My ex has moved on...TWICE!

[rose27]

I broke up with my ex of 4 years at the beginning of last year and between then and now, he's been engaged and in another relationship.

 

The first relationship he had started only two months after we broke up and four months into his relationship, he proposed to her. They ended up calling off their engagement in December and broke up due to family issues. In that time, I somehow found myself running back to him and we had a brief fling until he told me that he wanted to cut off contact with me because he was getting to know another girl, who he is now in a serious relationship with.

 

I know many people would wonder why I still care as he is my ex and he did hurt me, but I guess it's hard because I'm still single and haven't even been close to a relationship. In the past, I was always a little co-dependent and I was rarely ever single for long periods of time. But I feel as though now I'm looking for my idea of perfect and that instant connection, not a "just for now" relationship. This makes it a little difficult to meet someone, but I want something meaningful. I guess I am feeling a little jealous knowing that he's been able to meet girls so quickly, but I just don't know how to stop focusing on his life and start focusing on mine.

 

Has anyone experienced anything similar? How did you get through it?

[wilsonx]

You just deal with it, eventually you get tired of it and start wanting to get your own life in order and cleaning up your own mess.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I broke up with my ex of 4 years at the beginning of last year and between then and now, he's been engaged and in another relationship.

 

The first relationship he had started only two months after we broke up and four months into his relationship, he proposed to her. They ended up calling off their engagement in December and broke up due to family issues. In that time, I somehow found myself running back to him and we had a brief fling until he told me that he wanted to cut off contact with me because he was getting to know another girl, who he is now in a serious relationship with.

 

I know many people would wonder why I still care as he is my ex and he did hurt me, but I guess it's hard because I'm still single and haven't even been close to a relationship. In the past, I was always a little co-dependent and I was rarely ever single for long periods of time. But I feel as though now I'm looking for my idea of perfect and that instant connection, not a "just for now" relationship. This makes it a little difficult to meet someone, but I want something meaningful. I guess I am feeling a little jealous knowing that he's been able to meet girls so quickly, but I just don't know how to stop focusing on his life and start focusing on mine.

 

Has anyone experienced anything similar? How did you get through it?

 

He can meet 'em but he can't seem to keep 'em;)

[windmask]

firstly am sorry for saying this but its my own view though so dont take it to heart. its my view it doesnt mean am right or wrong its just how i see it.

 

ok so you broke up with him though first up. you see after 4 years of being together once u decided to break up you probably hurt him a lot too. am sure in that time he struggled and questioned like what did i do to deserve this. then when all was done with he found someone else it didnt work out but u entered his life again.

 

sooner or later am sure he realized the amount of pain you probably caused because you wanted to break up. because you see the person you leave behind really loves you but once you do leave it will always be in the back of there mind that you could actually just pack up and leave them again and ruin there life again.

 

so honestly i probably would have done what he did too. and btw you being single thing and you say thats not normal for you well it just shows how hurt you maybe because he said am cutting off contact because i want to be with someone else or try to be happy.

 

you seem a bit sad by the whole thing but i think your hurt because he wants to be with this girl now. honestly you may some great feelings for this guy though too. but you should let him figure his own thing for now because its what hes decided to do for now.

 

i dont think the dumpees forget how the dumper left them high and dry and we always think it will just happen again with the same person and it might just destroy us for good if we put the same amount of trust in them again.

 

sorry if i was being harsh my view is just from a dumpess point of view because it seems something i felt i guess....i dont know if am right or wrong i guess everyones different so yea. its one gud thing though that you dont hate him in anyway because you did kinda start the chain of events by breaking up in the first place. i always found the dumpers always go on to hate the dumpess in my case it was that i didnt know why because i was like she dumped me why does she hate me so much why when we talk. your case seems different or perhaps you havent mentioned you hate the guy or not but it doesnt seem like you hate him. so glad for that i guess.

 

maybe you guys are meant to be together am sure if its meant to be something will bring you guys back together but for now focous on your life who knows who might enter it and brighten it even more.

 

gud luck

Edited April 28, 2012 by windmask

[dsw31]

I wouldn't worry about his relationships all that much, he's just rebounding & not giving himself a proper greiving/self improvement period.

 

Those relationships are not going to end well.

 

Guys just aren't as picky as women with their sex partners.It all boils down to evolution.

[health]

I wouldn't worry about his relationships all that much, he's just rebounding & not giving himself a proper greiving/self improvement period.

 

Those relationships are not going to end well.

 

Guys just aren't as picky as women with their sex partners.It all boils down to evolution.

 

I agree with what you said that he's just rebounding.

 

However I disagree with your generalization about guys.

 

I'm a guy and I'm very picky about anyone I sleep with.

 

I have since learned that males and females attitudes towards sex are more similar then different.

[dsw31]

I agree with what you said that he's just rebounding.

 

However I disagree with your generalization about guys.

 

I'm a guy and I'm very picky about anyone I sleep with.

 

I have since learned that males and females attitudes towards sex are more similar then different.

 

Health,

I agree the sexes are pretty similiar, & I believe you... when you say you're picky.

 

But - "picky" is also in the eye of the beholder.

 

A guy may consider himself picky, if he only chooses 1 girl out of 100 to have sex with.

Or perhaps you'd even say you'd only have sex with 1 girl out of a 1000?

 

(Lets be honest though- most guys would bone 8 outta 10 girls)

 

Where as most women (or should I just say I?) would only choose 1 man out of a 1,000,000 to have sex with.

 

Maybe I'm just speaking for myself??

Edited April 28, 2012 by dsw31

[rose27]

firstly am sorry for saying this but its my own view though so dont take it to heart. its my view it doesnt mean am right or wrong its just how i see it.

 

ok so you broke up with him though first up. you see after 4 years of being together once u decided to break up you probably hurt him a lot too. am sure in that time he struggled and questioned like what did i do to deserve this. then when all was done with he found someone else it didnt work out but u entered his life again.

 

sooner or later am sure he realized the amount of pain you probably caused because you wanted to break up. because you see the person you leave behind really loves you but once you do leave it will always be in the back of there mind that you could actually just pack up and leave them again and ruin there life again.

 

so honestly i probably would have done what he did too. and btw you being single thing and you say thats not normal for you well it just shows how hurt you maybe because he said am cutting off contact because i want to be with someone else or try to be happy.

 

you seem a bit sad by the whole thing but i think your hurt because he wants to be with this girl now. honestly you may some great feelings for this guy though too. but you should let him figure his own thing for now because its what hes decided to do for now.

 

i dont think the dumpees forget how the dumper left them high and dry and we always think it will just happen again with the same person and it might just destroy us for good if we put the same amount of trust in them again.

 

sorry if i was being harsh my view is just from a dumpess point of view because it seems something i felt i guess....i dont know if am right or wrong i guess everyones different so yea. its one gud thing though that you dont hate him in anyway because you did kinda start the chain of events by breaking up in the first place. i always found the dumpers always go on to hate the dumpess in my case it was that i didnt know why because i was like she dumped me why does she hate me so much why when we talk. your case seems different or perhaps you havent mentioned you hate the guy or not but it doesnt seem like you hate him. so glad for that i guess.

 

maybe you guys are meant to be together am sure if its meant to be something will bring you guys back together but for now focous on your life who knows who might enter it and brighten it even more.

 

gud luck

 

Sorry, I think I should have been more specific before posting...it was a mutual "break", neither one of us dumped each other. We discussed that we had a lot of stress surrounding us and we felt as though we needed the time apart to figure ourselves out because we were living together and we just came back from a 4 week trip together. He wanted to focus all of his attention on his mother who was terminally ill as well so I respected that and let him have the time that he needed. We both agreed that it didn't mean we were going to meet other people in that time because we wanted to figure things out apart and then see how we felt about each other in a month or so. We just wanted to make sure we were doing the right thing. Obviously he didn't follow through with that and ended up dating someone else. I'm pretty sure he did it out of fear that I would turn around and say that I was happier without him. I do understand your point of view though and I appreciate your opinion.

[rose27]

I agree with what you said that he's just rebounding.

 

However I disagree with your generalization about guys.

 

I'm a guy and I'm very picky about anyone I sleep with.

 

I have since learned that males and females attitudes towards sex are more similar then different.

 

I agree, it can definitely go both ways. I used to think that it was a typical male thing and I've had several females tell me the same thing but I've seen many women jump from one relationship to the next because they simply don't know how to cope with their emotions on their own.

[CopingGal]

I've talked about this before, so I'll be brief.

 

Yes. My ex moved on during one of our break ups in 7 days.

The next time, I thought he again had moved on in 7 days, but I found out he had been cheated on me. He told me he was never going to get married and then proposed to her in 5 months.

 

I threw him out of my life, but it was hard because he kept trying to force me to stay in his life even though I suffered and I needed to be left only. The thing that is helping me the most, is that I stay away from him. I've broke NC over 3 weeks ago to tell him off. I've since stayed away and I'm doing better now.

 

The ex didn't end up getting married, which is no surprised. He's incapable of having a decent relationship.

 

NC helps the most.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I've talked about this before, so I'll be brief.

 

Yes. My ex moved on during one of our break ups in 7 days.

The next time, I thought he again had moved on in 7 days, but I found out he had been cheated on me. He told me he was never going to get married and then proposed to her in 5 months.

 

I threw him out of my life, but it was hard because he kept trying to force me to stay in his life even though I suffered and I needed to be left only. The thing that is helping me the most, is that I stay away from him. I've broke NC over 3 weeks ago to tell him off. I've since stayed away and I'm doing better now.

 

The ex didn't end up getting married, which is no surprised. He's incapable of having a decent relationship.

 

NC helps the most.

 

Our cases are different because our ex's have issues with borderline/cluster/bipolar. They will not be able to maintain a decent relationship because they bring toxins to the table.

[health]

Health,

I agree the sexes are pretty similiar, & I believe you... when you say you're picky.

 

But - "picky" is also in the eye of the beholder.

 

A guy may consider himself picky, if he only chooses 1 girl out of 100 to have sex with.

Or perhaps you'd even say you'd only have sex with 1 girl out of a 1000?

 

(Lets be honest though- most guys would bone 8 outta 10 girls)

 

Where as most women (or should I just say I?) would only choose 1 man out of a 1,000,000 to have sex with.

 

Maybe I'm just speaking for myself??

 

I see what you're saying, I stil feel it's a generalization. It all goes down to the individual. There are girls out there who would sleep with one out of 5 guys - I knew some.

 

I take the subway - I see hundreads of thousands of people in a week.

Months go by where I'm not attracted to any of them - and even if I am? So what - then the compatibility issue kicks in.

 

I just think the generlizations about men AND women should stop.

 

I used to keep thinking it's easier for women to get into relationships - but high quality relationships I believe are a challenege for anyone to get into.

[windmask]

well after you explained a bit more it makes more sense lady..

that guys just useless then waste of your time....if he wants to run around with some new girl all the time let that clown do it...

 

the thing i realized is in order ot let it all go you need to take a extreme step too. dont waste to much time over this guy. just cut him out already it will be hard i know that for a fact. but you dont deserve the pain you feel each and every day either.

 

if he wants to marry some chick let him who cares it doesnt mean he will be happy all the way either. and i support your decision in finding someone who really is special and you guys just click and know hes the one and all. it may sound impossible but theres always hope...yes line might be over played but i like to believe this world pretty much runs on hope or half of the world atleast....wish you the best...

[threebyfate]

It's been 4 years rose. Most people move on within this time frame, whether once, twice, thrice or keep dating around. It's time for you to stop focusing on your ex. This is what's keeping you from moving on, in that if your heart and mind are filled with your ex, where's the room to allow someone else into your life?

 

Let him go.

[wilsonx]

It's been 4 years rose. Most people move on within this time frame, whether once, twice, thrice or keep dating around. It's time for you to stop focusing on your ex. This is what's keeping you from moving on, in that if your heart and mind are filled with your ex, where's the room to allow someone else into your life?

 

Let him go.

 

I hate that song... "The One That Got Away"

[CopingGal]

Our cases are different because our ex's have issues with borderline/cluster/bipolar. They will not be able to maintain a decent relationship because they bring toxins to the table.

 

 

My ex doesn't have borderline/bipolar. My ex has sociopathy/narcissitc. And yes, you are right, he brings toxins to the table. It's a long, hard road, but overall I'm feeling better.

 

I think it doesn't matter what someone ex is like though, good recovery efforts like below can be used for anyone going threw a break up:

 

-keep busy

-take care of yourself

-spend time doing things that enrich your life

-don't do bad habits like binge eating (I did), alcohol, or drugs, etc.

-do practice NC, and be serious about it---if you want to get over the ex and don't want him or her back

-have a relationship with yourself

-journal

-if the pain is too much, seek therapy.

 

I think anyone can apply those things to their break up no matter what kind of ex they have.

[stillafool]

I wouldn't worry about his relationships all that much, he's just rebounding & not giving himself a proper greiving/self improvement period.

 

Those relationships are not going to end well.

 

Guys just aren't as picky as women with their sex partners.It all boils down to evolution.

 

I think men are picky who they have sex with. Ever notice how they navigate towards goodlooking women and are particular about womens weight issues? I can understand him wanting to experience other women but when a man asks a woman to marry him I don't think that relationship is casual or that he is just rebounding.

[Kamila]

I broke up with my ex of 4 years at the beginning of last year and between then and now, he's been engaged and in another relationship.

 

The first relationship he had started only two months after we broke up and four months into his relationship, he proposed to her. They ended up calling off their engagement in December and broke up due to family issues. In that time, I somehow found myself running back to him and we had a brief fling until he told me that he wanted to cut off contact with me because he was getting to know another girl, who he is now in a serious relationship with.

 

I know many people would wonder why I still care as he is my ex and he did hurt me, but I guess it's hard because I'm still single and haven't even been close to a relationship. In the past, I was always a little co-dependent and I was rarely ever single for long periods of time. But I feel as though now I'm looking for my idea of perfect and that instant connection, not a "just for now" relationship. This makes it a little difficult to meet someone, but I want something meaningful. I guess I am feeling a little jealous knowing that he's been able to meet girls so quickly, but I just don't know how to stop focusing on his life and start focusing on mine.

 

Has anyone experienced anything similar? How did you get through it?

 

You shouldn't try to know what's going on in your ex-boyfriend's life.

It will cut you like a knife.

I know that. The moment I saw my ex with a new girl, I relived the break-up a 1000 times worse.

It was one of the worst days of my life.

 

The next step for me was to cut contact with him, all sorts of contact.

 

Why ? Because I don't want to know him anymore. And you should too. Close that door of your life. You gotta be strong girl.

[rose27]

Just to clarify, we were together for 4 years and we broke up last year. I'm not that sad. Secondly, I thought you might all be interested in what I'm up against. So basically, I changed my number so that my ex wouldn't contact me at all. I knew if he did, he'd manipulate me into coming back or something. The other day he called my best friend who is married to one of his relatives and asked her for my number. He was so smooth about it and she had no idea that I didn't want anything to do with him even though I did make it clear to her. He targeted her because he knew she'd give it to him because she's easily manipulated. He apparently wanted the number of a hairdresser we used to go to which was fair enough, but continued to message me

Saying inappropriate things.

 

I truly believe that he is confused and mentally ill. I don't know why he can't stay out of my life and let me move on! But I'm trying to be strong and I'm focusing on me for once.