she ended becuase liked me too much and she is too busy to see me enough...

[Th4rg3]

This is quite complicated but need to share as I am quite a sensitive guy.. and want other peoples thoughts.. as I feel absolutely lost suddenly. but im not sure how to word this.. and where to start..

 

to start with im going to say im quite a good looking guy without sounding to full of myself, but it has come to my attention I am.. but im slightly odd in how I think.. and thus girls are attraced to me, and then dont like my personallity.. as im pretty immature in terms of experiance for my age (not the type of immature as in acting stupidly, which I certainly am not) but my interpersonall matturity has taken longer than others to develop.

 

I go to a school, now in lower 6th, and met this girl in the year below me.. it was impossible to spend any time together at school because thats what the schools like.. but she was the most and still in my opinion is the most amazing girl I have ever met!

 

let me explain about her.. she is a commited horserider, in the top 30 of her age group in the UK.. she has a very very busy life , training most days after school so no time to see each other then, weekends she usually has eventing trials to go to, and we only met up about every 10 days, there is alot of complicated things in her life that I am not going to explain but her mums on her own in a huge house with loads of horses and loads of commitments especially to her riding.. she has her GCSE's and I have my as levels coming up.

 

we are so compatible, its actually ridiculous how similar we are, we think the same, both odd in our own ways and we laughed about everything, she made me laugh and I made her laugh, I have never been able to do that with a girl and talk so easily too.. she was the easiest and lovelyest person to talk to.. and she is sooo pretty..

 

today we have broken up.. it was sort of a mutual decision.. but the reason why we broke up was not that either of us did anything wrong.. on the contarary we like each other soo much.. but due to that she didnt have enough time for me.. she said it was unfair on me waiting for her to be free.. that she desperatly wanted to see me more often but her life makes it virtually impossible, over the last couple of days I think she has realised that her relationship with me has been getting in the way of her horseriding which is her life, and that she litterally has had to, which I wouldnt have the strength to do so and I admire her strength for that, she had to remove me from her mind.. as she was thinking about me too much and was a distraction from her riding, revision and her complicated life.. she has got stressed out as not having enough time to revise and 2 weeks ago had a bad fall and has been injured and she needs to qualify for the Europeans and the pressure has got to her.. but I didnt want to let her go when I knew how much we liked and even loved each other, I cant bare the thought of not having such a special girl as her in my life.. this has set me crying now.... I have never much such an amazing girl.. and I cant believe she is no longer in my life and no longer mine.. I dont know what to do... I get attached to people too much and find it very very hard to let go... ill get worked up and it may ruin my as levels as I am getting so worked up and absolutely cant believe we are no longer together!! the reasoning was that because we werent seeing each other enough we both were getting upset.. and we forgot how it felt being with each other.. I have never had the feelings ive had with her with anyone else before... and I wont ever be able to find someone as perfect as her.. I suggested why dont we see how It goes until after exams and she said there was no point, but over summer we may get together.. but then she said that she has weeks of training camps somewhere up north at a time and she has to focus.. she is really worried she is unable to ever have a relationship.. and she said she was stupid for thinking she could cope but she didnt realise how much she would eventually like me.. I really want her in my life.. so much, we both do, but she says its impossible so shes stopping it now and my brain cannot process that!!! once again crying... she was the perfect girl anyone could dream for... I told her I would stick through with her but she said she would worry about me not seeing her and that id get bored.. but I wouldnt ever.. but I understand that she has to focus on her dream.. and its more important than anything else so it is just tough..

 

any advice on what to do and how to deal with it?

 

thanks

Edited April 28, 2012 by Th4rg3
addition of detail

[Ajax]

I'm sorry to hear you're hurting, but I think you've found the right place to post about it.

 

A couple things I've noticed about your situation might be relevant, especially the fact that you mention your lack of experience and the fact that you get attached quickly.

 

It's common for one person to be head over heals for someone and get so caught up in their own feelings that they don't notice that the other person isn't quite on the same page. That doesn't mean that that person doesn't like them or isn't interested at all, but if the other person comes on too strong, it can be uncomfortable.

 

Is it possible that this is what might have happened, and that she was trying to save your feelings and let you down easy by saying she was too busy with her own life? I know it hurts to think about that way, but if a woman really wants to be with someone she will be, and help make them a part of their life. My impression is that what she gave you was a line.

 

Break ups hurt, especially when they seem to come out of nowhere and for no good reason. But in time people heal and move on. Despite your lack of experience, I hope this will not color your view of love and relationships. Heartbreak, though tragic, is something we all seem to have to go through in order to mature.

[BewitchedandBothered]

If it was true love, she would make time. Sounds like a bunch of excuses and she was softening the blow. you met once every 10 days? You will recover from this:)

[Th4rg3]

Thanks for the reply!

 

I know that her life is redicoulusly busy, she doesnt even get time to see her friends outside school.. Ive been to her house a number of times and its so much upkeep and her 7 horses they have take a lot of time each day and with school, revision and events I know she means it, and I know she still likes me and I could hear her pain in her vioce when she was explaining... She needs to focus on exams and horseriding as that is her life and im the easiest thing to get rid of as it wont affect her future..

[Th4rg3]

She thought she would be able to cope by fitting me in and seeing as she is only 16 it is hard for her and I think her mum pressured her into doing it... Just I have had a couple of relationships but she was different, we had everything in common, people even said we could be brother and sister that we were so similar... No one has shown affecrion for me as much as she has..and now its gone in 4 hours...

[Th4rg3]

And it wasnt once every ten days exactly it depends on what she had planned, we saw each other 5 mins after school most days, but that was in the car park... We met mo and st Sundays as they are her only free full days.. She is so kind and she is honest and she looked in the diary and litterally over the next 4 weeks we would be unable to meet up.. And she got so upset that she decided that it would hurt us both too much and worried id get bored

[BewitchedandBothered]

She's only 16? You'll get over it!!

[Th4rg3]

I think she got into a state, she fell of her horse and injured herself badly and she has been taking loads of pain killer as she still has to ride.. And the ammount she's taking can make you really down and depressed and stressed, I may this could have been what happened, im going to leave it a few days and let her think about everything and calm down and then text her seeing how she is.. If she really likes me she will come back, unless she is that strong that she can block our emotions which she is a very driven girl and once she has made up her mind she pretty much sticks to it.. Otherwise ill just have to learn to leave what you love..

[Ajax]

I'm going to leave it a few days and let her think about everything and calm down and then text her seeing how she is.. If she really likes me she will come back

 

If she really likes you she'd come back on her own, without you texting her. If she really liked you, she would never have broken up with you in the first place!

 

I feel for what you're going through, but I think you're searching for answers that aren't there and holding onto a false hope. We all do that after our first heartbreak. I did it after my ex dumped me. I even tried to blame it on her depression, medication, and stress from a new job. Sound familiar?

 

I know you're looking for answers, but we rarely get any that satisfy us. People who break up with us tend to sugar coat it to try to save us the full brunt of the pain, and make themselves look a little better too. I think rather than text her in a few days you should make a commitment to never reaching out. She made a choice, that her life would be better without you in it. And as harsh as that is, she needs to live with the consequences of that choice... not having you in her life.

 

The benefit to you in not reaching out to her is that you won't look desperate. You'll show that you have self respect and maintain your dignity.

[Th4rg3]

She can't afford to like me.. She said she shouldnt have tried in the first place as she got as eventually yesturday she obviosuly realised that it was getting to serious for her riding career.. She wants to remain good friends, which she said this morning, so im gonna stick with that and move on, and who knows, anything may happen,

 

thanks for the reply