Spark1111 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 She is middle management at an entertainment complex and on the cusp of brin promoted to a lower level executive position. I won't get any more detailed other than to say she's definitely not in one of the roles you listed. She's a professional and it is simply common for people at her level to occassionally work those hours. While she worked a lot of day shifts, she certainly needed to be visible, available, and provide mgmt coverage for those that worked at night. It's a pointless conversation anyway. It's over and done with and there weren't any overt red flags (none that I would have seen in those days anyway - now everything in life is a damn red flag). You will NEVER regret being a loving, trusting spouse. Nor should you. You will NEVER regret exhausting every possibility to turn your marriage around; for learning and educating yourself on how to best heal from infidelity. You loved her and wanted to preserve your family. What was wrong with that? Nothing! You now must grieve your marriage, the one you thought you had, hoped to have again, and to help your children transition as peacefully and amicably as possible. Please fight for your 50/50 custody division. In addition to providing stability for your children, you too, should have equal time to learn how to be alone; how to someday have a relationship with another. Devote time and focus to you. Don't put your life on hold while you wait for the divorce to finalize. You too need support; make friends, go to the gym, take classes, do something to inspire you! Someday when we all lie down alone to meet our maker, I vowed to try to live my life without regret for my actions. I'm pretty sure I won't. I do not see how you could. Be proud of yourself. As for dday anniversaries? Ugh! First year I was proud to just get through the day. Second year? A blur. Third year? I saw lightning strike twice 15 feet in front of me! Not sure what the message was from the cosmos, but it made my heart leap! I think it was not to feel sorry for myself, but it took three years, and a bolt of lightning to get me there. 4
Radu Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) I think some women just wait for you to screw up after DDay, bide time, do the minimum possible..ignore the efforts you make, downplay them, then when you finally mess up (in reaction to something horrible they did of course ie TT) they get to blame it on you and leave, making them feel better. Wonderful... Sorry you remembered your Dday Anniversary I don't even know the date of mine. I shouldn't look it up. I'll probably be thinking about it all October though...that's when everything turned upsidedown for me. This actually happens not only in this case but also with manipulative personalities. It is not planned, but they look for straws. Steps : 1 - mess up 2 - get shown you mess up 3 - start looking for things to point at 4 - blow them out of proportion if needed Some ppl realise they do this and stop when they are pointed, some never stop. This is a general thing, a general way to act, but in this situation it's even worse. In most Commonwealth Law countries you cannot remove an allegation of DV from your record and if you did do it and are sorry for it, she will lord it over you because now she has the A-bomb against you. In some countries with Roman Law things are a tad fairer. Edited April 30, 2012 by Radu
Author BetrayedH Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 You will NEVER regret being a loving, trusting spouse. Nor should you. You will NEVER regret exhausting every possibility to turn your marriage around; for learning and educating yourself on how to best heal from infidelity. You loved her and wanted to preserve your family. What was wrong with that? Nothing! You now must grieve your marriage, the one you thought you had, hoped to have again, and to help your children transition as peacefully and amicably as possible. Please fight for your 50/50 custody division. In addition to providing stability for your children, you too, should have equal time to learn how to be alone; how to someday have a relationship with another. Devote time and focus to you. Don't put your life on hold while you wait for the divorce to finalize. You too need support; make friends, go to the gym, take classes, do something to inspire you! Someday when we all lie down alone to meet our maker, I vowed to try to live my life without regret for my actions. I'm pretty sure I won't. I do not see how you could. Be proud of yourself. As for dday anniversaries? Ugh! First year I was proud to just get through the day. Second year? A blur. Third year? I saw lightning strike twice 15 feet in front of me! Not sure what the message was from the cosmos, but it made my heart leap! I think it was not to feel sorry for myself, but it took three years, and a bolt of lightning to get me there. I always feel like I owe you one after reading your posts. You have a gift. I hope you find a way to make a career out of it. Much appreciated Spark. I don't have many regrets, thank goodness. I have enough other problems. But don't worry, I have found myself again and I'm glad to say I'm pretty much the same guy I was proud to be before. Stupid wife just never appreciated it. Good luck to her now. She'll either end up with some lesser man or no one in particular.
Author BetrayedH Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 This actually happens not only in this case but also with manipulative personalities. It is not planned, but they look for straws. Steps : 1 - mess up 2 - get shown you mess up 3 - start looking for things to point at 4 - blow them out of proportion if needed Some ppl realise they do this and stop when they are pointed, some never stop. This is a general thing, a general way to act, but in this situation it's even worse. In most Commonwealth Law countries you cannot remove an allegation of DV from your record and if you did do it and are sorry for it, she will lord it over you because now she has the A-bomb against you. In some countries with Roman Law things are a tad fairer. I don't care who knows about my DV crap. It didn't happen in a vacuum. The real "A-Bomb" is my transcript of my wife's submission to the website which could be disclosed to God and country anytime I feel I have had enough of this crap. She fears nothing more than exposure of her affair. If I have to, I will step by step share it with members of her family and if that doesn't stop her, the HR department at her workplace would be very interested to know. So far, I have been more than kind in keeping her secrets. But now the custody of my children is at stake and I have nothing left to lose by exposing her. I may not be able to seal or expunge my arrest (remains to be seen) but I will not have a conviction as the charges will be dropped before trial. 7 weeks left and the victim card officially expires. There is nothing to hold over my head. If anyone wants to ask, I'll tell them the whole story. So far, everyone says we're lucky I didn't burn the damn couch in the house with her in it. As it turns out, my state of mind at the time of that incident is perfectly valid to discuss when we are analyzing whether or not I am a danger to my children. She doesn't have crap except a distinct possibility of this all getting out if she doesn't control herself. I have no fear of the truth whatsoever. All that said, I am trying to settle amicably for the sake of the children. If we can't, that will be yet one more thing that's on her.
Artie Lang Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 But now the custody of my children is at stake and I have nothing left to lose by exposing her. if she resorts to playing it that way, then the gloves come off. you've been more than generous considering her conniving ways. i would've gone "nuclear" on her from the get-go. seems like she hides behind her prissy demeanor. what a shock it would be if her "pornstar" lifestyle were to be outed. i'd pay to say that one.
Radu Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Some of the ones who post on the hotwife site actually have payed sites. o.0
frozensprouts Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I read the post she wrote on that site ( some of it), and it made me really sad. She was with another guy that was really a stranger in your house while your kids were sleeping in the next room...what the heck is wrong with her? I'm glad that you are able to be there for your kids, as they will need to have their dad around as much as possible...hopefully, you'll be able to be a very positive influence in their lives
Author BetrayedH Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Can someone pls link that story now ? It's irrelevant at this point and I appreciate those that have chosen to defer from reposting it. There's nothing left to be gleaned from it. You seem to have a strange fascination with it. I started this thread because of a painful memory. It was foolish to relive it but what else does one do on their first dday antiversary. Next year I will create new memories instead.
Radu Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Sorry, didn't think it this way. I was curious to see how she wrote what she wrote and if she got egged on to do this. 1
Author BetrayedH Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Sorry, didn't think it this way. I was curious to see how she wrote what she wrote and if she got egged on to do this. No worries. Sorry if I came off rude. It's just not a fun subject. She was directed to the site by the OM, read some stories there and then posted her own. Sucks how much she enjoyed cukolding me. Bitch.
SomedayDig Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I've never commented in your threads Kidd, but man...I feel for you. As for the OM directing her to the site, pardon me for saying this but that m-f'er sounds almost like a serial killer wanting to keep trophies. I will say this though, just because I'm big when it comes to terminology and meanings of words. From everything I've read, a person chooses to be a cuckold. I don't think you gained any f'ng enjoyment from her tryst, so to me...brother, you aren't a cuckold. But that's just my interpretation so I don't want to put it on you - just an observation because what you endured was nothing of your doing.
Author BetrayedH Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 I've never commented in your threads Kidd, but man...I feel for you. As for the OM directing her to the site, pardon me for saying this but that m-f'er sounds almost like a serial killer wanting to keep trophies. I will say this though, just because I'm big when it comes to terminology and meanings of words. From everything I've read, a person chooses to be a cuckold. I don't think you gained any f'ng enjoyment from her tryst, so to me...brother, you aren't a cuckold. But that's just my interpretation so I don't want to put it on you - just an observation because what you endured was nothing of your doing. Yeah, I appreciate that. Technically a cuckold is a man with an unfaithful wife. I think most interpret it to mean a man that permits or enjoys it. That interpretation certainly doesn't fit me. By the pure definition, she made me into a cuckold and the fact that she reveled in it is just extra insulting. I didn't deserve that. Oh well, spilled milk. Back to my second life...
Bellechica Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) Kidd, I know I'm the current "evil skank" on here, but I must say what your W and the OM did with that site was cruel. I am sorry the torrid details were flaunted in your face. You are strong Kidd. You are definitely a good man. Forgive yourself for the way you responded physically that one night. Edited April 30, 2012 by Bellechica
Author BetrayedH Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Kidd, I know I'm the current "evil skank" on here, but I must say what your W and the OM did with that site was cruel. I am sorry the torrid details were flaunted in your face. You are strong Kidd. You are definitely a good man. Forgive yourself for the way you responded physically that one night. Better watch it Belle. That kind of name calling might violate the Terms of Service. As for the blog, it seems fate had a plan. I first planted the GPS in her car because I had seen the website (but not the post) in her internet history. 7 months later, the post ends up the catalyst for our divorce. Guess her decision to post that story wasn't such a good one. Bit her in the ass twice.
Bellechica Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Ha! Umm anyway, you are showing lots of strength. You are strong. I hope a year from now, you don't even remember that anniversary.
drifter777 Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 You will NEVER regret being a loving, trusting spouse. Nor should you. You will NEVER regret exhausting every possibility to turn your marriage around; for learning and educating yourself on how to best heal from infidelity. You loved her and wanted to preserve your family. What was wrong with that? Nothing! Kidd: While I do agree with Spark, I'm afraid that from time to time you may regret that you put so much work into reconciliation. All the humiliation, pain, and hard work you put into trying save your family may occasionally haunt you in the middle of the night. The thing is, you should NOT regret all of your efforts to reconcile with WW. You should NOT regret caring about your children and working so hard to put your family back together. But at times you will be tempted to beat yourself up for not being clairvoyant. Try to remember just how much her betrayal turned your world upside down. Go back and re-read the first chapter of "After the Affair" to put how you felt and your state of mind in the proper context. Not trying to be a wet blanket, just trying to keep it real. You did nothing wrong but you may find a way to blame yourself anyway.
Artie Lang Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 she reveled in it is just extra insulting. i don't understand. you mean she told you she enjoyed f*cking OM to your face, or something.
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