breaking NC, you really don't know how it's going to affect you until after it happens. When it's too damn late to protect yourself!

 

I'm a big believer in 50/50 in a relationship and I just don't see why people would go out of their way to break NC if they were dumped. I look back at the time we were falling in love and if she hadn't heard from me for more than half a day she'd be all over me trying to see if things were ok.... if they want you, they'll find you.

 

Without the foundations of respect again, it's only doomed for failure once again.

 

It's a broken ego talking that says I have to crawl to you on my hands and knees to win your heart back.

Edited April 28, 2012 by EmergenC

[HollyBolly]

I live across the street from her so the chances of running into her are huge. Saw her twice in an hour on Thursday. Thankfully I am moving next week. Phew!

 

It's horrible how, just when you think you're feeling better, WHAM! you feel like s**t all over again. For me, I felt very sad that after sharing 5 years together, we had to pretend we were strangers in a pizza joint.

[EmergenC]

I live across the street from her so the chances of running into her are huge. Saw her twice in an hour on Thursday. Thankfully I am moving next week. Phew!

 

It's horrible how, just when you think you're feeling better, WHAM! you feel like s**t all over again. For me, I felt very sad that after sharing 5 years together, we had to pretend we were strangers in a pizza joint.

 

Ouch, I think you're probably doing the right thing by moving! I took off about a month after the breakup to get some head space and see family for a month.

 

It was hard enough for me just knowing she was still in the same town! Now she's gone thankfully.

 

When I got back I moved straight out the apartment we used to share.... ghosts and memories, no thanks!

[HollyBolly]

I don't go into the pizza joint anymore if I see that she is home. Thank God I'm not that into pizzas!