It really is about the looks...

[udolipixie]

For some it is.

 

For some it isn't.

 

For me it isn't.

 

You're creepy based on your behavior, actions, and words.

 

You're creepy if I feel you're a threat or cross my personal boundaries as I don't know you and likely don't know whether there's good or bad intent behind his actions only his actions.

 

So if you're socially awkward or inept you're most likely to be creepy to me if you cross my personal boundaries.

 

Think about it. If an ugly guy comes up to woman and says "i'm interested" he will automatically be a creep, or a loser. If a hot guy does the exact same thing, he will be brave and masculine.

 

That's a logical fallacy to me if applying it as a generalization or definitive fact.

 

It also seems to be one many promote because they dislike being called creep and I think this says it bests.

 

If it's not the claim that looks is sole or main reason a guy gets called creepy. Then gal's creepy claims tend to be dismissed with overemotional, overreacting, and creating drama while the guy's behavior is minimized, excused, or justified.

 

Another factor is when touching comes into play with the 'it's wrong if it's okay if a hot guy does it but bad when an ugly guy does' is the implication that if a gal is okay with one guy doing something then she has to be okay with all guys doing something. That she doesn't get to decide what/who/when/where is okay in regards to her body it's a free for all as I guess gal's bodies are public property to be used by men...?..

[Radu]

When a man approaches, it really doesn't manner how or where he does it.

 

It's about the looks.

 

Think about it. If an ugly guy comes up to woman and says "i'm interested" he will automatically be a creep, or a loser. If a hot guy does the exact same thing, he will be brave and masculine.

 

Looks are the most important during an approach or initial encounter. After all, it's your looks that you advertise and show off when you look for a partner. That's your starting point. Later on you determine whether or not the person you chose suits your other wants (personality and sex).

 

It's not about how you approach, what you say or where you say it (aside from the extremes of course ie: rudeness, disrespect etc). It's about how hot you are that will determine if you get the girl or not.

 

END NOTE: This applies more to approaching strangers, not friends or colleagues whom you already somewhat know.

 

ADD: By "get the girl" I mean initially while approaching.

 

From my experience, looks matter (a lot too), but also it matters how you approach.

If you are a hot guy and you approach in a very shy way, it could be considered as 'cute' and you will get away with it.

If you are an ugly guy and you approach in a very shy way, i doubt it will work.

But if you are an ugly guy and you approach in a way that shows strength of character, determination, without any doubt in your eyes or walk ... you can get away with quite a lot.

 

Looks is something that to some degree you can improve upon (though plastic surgery for guys is frowned upon), clothes and style is something you can deffinitely improve upon and confidence is something you can deffinitely improve upon.

[SJC2008]

Just have confidence, looks don't matter. Confidence will override any ambivolence...RIGHT.

 

Attractive women are hit on all the time so when you ask them for their number and they say no, be "cocky and funny" and say "Oh you don't have a phone, just write your # down it'll be ok". She is saying no because she is hit on all the time and is "testing" you. That is from a PUA site. The reason she said no is because she's single or NOT ATTRACTED.

 

I'm not going to waste my time hitting on a beautiful woman. I'm an average looking, cute at best man who is slightly over weight and thinning. It's not self degrigation, it's being a REALIST.

 

Op is right.

[zengirl]

Yes, but you can't see how much money, confidence, humour or personality someone has just by looking at them.

 

Subconsciously, we can open or close ourselves to the men we want to approach us. And we determine which men we want to approach us by how attractive we find them.

 

You can assess money and confidence by just looking at someone (the way they dress, the way they stand). You won't always get it right, but your mind can make a guess -- and many people's do, even subconsciously.

 

I have never looked around a room and considered, "which man do I want to approach me?" Or at least not in years. I simply started talking to people. Sometimes I'd approach a guy and realize I wasn't interested in him! (I imagine this happens to men as well sometimes.) So, yes, there is a lot you cannot tell by 'looking.' However, an approach itself has more components than just seeing. It has interaction. You can tell a lot from a small bit of interaction --- or at least I often can.

 

You either WOULD have sex with someone, or you WOULDN'T. There is no in between when you are looking from afar.

 

Well, from afar, I would have sex with no one. Honestly. I could never pick a guy out and say, "I'd do him." I have no idea. And that's never been my criteria for accepting a first date or a cold approach. So, perhaps your perceptions are based on a particular view of dating and sex.

 

Please reread my post. All that matters in an initial approach to a stranger.

 

That's the scenario I'm referring to. I think you can tell a lot more from a first approach -- the manner it's done, the way the guy is dressed, the word choice the guy uses, the topic he chooses to start with, etc -- than just looks. So, yes, looks are heavily weighted at this stage, but there are other factors that I can already see that can qualify or disqualify a guy almost immediately. That's my experience with dating and being approached. I've been approached by handsome strangers who turned me off in some other way and turned them down. I've been approached by someone I'd never notice across the room who was only mildly attractive and then said yes to. IME, looks are simply not ALL that matters, even in a cold approach. The things that matter are not necessarily 'deep' however -- as you cannot know deep things -- but you can get a sense of some traits from just a few sentences (I can, at least), and we will also judge someone on the way they are styled/groomed/dressed, as well as their word choice and even how they walk, etc. Some of these decisions and reactions will be conscious and some will be subconscious.

[Anela]

Just have confidence, looks don't matter. Confidence will override any ambivolence...RIGHT.

 

Attractive women are hit on all the time so when you ask them for their number and they say no, be "cocky and funny" and say "Oh you don't have a phone, just write your # down it'll be ok". She is saying no because she is hit on all the time and is "testing" you. That is from a PUA site. The reason she said no is because she's single or NOT ATTRACTED.

 

I'm not going to waste my time hitting on a beautiful woman. I'm an average looking, cute at best man who is slightly over weight and thinning. It's not self degrigation, it's being a REALIST.

 

Op is right.

 

Actual PUA's don't seem to be looking for relationships - they couldn't care less about anything more than scratching an itch, and adding another notch to their bedposts. It's more about propping up an ego, and looking good in front of their buddies, than experiencing real chemistry with a woman and building something of real value.

[Chubbi]

There are so many variables though when it comes to it.

 

1, Cold approaches are shocking.

 

First, you have to register what the person is saying. Then, you have to make a 30 second look at him to see if you still want to talk to him. Then, you feel like a idiot because your brain is trying to catch up. Then, you either realize you are interested or you are not. Having a drink can speed up the process.

 

If the girl is an introvert and insecure, like me, it can be a little daunting and too much. If you take too long though, some men will think this is acquiescence.

 

I never get approached by the average, quiet guys. It is always the douches and the extroverts and they'd just fill up time talking to me about themselves.

 

2. Women only agree about the extremes in terms of looks.

 

Women only agree about the really good-looking men or the really fugly ones. The ones in between are up in the air with who will find them attractive. My friends and I disagree all the time about attraction. It really helps me if I can see their personality too or I won't notice.

 

The men I've found really attractive are the ones I thought about after I went home. I'll talk to them and then be like yea yeah. Then, I'll go home and think about it and then decide if I'm interested or not.

[Els]

The OP is true, but it makes a whole lot of assumptions. The guy has to be approaching her for the first time, asking her out on a date rightaway, and she must not know anything about him (not a colleague etc).

 

Given all those parameters, of COURSE the largest contributor would be the guy's appearance. What else would anyone expect when they try to ask a woman out 5 minutes after meeting her?

 

That's like saying 'It really is about the looks' when talking about guys checking out women in a bar.

 

Neither of the above reflects accurately how relationships are actually like or what they 'really are' about.

[jobaba]

 

2. Women only agree about the extremes in terms of looks.

 

Women only agree about the really good-looking men or the really fugly ones. The ones in between are up in the air with who will find them attractive. My friends and I disagree all the time about attraction. It really helps me if I can see their personality too or I won't notice.

 

I have not really seen that. I agree women agree about the really good looking males, but after that it seems like they are not attracted to any of the others. I mean I have some friends who are pretty average looking (5'10", athletic, average face) and have never had a woman hit on them.

 

Men can MAKE women attracted, but that's a different story.

[FitChick]

Looks is something that to some degree you can improve upon (though plastic surgery for guys is frowned upon).

 

More and more men are having plastic surgery, not just for the opposite sex but because of age discrimination in the workplace. The tricky part is finding a good surgeon.

[jobaba]

More and more men are having plastic surgery, not just for the opposite sex but because of age discrimination in the workplace. The tricky part is finding a good surgeon.

 

I would do it if I thought it would help, but I think plastic surgery improves you very marginally at best and makes you look goofy and unnatural at worst.

[FitChick]

I would do it if I thought it would help, but I think plastic surgery improves you very marginally at best and makes you look goofy and unnatural at worst.

 

Did you actually look at that link with the before and after photos?