truth_seeker Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Men don't have exclusive right to insecurity and fear of rejection. In fact, women generally take rejection worse than men, which is why it's more rare for them to approach/initiate conversation. They'd rather miss out on a good opportunity than risk rejection. This why women are in control most of time. Us men have to put ourselves out there, which is fine with me, but it leaves us wide open.
mesmerized Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 People with thick skin are generally better at dating, period. I think there are just some really sensitive people out there, and it's not their fault to be honest, they were born that way. Sometimes they are born that way, sometimes it's about their culture. I avoid dating men from a certain culture for this exact reason.
ThaWholigan Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Sometimes they are born that way, sometimes it's about their culture. I avoid dating men from a certain culture for this exact reason. True, there are always many factors. I think there are girls out there for those guys who are a little passive though, they just look in the wrong places I feel. I actually had a think about this and I don't believe that every guy is supposed to be super masculine and always proactive, some guys will always be passive, it's just the way they are. And there are girls who compliment that energy somehow, they are around. Obviously how they are raised plays a part, but still! I had to grow thick skin myself, because I realised from young that I was always going to be a weird guy so I had to be comfortable with it somehow.
TheFinalWord Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 The answer to the thread title is simple I think, because if people get rejected they want to know what exactly the reason was for it, so that they can change/improve it in the future. For example if you reject someone based on being skinny or fat, then they might want to hit the gym. (in order to improve that) In order to pinpoint what they have to improve they want to know what the reason was. I've never done OLD, but that's why I think so many guys ask that question. I.e. they want to pinpoint what they need to improve. I think that is true. I also think that we all know that with OLD you don't get to show your personality, which can go a long way towards increasing your attractiveness. It's all looks-based. Profiles in general don't reveal a lot other than you have the same religion or lifestyle. When you get rejected in OLD we know it is looks based unless you fall outside of the parameters the profile requests and still message the person. Being that it's looks based it stings a bit more.Just like the OP posted her convo and then continued defending herself just like the guy she said annoyed her I think if she can get past his looks they may be a good match! Both seem kinda fisty A lot of times guys will pursue even if rejected outright because it can work on occasion. There should be a limit though and even less attempt at pursuing with OLD. You don't want to become annoying. But after some time has passed you can ask again. After two slams I say forget it. But if you really dig her it may be worth a second shot. Maybe it was that time of the month and she would have told Brad Pitt "no" too.
PlumPrincess Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 The answer to the thread title is simple I think, because if people get rejected they want to know what exactly the reason was for it, so that they can change/improve it in the future. For example if you reject someone based on being skinny or fat, then they might want to hit the gym. (in order to improve that) In order to pinpoint what they have to improve they want to know what the reason was. I've never done OLD, but that's why I think so many guys ask that question. I.e. they want to pinpoint what they need to improve. Nice try, seriously. 1
jobaba Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 The answer to the thread title is simple I think, because if people get rejected they want to know what exactly the reason was for it, so that they can change/improve it in the future. For example if you reject someone based on being skinny or fat, then they might want to hit the gym. (in order to improve that) In order to pinpoint what they have to improve they want to know what the reason was. I've never done OLD, but that's why I think so many guys ask that question. I.e. they want to pinpoint what they need to improve. Seems like a good idea, and one I've considered and done as someone who has been rejected in every shape and form, but... 1) Women won't be completely honest with you. One woman said to me she just wasn't looking for a relationship. She was in one a month later ... with one of my best friends. They'll just say you're not their type. 2) Women you barely know may be honest with you, but you are not going to change yourself to cater to them. 3) When you get rejected by someone you have a rapport with and actually care about who knows you well enough to actually give you constructive criticism, it's almost always looks/lack of attraction. Otherwise, they'd be with you. I've gotten that answer before and it's rough. Not constructive. If you want criticism, turn to GFs and wives of buddies and to female friends you have no interest in. Much better source...
TheFinalWord Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Seems like a good idea, and one I've considered and done as someone who has been rejected in every shape and form, but... 1) Women won't be completely honest with you. One woman said to me she just wasn't looking for a relationship. She was in one a month later ... with one of my best friends. They'll just say you're not their type. 2) Women you barely know may be honest with you, but you are not going to change yourself to cater to them. 3) When you get rejected by someone you have a rapport with and actually care about who knows you well enough to actually give you constructive criticism, it's almost always looks/lack of attraction. Otherwise, they'd be with you. I've gotten that answer before and it's rough. Not constructive. If you want criticism, turn to GFs and wives of buddies and to female friends you have no interest in. Much better source... I've had number 1 happen, not fun But, I do actually think women are much more likely to reject a guy based on compatibility. Even if they feel chemistry (looks). It's not always looks that they base their rejection on. Men do it too, but normally looks override compatibility at first and we end up breaking it off with them after the impact of their looks wears off. It's not always just looks. You could have different lifestyles. For example, the girl who told me she didn't want a relationship has dated two guys since telling me that! lol At the time I was hurt, but looking at it now she is much more of a partier/drinker than me. Probably would have ended after a few months and the impact of her looks wore off. Women are often better at determining if compatibility is suitable for a relationship than men. If they don't think it will work, it is much easier for them to gloss over looks. Even great looking guys get rejected!
JesseJames Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I'd say very few girls message and say they're not interested for starters. What he really is saying was that that action was a first. And while they are in this strange and uncharted land, they might as well inquire about just what in the sam hell type of girl actually acts polite on the internet to total strangers when they most likely haven't seen an act of anything from any female in their whole lives outside of a middle finger. Any other unsolved mysteries?
JesseJames Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Perhaps because you rejected him so nicely, he thought that if he badgered you enough and swatted away every single one of your objections, somehow you'd magically decide to go out with him. Then he got your second message and he realised that you weren't so 'nice' after all (no offence) - so he reassigns you to the bltch/feminist/misandrist/lesbian pot where all such women who reject him are placed. After all, any half decent/sane woman would be so flattered that he deigned to contact her that she'd be waiting with bated breath at her PC for every.single.one of his eloquent missives. His ego was hurt. He decided to put you in your place, so went after your intelligence and looks. A guy who reacts like that is not dating material. Good call. You really need to lay off the never-ending cocaine. LOL No Red Bulls either.
jobaba Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Women are often better at determining if compatibility is suitable for a relationship than men. If they don't think it will work, it is much easier for them to gloss over looks. Even great looking guys get rejected! Well. It the compatibility was the issue, then she wouldn't have dated one of my best friends after rejecting me ... and one of my other best friends AFTER that. I do think women will reject for compatibility sometimes, but more often than not, if she thinks that man is attractive, she'll just have a fling with him and then break it off later when it gets lame instead of outright rejection.
PlumPrincess Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Well. It the compatibility was the issue, then she wouldn't have dated one of my best friends after rejecting me ... and one of my other best friends AFTER that. I do think women will reject for compatibility sometimes, but more often than not, if she thinks that man is attractive, she'll just have a fling with him and then break it off later when it gets lame instead of outright rejection. I never understand why a guy will scold women for not wanting him when he feels that there is compatibility between them. Just because the needs of one party get satisfied, doesn't mean that the other person has to feel the same way. For example, I have certain interest that I like/don't mind sharing with other people, but I wouldn't care if my partner was interested in them or not. Another example, flirting. Just because I'm entertained and having fun, when flirting, doesn't mean that I'm necessarily really interested in anything more with the other person.
persevere Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 It is baffling when you spend hours talking with lots of eye contact, only to never see them again. While it would be nice to know why, I just write it off best I can.
irc333 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 3) When you get rejected by someone you have a rapport with and actually care about who knows you well enough to actually give you constructive criticism, it's almost always looks/lack of attraction. Otherwise, they'd be with you. I've gotten that answer before and it's rough. Not constructive. Not entirely sure if I agree with you on this....someone told me to ask a female friend about "What could you do to make yourself more appealing to women." Apparently, this is not good advice??
Author Million.to.1 Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 Expecting a stranger to give you constructive feedback about how to improve is ridiculous. There is nothing he can improve upon to be more attractive to me. I thought he was unattractive, had no style, a bad hair cut and a boring profile with no humor and talked up himself in all the wrong ways. What could I possibly say that would not offend him? I would like to add that i received the BEST opening message ever tonight. This guy is not overly attractive to me, just off photos, but his opener and his profile made me reply to him. He is smart confident and clearly at ease with who he is and THAT is attractive. Here is his opener... Hi Milly I thoroughly enjoyed reading your profile. If inclined post reading mine message back sometime. Otherwise all the very best in finding a nice chap. John Awesome.....short, precise and I was under no obligation to message him back. But I did. Compare above message with the opener from my OP. Can you see how the first wrecks of desperation in comparison?
oaks Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Awesome.....short, precise and I was under no obligation to message him back. But I did. You weren't worried that it's one of those cut-and-paste messages that he probably sent to 50 other women that day? At least, it looks like that. 1
Author Million.to.1 Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 Why would it matter if it was? It's just an intro.. make yourself known right? I undersatnd that with the low reply rate of females (incuding myself) it would be ridiculous to always expect a personalized message and i'm not going to discount them on that factor alone if i like their profile, their pic or their writing style. The second message better not be though. I have NO photos on my profile visable. My profile is long and pretty funny reading. It is already a idiot deterrent in itself.
oaks Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 Why would it matter if it was? It's just an intro.. make yourself known right? Fair enough. I know that some women don't like that (because they say so in their profiles) that's all. Interesting to hear a different viewpoint.
Author Million.to.1 Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 I think that later this week I might compile a few tips in a new thread for our OLD dating boys. Call it "how to impress a bunch of whining bitches who all want different things and never deal with rejection again!" 2
oaks Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I think that later this week I might compile a few tips in a new thread for our OLD dating boys. Call it "how to impress a bunch of whining bitches who all want different things and never deal with rejection again!" That'll be an interesting thread.
irc333 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Though, the rest of her profile was well thought out and intelligent sounding, she sounded way to impersonal and clinical in it. Treating it as if were a job interview instead of a person. Then I read this: I should be able to respond to those messages or profiles that interest me within two days. If it's the first time you've sent me a message, and I have not replied within that time frame, I kindly ask that you please not be offended, and I sincerely appreciate your understanding. This is the kind of thing that I usually found sent out in an inter-office email. Talk about a turn-off. What is she, customer service?lol
threebyfate Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Though, the rest of her profile was well thought out and intelligent sounding, she sounded way to impersonal and clinical in it. Treating it as if were a job interview instead of a person. Then I read this: I should be able to respond to those messages or profiles that interest me within two days. If it's the first time you've sent me a message, and I have not replied within that time frame, I kindly ask that you please not be offended, and I sincerely appreciate your understanding. This is the kind of thing that I usually found sent out in an inter-office email. Talk about a turn-off. What is she, customer service?lolYou have got to be the most sensitive man I've ever encountered, on or off the Internet. She's being informative and kind but instead of viewing it as such, you're automatically seeing the negative of it. Do you wonder why dating is so challenging for you? Are you planning to nitpick a partner to this degree? If so, good luck finding a long-term masochist for a partner.
irc333 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 You have got to be the most sensitive man I've ever encountered, on or off the Internet. She's being informative and kind but instead of viewing it as such, you're automatically seeing the negative of it. Do you wonder why dating is so challenging for you? Are you planning to nitpick a partner to this degree? If so, good luck finding a long-term masochist for a partner. Well, if you think about it, that's one of the "don'ts" in online dating....just something about rejecting someone before you talk to talk to them, just something cold and clinical about that. I'm seeing a lot of ads where, "If I don't respond, it means I'm not interested" I believe we've reached a saturation point when it comes to that.
threebyfate Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Well, if you think about it, that's one of the "don'ts" in online dating....just something about rejecting someone before you talk to talk to them, just something cold and clinical about that. I'm seeing a lot of ads where, "If I don't respond, it means I'm not interested" I believe we've reached a saturation point when it comes to that.It's called common courtesy. From what I've read on LS, people don't even bother to acknowledge messages if someone doesn't appeal to them. For many women, the reason why they don't bother responding is that they don't want to open the door to unnecessary drama from guys who get butt hurt because of rejection or the pushy ones who keep trying. The blanket profile response is a helluva lot more courteous than dead space.
Meg717 Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Though, the rest of her profile was well thought out and intelligent sounding, she sounded way to impersonal and clinical in it. Treating it as if were a job interview instead of a person. Then I read this: I should be able to respond to those messages or profiles that interest me within two days. If it's the first time you've sent me a message, and I have not replied within that time frame, I kindly ask that you please not be offended, and I sincerely appreciate your understanding. This is the kind of thing that I usually found sent out in an inter-office email. Talk about a turn-off. What is she, customer service?lol I agree. Sounds too professional.. It's a dating site, not career builder... Just my opinion..
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