coffeecat Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Years ago, I was present at a brunch with some really uptight religious women when another lady turned the whole event on it's head and inspired shock and awe (to my amusement) by declaring that she was in love with her husband because of the great orgasms he gave her. She explained that love was a hormone induced feeling that came from oxytocin. Oxytocin comes from orgasms. Women fall in love with men who give them orgasms. Every now and then I think about what she said, because I personally feel that I am in love with my husband and we have great sex. BUT, do we have great sex because we love each other or do we love each other because we have great sex? I decided to look this up today and pulled an article from the Daily Mail called "Sex: why it makes women fall in love". It explains the theory behind orgasms making women love their mate more and other perks of sex such as the growth of new brain cells, better sleep, etc.. So then I started thinking about all of my friends marriage problems and the tales of women who no longer love their husbands and husbands who feel their wives don't love them anymore. Could the solution be as simple and primitive as better, stronger, more frequent orgasms?? Of course, unfortunately the orgasm theory does not work the same way for men 2
january2011 Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 I think there's a bit of truth in that theory. However, sometimes it's not about the finish, but about the journey itself and who you take with you. 4
Ursa Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 It's not THE reason I love my husband, but, it surely doesn't hurt. 3
SandieBeach Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Interesting point....well, there is definitely less tension with more frequent orgasms....when the feeling's that good, what's there to be tense about?? 2
xenomorph Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Well in that case, I need to marry my vibrator But honestly, it's more about the connection prior to orgasm that makes the connection AFTER orgasm so much stronger. I noticed that as my marriage suffered, so did the sex, orgasm or not. We would both be able to orgasm, but the lack of intensity and connection afterwards wasn't there in abundance. respect, connection, love, passion, orgasm, greater connection... rinse, repeat, in that order. 1
quankanne Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 lathering understood, Xeno? gotta agree with the other posters, that orgasm is fantastic when you're having sex, but it's got to be something deeper that keeps you coming back to this same guy, because let's face it, masturbation can give the same end result. it's not about the finish, but about the journey itself and who you take with you and I'm convinced after nearly 22 years together that *this* is what keeps me here. We're older, health problems plague both of us and the sex has come to a trickle, but even at it's worst, it's still pretty damn good simply because it's him. There's no one else I'd prefer to snuggle up to, or smooch with, or hold hands or play grab-*ss with, because the depth of intimacy just wouldn't be there. ... okay, maybe *ss-grabbing wouldn't be limited to just him if I saw a nice pair of cheeks that begged to be pinched :laugh:
threebyfate Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 First problem, reading the Daily Fail. It's equivalent to The National Enquirer. It's worthwhile to research how neurochemistry impacts. The two main hormones that impact on coupledom are dopamine (reward center impact) and oxytocin (pair bonding). But love is a verb and a noun. For most but not all, one of their languages of love is physical touch. For some, it's their top language of love. For some, it's no big deal. In other words, good sex can be an important component of love but there are plenty of other essential daily ingredients that combine, to maintain love. The belief that orgasms are the sole component is analogous to pair bonding with a dildo.
Bellechica Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Yes if it's just about the orgasm then I'm in love with myself as I mostly have to self pleasure. I believe that there is more than great sex to M. The biological component of sex though is what I believe creates the "fog" in As and creates illogical thinking.
Feelin Frisky Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 I can only say that the most orgasmic woman I've ever had in my life who I planned to marry but it couldn't work out because of her BPD, her total ease at having orgasms at will was so compelling to me that I kept trying to make it work way longer than I should have and it was destructive to me. What I'm saying is that her sexual proficiency didn't make me love who she was as a person any more but gave me good cause to believe I'd never get with someone quite like that again and I didn't want to let that go--ever. Regrettably it has turned out that way although hope still springs eternal. If there is truth to love increasing with orgasm she should have done a lot more to allow me to be happy with her and just live. But she was neurotic as hell--very suspicious and always quick-drawing negative conclusions that were unfounded and that was most disquieting. I simply could not earn her trust no matter my obvious fidelity.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 I've actually heard that to be somewhat of a BPD trait. Plus that's my experience as well. Furthermore: I do believe that sex (orgasms) more specifically do have that effect, or at least a blinding one. I strongly caution young women to not get hot and heavy until about 3 months or so, then you can see more of how he deals with stress etc. As well as how much he respects you. I found for myself that after about 3 Os with a guy, I started to really get attached, to the point where there's some grief at letting go if it's a fling or something. The idiots I thought I would share a white picket fence with.....*sigh*
findingnemo Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 I think that the combination of love and good sex is very powerful. Each of them alone can't really make someone stay with another. But when both exist, it's almost impossible to make a couple stop seeing each other. It explains why certain couples can survive problems that others can't. It explains why a woman can love a man who many consider a difficult person and they just can't understand why. When two people know how to please each other and when they continually seek to do so sexually, it creates a strong bond. It also explains why one can stay in love with a person they will never see again. It makes sense to me.
Radu Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 Years ago, I was present at a brunch with some really uptight religious women when another lady turned the whole event on it's head and inspired shock and awe (to my amusement) by declaring that she was in love with her husband because of the great orgasms he gave her. She explained that love was a hormone induced feeling that came from oxytocin. Oxytocin comes from orgasms. Women fall in love with men who give them orgasms. Every now and then I think about what she said, because I personally feel that I am in love with my husband and we have great sex. BUT, do we have great sex because we love each other or do we love each other because we have great sex? I decided to look this up today and pulled an article from the Daily Mail called "Sex: why it makes women fall in love". It explains the theory behind orgasms making women love their mate more and other perks of sex such as the growth of new brain cells, better sleep, etc.. So then I started thinking about all of my friends marriage problems and the tales of women who no longer love their husbands and husbands who feel their wives don't love them anymore. Could the solution be as simple and primitive as better, stronger, more frequent orgasms?? Of course, unfortunately the orgasm theory does not work the same way for men It works for men too as far as i can feel it. A few yrs ago i decided to make the first step and read a couple of books on sex. Some came from 'guru's', some were written by 70's feminists including one with fantastic details about the female anatomy. I also found a few that detailed the physiological differences between men and women (brain/arms/legs/skin ... everything). The last one was heavily inspired by medicine books, it had a ton of anatomy in it. They have helped a lot in improving my relationships, i'd say that if you show this stuff early in a relationship with a woman you might even scare her. And if any man is reading this and plans to do it, HIDE THE BOOKS because you will get in trouble early in the relationship. For my mind, if i give her better sex, she will be more willing to work on our relationship, she will be more understanding and she will in return also be more willing to try new kinky stuff in bed (i get bored fast so i need to change things even for myself). As for the oxytocin stuff, men orgasm too but for us it's a bit easier to orgasm ... maybe we have a built in resistance by now ? Where i live, most women and men (read 99.9%) do not even know their own bodies so this is a huge advantage in a relationship but it can also be a curse.
DarkPrince Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I know for a fact that if you can please your woman more than the average joe, than she will be much more loyal, and tolerate much more crap from you than someone who cant turn her on. Every woman in my life that I knew how to please was always loyal to me, would do anything for me, even if our personalities didnt match. On the other hand Ive had female friends who were like soul mates, yet there was no sexual chemistry, and that loyalty wasnt there.
somedude81 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 So basically, once you can give a woman good orgasms, she's yours.
january2011 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 So basically, once you can give a woman good orgasms, she's yours. Not exactly, but it's a good start.
xxoo Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 So basically, once you can give a woman good orgasms, she's yours. A lot of women will put up with a lot of crap for great sex.....for a while, at least. I'm not saying that's a great thing.
DarkPrince Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 So basically, once you can give a woman good orgasms, she's yours. pretty much, and be able to do it while making her feel valued for her personality and non sexual deeds.
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