BewitchedandBothered Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 I was on the phone with a dear friend the other day and we were laughing about our experiences with our recent ex's---we went through pretty much the same thing, same time. It was uncanny how our paths crossed and we bonded over the two losers that broke our hearts. My ex's ex wife feels he is 'undiagnosed bipolar'--her description, but...after lots of research, I am finding him to be "borderline personality and narcissistic." although, bipolar seems to fit in there as well...Whenever he and an ex parted ways, he blew up her phone with texts/emails, etc. It was nonstop. He only did that to me during the relationship when we argued. When we split, he tried about 3 times to contact me about 8 months later, I ignored and he stopped trying. I had jokingly asked my friend what is 'wrong' with me that he didn't blow up my phone with texts, etc after our breakup like he did all the others. He tried getting them to come back to him, etc. But he didn't do this with me; sent a few texts and that was it. She said to me "Because you were the smart one who ripped his 'mask' off for everyone to see and he was humiliated. He was embarrassed because you made connections with mutual friends and some of those friends saw him for what he was, making you correct. He ran with his tail between his legs. You were different than the others." I wonder how true this is. Yes, I jokingly whined "why didn't he get all obsessive over me like the others??? whaaaats wroooong with meeeeeeeeee!!!" LOL. It's nice to be able to laugh about it now, but I am a natural born analyzer and when the topic came up, I was like "hey...wait a second...." He hated me for uncovering who he was and he had many block me, and blocked me himself--everything he was, he told people that *I* was--projecting his garbage onto me, then shutting down. Deleting wasn't enough. I don't know what he was worried about, I wouldn't have tried contacting him as he did all the contacting and never gave me the chance; I got used to it, so it never occurred me to inbox/call, etc. Just a random thought, I guess. She seems to think I crushed his inflated ego. What say you?
january2011 Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Some people don't like to be 'known'. It leaves them vulnerable. They're scared. And that fear makes them hate you. Or at the very least extremely wary of any future interactions. Reminds me of the conversation Gil Grissom had with Lady Heather at the end of an episode of CSI Vegas. He'd tried all his life to be a 'ghost' and she, a complete stranger, zeroes in on him, his wants, needs and desires. I suspect that your ex had spent all his life cultivating a certain persona and for you to call him out, ripping his mask off (as your friend said), that pulled the rug right from under him. 2
TaintedHeart Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 He knew you wouldn't take any of his BS. Simple 1
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted April 28, 2012 Author Posted April 28, 2012 He knew you wouldn't take any of his BS. Simple That's exactly what my friend said!!! The others ended up staying in contact with him for awhile=--he always said "I don't throw anyone away", LOL. And he also used to say "There's no reason why we shouldn't keep in touch"--he would always reach out to anyone he used to be involved with and try to get them back on his Facebook, too. I wonder if he still contacts the ladies now that he has a new g/f. The lady who warned me about him in the beginning said he has over 200 ladies on his AoL chat list---he hid this buddy list from me when he and I used to chat on AOL. Thought that was very telling. He hated how I was always putting the pieces together. I hated it too; you shouldn't have to be solving mysteries and puzzles in a relationship.
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted April 28, 2012 Author Posted April 28, 2012 Some people don't like to be 'known'. It leaves them vulnerable. They're scared. And that fear makes them hate you. Or at the very least extremely wary of any future interactions. Reminds me of the conversation Gil Grissom had with Lady Heather at the end of an episode of CSI Vegas. He'd tried all his life to be a 'ghost' and she, a complete stranger, zeroes in on him, his wants, needs and desires. I suspect that your ex had spent all his life cultivating a certain persona and for you to call him out, ripping his mask off (as your friend said), that pulled the rug right from under him. You are very right in that he spent his life cultivating---and protecting a certain persona. 1
Exit Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 (edited) I think you're spending a bit too much time analyzing things and worrying about what it means. The reality is, maybe he didn't bug you like all those other girls because he just didn't care to, like you initially wondered. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, I'm just saying, talking to other people, or even just thinking to ourselves, and coming up with these little solutions to the puzzle that suddenly makes us feel great and like the other person is a jerk, is just a futile exercise. Telling ourselves our exes were bipolar or this that or the other thing, or our ex didn't chase us after the breakup because we were the badass who exposed them to too much reality and they just couldn't handle us, let's not kid ourselves. Let's heal the real wounds that really need to be healed. We got dumped, and our exes don't even talk to us anymore, and maybe they weren't bipolar narcissistic psychos, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. It's actually a bit narcissistic of us to think that nobody could possible choose to break up with us, and move on with their lives, and seemingly have no trouble no longer contacting us, unless they had some mental disorder, or that we too much a mask-tearing, wall-breaking superhero for them to handle. That's us trying to avoid reality just as much as someone with a personality disorder. It IS possible that some people just don't like us that much and want to forget us. Edited April 28, 2012 by Exit
Author BewitchedandBothered Posted April 28, 2012 Author Posted April 28, 2012 I think you're spending a bit too much time analyzing things and worrying about what it means. The reality is, maybe he didn't bug you like all those other girls because he just didn't care to, like you initially wondered. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, I'm just saying, talking to other people, or even just thinking to ourselves, and coming up with these little solutions to the puzzle that suddenly makes us feel great and like the other person is a jerk, is just a futile exercise. Telling ourselves our exes were bipolar or this that or the other thing, or our ex didn't chase us after the breakup because we were the badass who exposed them to too much reality and they just couldn't handle us, let's not kid ourselves. Let's heal the real wounds that really need to be healed. We got dumped, and our exes don't even talk to us anymore, and maybe they weren't bipolar narcissistic psychos, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. It's actually a bit narcissistic of us to think that nobody could possible choose to break up with us, and move on with their lives, and seemingly have no trouble no longer contacting us, unless they had some mental disorder, or that we too much a mask-tearing, wall-breaking superhero for them to handle. That's us trying to avoid reality just as much as someone with a personality disorder. It IS possible that some people just don't like us that much and want to forget us. Actually, his wife thought he was bipolar and left because of the abuse; she left three times and finally had enough and filed for divorce. His ex g/f told me the same thing; she had to get away because of the abuse. I went through the same thing. When we were together, I endured abuse and tried breaking it off; it was then he wouldn't leave me alone, harassed me, stalked me, the name calling was godawful. He would literally go from being sweet and kind to being surly and abusive; it always took a 5 minute span between extreme behavior changes.Scared the crap out of all of us. But, with my other experiences, I would let someone go because it didn't work out and then years later, we would reconnect on a friendly basis, no behavior issues, ever. Just incompatibility in relationships. Also, a fellow or two who let me go for the same reasons, it's just not working out; it happens. But the behavior that this particular ex showed caused me to take a longer than normal time to heal and analyzing is my nature. I didn't spend a lot of time on it; it was just an aha moment during a phone conversation and we joked about it. And it feels damned good to be at the point where I can joke about it. This man sincerely and utterly does have issues--I was warned by people I didn't know, via Facebook to stay away from him, but I was already chin deep in his charm. Then it all unraveled. I'm not one to pooh pooh my ex's dumping me as people who must be screwed up; this fellow really is messed up and I dodged a bullet. My other ex's are normal and that's that.
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