K Os Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 Just that, really. I'm so tired of thinking about it all this morning that I have an evil headache. How do I write her a civil email that says all of the following: - if you're moving out, please get on with it - until you leave, please go and stay somewhere else 2 or 3 nights a week so I can be in the family home with just my son and not you - don't think I'm moving out just because I've been avoiding contact with you - are you feeling any better yet? do you want to end all of this nonsense yet? "Give me a place to stand and with a lever I will move the whole world." Archimedes
Author K Os Posted April 28, 2012 Author Posted April 28, 2012 Please see my earlier posts for the whole saga. Last June she dropped the bomb, since when I've been trying to turn things around. Things went a little better but then got steadily worse. She says she wants separation and divorce, but won't actually take action on either. She would like me to leave, and I decline because it's the family home. She's making no moves to leave herself, and is content to just sit there making life miserable generally. Financially we're both strapped. Stalemate. My concern at the moment is to spend more time with my son, while minimizing contact with her, until she leaves.
CarrieT Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 Why does it have to be an email? Can't you just tell her directly? Seems like avoidance to me...
darkmoon Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 Please see my earlier posts for the whole saga. Last June she dropped the bomb, since when I've been trying to turn things around. Things went a little better but then got steadily worse. She says she wants separation and divorce, but won't actually take action on either. She would like me to leave, and I decline because it's the family home. She's making no moves to leave herself, and is content to just sit there making life miserable generally. Financially we're both strapped. Stalemate. My concern at the moment is to spend more time with my son, while minimizing contact with her, until she leaves. you expect me to read through masses of postings, complete with tons of comments? bit much, sorry
Author K Os Posted April 28, 2012 Author Posted April 28, 2012 you expect me to read through masses of postings, complete with tons of comments? bit much, sorry Not if you don't feel like it, darkmoon . I'm just venting a little.
Author K Os Posted April 28, 2012 Author Posted April 28, 2012 Why does it have to be an email? Can't you just tell her directly? Seems like avoidance to me... What are the differences between NC, LC and avoidance? Discuss...
CarrieT Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 What are the differences between NC, LC and avoidance? Discuss... No Contact is when the relationship is officially and completely over and there is nothing left to discuss - just to move on and heal. You still have issues with this person and there is no way for you to instigate NC. I'm terrible at acronyms but I am guessing that LC is Little Contact and in ending a relationship such as yours, I think you are treading a fine line; it is obvious you still have issues that have to be dealt with - is there a reason you can't talk about it and that you have to email? I would see that as immature and petty - just say what you need to say and get it out there. Perhaps I'm an old fogey, but I think "this generation" (and I was once guilty of the same thing), relies too heavily of text and email to avoid uncomfortable situations. Seems like a way to chicken out on responsibility to be so impersonal as to just write it and send it instead of talking face-to-face with a person.
Author K Os Posted April 28, 2012 Author Posted April 28, 2012 CarrieT, yes I think LC is Low or Little Contact, but likewise I'm not well up on acronymity. Agreed NC is out of the question, even in the future, as we have a child. I'm doing a bit of LC at the moment because things got too heated. We've exchanged a total of one text message apiece in about the last three weeks. I take your point about avoiding an uncomfortable situation. That's exactly what I'm doing, while getting my points across clearly and in a way my wife will take in. Is there a reason we can't talk about it? Yes, there is. If talking about it in person, my wife will react immediately to everything I say, she will react very strongly to everything I say, she will say the first thing that comes into her head, we will not finish the conversation, she will break down and cry and start shouting, and then she will leave the room and probably the house. I will be left deeply frustrated, with nothing resolved (again), and unsure which part or parts of her responses to believe. Petty and immature? Well... I would rather say somewhat unbalanced at times and would certainly benefit from a good psychotherapist (as I have). If I put it in writing, in my experience with her she responds better, more respectfully and more thoughtfully, without feeling forced into a corner. Btw, I'm not sure if I'm "this generation" - I'm 45.
Recommended Posts