It really is about the looks...

[Joaquin]

In regards to your writing style I'd say your uptight. But a nice guy. Lookwise, Id say your a handsome devil...

 

Sorry mate. I failed to see that was meant for the girls...

[AD1980]

No ***** which is why i dont even approach women i dont want to waste their or my time..

 

All the talk about its not about looks its about confidence blah blah blah is for the naive..

[dasein]

In regards to your writing style I'd say your uptight. But a nice guy. Lookwise, Id say your a handsome devil...

 

I had a hunch you actually were Joaquin Phoenix, you were great in "Walk the Line" btw.

[Joaquin]

I had a hunch you actually were Joaquin Phoenix, you were great in "Walk the Line" btw.

 

Thanks babes. Always love to hear that kinda ****.

[threebyfate]

lolwut? Unless you have telepathy, what other means beyond the corporal body can someone gauge attraction to the extent of even bothering to approach or reject?

 

Looks get you into the door. From then on for many but not all, the first conversation matters.

 

I recall an incident in Starbucks many years ago. There was a gorgeous guy who chatted me up. After the first few minutes, attraction nose dived to disgust. The guy was beyond stupid.

Edited April 27, 2012 by threebyfate

[Joaquin]

lolwut? Unless you have telepathy, what other means beyond the corporal body can someone gauge attraction to the extent of even bothering to approach or reject?

 

Looks get you into the door. From then on for many but not all, the first conversation matters.

 

I recall an incident in Starbucks many years ago. There was a gorgeous guy who chatted me up. After the first few minutes, attraction nose dived to disgust. The guy was beyond stupid.

 

One swallow doesn't make a summer....

[threebyfate]

One swallow doesn't make a summer....

This comment requires expansion. Do tell.

[kaylan]

OK.

 

If you're so confident about your looks and so intent on playing the game that way, then post a pic. You're obviously rejecting guys left and right unless they're hot.

 

Backup your big talk.

 

If looks mean so much to you, then post a pic here for us to see, and let us rip you apart. Or PM one to me.

 

And let be shown, I will admit if a woman is hot. There was a poster here not long ago that asked for some advice and she had a few pics up (which she didn't even bring attention to). She was hot.

Yeah I gotta agree with this. OP has made it a habit of telling us something about her looks or a guys looks and we have no idea what she even looks like. Its just off putting for you to make this thread when in the past youve acted pretty shallow about preferences, then made threads about guys sucking or not being attractive, then telling us how attractive you are, with no pics ever to be found.

 

Your past threads leading to this thread just seem off putting. If you wanna talk looks all the time, let us see a pic.

[SteveC80]

Of course its all about looks..When i was in my physical prime i could pretty much say whatever the hell i wanted to women treat them liek dirt and theyd eat it up..

 

Me and my friend did an experiment..hes shott balding and not very attractive i at the time was in pretty good shape told i was handsome..

 

We approached women using the same lines whoch were rather crude and racy..i got numbers from these women and they laughed he almost got smacked numerous times and had a women try to get a bouncer to throw him out of the club:laugh:

[RiverRunning]

Your looks are definitely the way in the door, but this applies to both men and women. If I were to go up and ask a guy out, I'd almost certainly get rejected - and then on top of that I would be fodder and I'd be the disgusting woman who thought she had a chance with him. Give the exact approach to a more attractive woman and it's a sealed deal.

 

This has always been true, so I'm not exactly certain why this is shocking. If you're not as attractive, yes, you have to go in for a much slower kill than someone who is attractive. You have to become friends first and usually try your luck in a group environment (as opposed to having one-on-one dates) at first.

[threebyfate]

Damn it, I have been exposed.

Laughing at the comments too!

 

Glad you've ditched the rapping, fierce mormon look!

[Anela]

Just out of curiosity:

 

Question: Women of Loveshack that are familiar with my writing style; given what you know and have learned over time in regards to my writing style, how would you rate my looks?

 

Pretty high, but I also remember you saying something about a portion of your avatar, in regards to your own looks, and Joaquin Phoenix is the type that I'm instinctively attracted to.

 

You like women, and can disagree with them without hating on them (or us as a whole). That's a big plus. It's obvious that you don't argue just to argue - you care about whomever you're responding to (ES, eleanor, somedude, etc). You can seem serious, but you've mentioned that you're very busy and under stress, and you take people's feelings seriously. I've also seen you be a bit playful, and you don't seem to be shy around the ladies. Maybe it's stupid of me, and indicative of my own sometimes naive nature, but you seem trustworthy to me.

 

I don't know how to translate this to someone's looks, I just know that more attractive personality traits leave me feeling like I'd like to spend more time around someone. I was thinking about this the other day, when I saw somedude's thread: the last guy I was interested in on a dating site, wasn't tall, or rich, he had no hair (shaved head), but he looked kind and open. He said that he had worked on getting over his shyness, recognizing his mistake in not opening up as much as he should have/being so inhibited over the years. He's an admitted nerd, but doesn't think that he's uncool. He seems to be comfortable with who he is. A few of the things he was interested in, were things that I was interested in - either wanting to try, or that I've already had some success at (like growing my own food). He takes care of himself (and thinks enough of himself to do so), he runs his own business, doing what he enjoys - he had the confidence to quit something secure in the past, in order to have more freedom and do what he loves, and he's keeping himself afloat. He has goals, a sense of humour, a certain amount of confidence but doesn't seem arrogant. His writing style was as laid-back as he seemed to be. He was cute (to me), but again, not "hot". He had a nice smile and nice, warm eyes - just a nice look to him.

[mesmerized]

Honestly it's pretty rude. You're essentially saying that if a man is unsuccessful in picking up women he approaches it's because he's not attractive enough.

 

Ok.

 

So what would you say about a woman who's consistently unsuccessful in *getting* men to approach her, like...yourself?

 

This is a different issue tbh. For getting approached looks matters for sure, but also the type of guys around you matter even more. I get approached all the time in some areas and none in others. Some guys are shy and afraid or stubborn to approach. A few times in the past when I had guys looking at me but not doing anything, I decided I would approach them instead! I did and every single time it went pretty successful. Now you might say it's different when a woman approaches because guys want it easy which is true. But they were also very receptive to me which makes me think they did find me attractive yet for whatever reason they didn't approach.

[FrustratedStandards]

I enjoy reading this post by FrustratedStandards because women compliment me on my looks all the time. I've been called sexy, hot and handsome repeatedly. I've been told I could pass for a super model. I've been told I should be dating only 10's.

 

That said, I'm scared to death of approaching beautiful women. I can tell you for sure, I get caught in the "playdar" all the time. As many times as I've been called a variation of "good looking" I've also heard "player".

 

I think women automatically assume a good looking guy is always a player.

 

So, yes, when I approach women, I seldom get one word answers and getting phone numbers is easy. Getting women out on first dates is nearly impossible.

 

Yes with the bolded. That's because there are so few "hot" men, so automatically it is assumed that few hot men + lots of horny women = lots of women per hot man.

 

Honestly it's pretty rude. You're essentially saying that if a man is unsuccessful in picking up women he approaches it's because he's not attractive enough.

 

Ok.

 

So what would you say about a woman who's consistently unsuccessful in *getting* men to approach her, like...yourself?

 

That's exactly what i'm saying (bolded). For the most part, that would be the reason.

 

As for me, it's different because I don't have problem with men, I problems finding one that I actually like. That's the problem, and yes, it is entirely my own.

 

I didn't dispute it. I just think it's rude to make such a sweeping generalization without allowing for any other possibility. And the hypocrisy is stunning here. When it comes to OP's own difficulties in dating, she makes every excuse in the book about why men don't approach her - not one of which has to do with how unattractive she is. But the men who can't pick up women? They're just not hot. Simple.

 

Bolded 1: It's a generalization because it's true, they don't pop out of no where. And I never said there aren't any other possibilities, I said specifically in an environment where you approach strangers. Doesn't anyone pay attention when they read?

 

Bolded 2: Like mentioned by other posters, unless you are extremely clever or witty (so that it makes up for your looks) then for the most part, yes, looks will determine everything initially.

 

This.

 

Hasn't this been discussing ad nauseaum already? What is your point Frustrated Standards? An epiphany about the obvious?

 

No. I just see so many "how do I approach, should I approach, where should I approach" threads that I want to emphasize that it doesn't matter. You have to be in shape, you have to be clean, well dressed and good looking. Threads like these just tell me that the men ask because they are unsuccessful. First thing that pops into mind is because they aren't good looking enough (for the type of women they try to pick up).

 

You don't see players on here complaining.

 

That's just you. I don't form opinions of people that quickly and harshly.

 

And I definitely don't categorize women into whether I'll have sex with them right away or not.

 

They are just a person I'm talking to and a person I know until something about them grabs my interest.

 

But you do. You either WOULD have sex with someone, or you WOULDN'T. There is no in between when you are looking from afar. Once you get to know them, yes this opinion can change. But INITIALLY (people often read over this word) yes you categorize them in either or.

 

First impressions, with little other data, are heavily weighted towards looks and other seen traits (style), but I think approach matters a lot. I've turned down many an attractive man --- even plenty I, personally, found physically attractive --- because they repelled me in some other way.

 

Of course, if you're good looking, cold-approaching will be easier, and if you're not, it will be harder. That's just reality. But to think it's all that matters. . . from experience, I disagree.

 

Please reread my post. All that matters in an initial approach to a stranger.

 

You know … sometimes I really think you are a guy in drag.

 

Maybe I am ahaha

 

And … if you're right, and it IS all about looks, then guys don't approach you simply because you don't look good to them. Mystery solved.

 

It's different for women. Most men admittedly don't approach because they have low self-esteem or, more commonly, they fear rejection. The two are completely different.

 

Agree with OP. No idea why she gets so much heat here given the quality of many threads here. It's a totally legit thread.

 

Thank you

 

No it isn't just me - it's humans. It is how science currently understands our brains to work at a first meeting of another of our species. It isn't harsh and we can't help it. Biology designed subconscious 'judging' as a protection mechanism - to determine friend from enemy 'instantly'.

 

Our opinion might change on further investigation but we will form an opinion in the first few seconds whether we are conscious of it or not.

 

The 3 options regarding sexual attraction are my 'definition' but, again, it is widely accepted that we make a decision within the first few seconds. Nobody consciously categorises someone in that way (although I'd bet most people are very aware when they find someone drop dead gorgeous) but, nevertheless, we all make the decision pretty much on the spot without being aware of it.

 

It's nothing to be ashamed off, it's just part of how our brains work.

 

Exactly my point.

 

Just out of curiosity:

 

Question: Women of Loveshack that are familiar with my writing style; given what you know and have learned over time in regards to my writing style, how would you rate my looks?

 

I can't imagine how you look just by your writing. I can imagine that you are very intelligent, well-spoken, well-written and educated.

 

This, however, doesn't conjure an image in my mind. In my experiences, these qualities have never had any strong correlation with a particular look.

 

If you looked like your writing style then I would say sharp, conventional and serious.

 

(and by sharp i mean, tidy, clean cut, stylish. )

 

Yes.

 

lolwut? Unless you have telepathy, what other means beyond the corporal body can someone gauge attraction to the extent of even bothering to approach or reject?

 

Looks get you into the door. From then on for many but not all, the first conversation matters.

 

I recall an incident in Starbucks many years ago. There was a gorgeous guy who chatted me up. After the first few minutes, attraction nose dived to disgust. The guy was beyond stupid.

 

Agreed. That's why if a man approaches a woman and simply says "hi" she will judge him based on his looks alone. She makes a decision on whether or not he is worth getting to know better based on how attractive she finds him.

 

Yeah I gotta agree with this. OP has made it a habit of telling us something about her looks or a guys looks and we have no idea what she even looks like. Its just off putting for you to make this thread when in the past youve acted pretty shallow about preferences, then made threads about guys sucking or not being attractive, then telling us how attractive you are, with no pics ever to be found.

 

Your past threads leading to this thread just seem off putting. If you wanna talk looks all the time, let us see a pic.

 

You see? You do it too.

 

If i'm "hot" then it's okay to say the things I am saying. If i'm "ugly" then I should be quiet.

 

You judge based on looks and yet you're calling me out on being shallow?

 

Of course its all about looks..When i was in my physical prime i could pretty much say whatever the hell i wanted to women treat them liek dirt and theyd eat it up..

 

Me and my friend did an experiment..hes shott balding and not very attractive i at the time was in pretty good shape told i was handsome..

 

We approached women using the same lines whoch were rather crude and racy..i got numbers from these women and they laughed he almost got smacked numerous times and had a women try to get a bouncer to throw him out of the club:laugh:

 

Thank you for this post!!!!!!! This is exactly the point i'm trying to make.

 

Your looks are definitely the way in the door, but this applies to both men and women. If I were to go up and ask a guy out, I'd almost certainly get rejected - and then on top of that I would be fodder and I'd be the disgusting woman who thought she had a chance with him. Give the exact approach to a more attractive woman and it's a sealed deal.

 

This has always been true, so I'm not exactly certain why this is shocking. If you're not as attractive, yes, you have to go in for a much slower kill than someone who is attractive. You have to become friends first and usually try your luck in a group environment (as opposed to having one-on-one dates) at first.

 

I don't agree with the bold. The fact that a woman approaches has nothign to do with looks. As usually discussed on here, it makes her seem "too desperate" or "too aggressive" moreso if she's hot. So no, it doesn't apply to both.

 

This is a different issue tbh. For getting approached looks matters for sure, but also the type of guys around you matter even more. I get approached all the time in some areas and none in others. Some guys are shy and afraid or stubborn to approach. A few times in the past when I had guys looking at me but not doing anything, I decided I would approach them instead! I did and every single time it went pretty successful. Now you might say it's different when a woman approaches because guys want it easy which is true. But they were also very receptive to me which makes me think they did find me attractive yet for whatever reason they didn't approach.

 

I <3 you mesmerized. Sometimes I think we are the same person

Edited April 27, 2012 by FrustratedStandards

[Content]

Cold approches in general are tough..yes if youre good looking you will suceed more but even for good looking guys cold approaches are a numbers game..

 

My friend does great with women hes pretty good looking but in cold approaches even he has to go through a lot of no's..

 

So getting rejected by a cold appraoch doesnt automatically mean a awomen thinks your ugly or unattractive some women just dont respond well to cold aproaches or might have a boyfriend or be having a bad day etc

[threebyfate]

Agreed. That's why if a man approaches a woman and simply says "hi" she will judge him based on his looks alone. She makes a decision on whether or not he is worth getting to know better based on how attractive she finds him.

The element of approach matters. Some guys, no matter how attractive give off a creepy vibe.

 

I recall this guy staring at me at the mall, while we were headed in opposite directions. Something about his stare triggered fight/flight so I made a wide detour around him.

[Woggle]

It gets the foot in the door but for me it is much more than that. I dated a woman based on just looks and everybody thought I was out of my mind for dumping but they didn't have to deal with her crazy. I also went on dates with hot women who turned me off one way or another.

[FrustratedStandards]

Cold approches in general are tough..yes if youre good looking you will suceed more but even for good looking guys cold approaches are a numbers game..

 

My friend does great with women hes pretty good looking but in cold approaches even he has to go through a lot of no's..

 

So getting rejected by a cold appraoch doesnt automatically mean a awomen thinks your ugly or unattractive some women just dont respond well to cold aproaches or might have a boyfriend or be having a bad day etc

 

But cold approaches is exactly what i'm talking about. When you are out with the boys or a group of friends and you spot a girl you like, your approach will be cold regardless. Even if you bump into her, apologize and then compliment her, the approach is still cold because you didn't know each other before hand.

[WhiteChocolate]

I'm not sure if it's like this for anyone else, but for me, a guy's attractiveness can vary greatly depending on how he acts.

 

Some good looking guys give me chills. Some ugly guys can make me smile. Some tall guys can come off too arrogant/player-ish. Some short guys can make my heart skip a beat.

 

It all depends on the person, not necessarily their looks. First impressions matter for everyone, but the "hotness" of a person is not solely determined by their physical attributes. Money, influence, fame, confidence, humor, and personality all matter too, depending on who you are talking to.

[FrustratedStandards]

I'm not sure if it's like this for anyone else, but for me, a guy's attractiveness can vary greatly depending on how he acts.

 

Some good looking guys give me chills. Some ugly guys can make me smile. Some tall guys can come off too arrogant/player-ish. Some short guys can make my heart skip a beat.

 

It all depends on the person, not necessarily their looks. First impressions matter for everyone, but the "hotness" of a person is not solely determined by their physical attributes. Money, influence, fame, confidence, humor, and personality all matter too, depending on who you are talking to.

 

Yes, but you can't see how much money, confidence, humour or personality someone has just by looking at them.

 

Subconsciously, we can open or close ourselves to the men we want to approach us. And we determine which men we want to approach us by how attractive we find them.

[WhiteChocolate]

Yes, but you can't see how much money, confidence, humour or personality someone has just by looking at them.

 

Subconsciously, we can open or close ourselves to the men we want to approach us. And we determine which men we want to approach us by how attractive we find them.

I disagree. It's not like the man is standing in a blank room wearing nondescript clothing and saying nothing.

 

When a man approaches, there are so many factors at play. What was he doing before he approached? Does he approach with a laidback grin and saunter or hesitantly? What is the first thing he says? Does he make eye contact? How seductive is his voice? Is he wearing an expensive watch? How is he dressed? Is his hair clean? How does he smell?

 

Good-looking men don't automatically get a free pass. Many do better because they have learned how to take advantage of their looks, but some have no clue. Same goes for not-so-blessed men. They learn to deal with it, or they don't. Looks do play a part, but it's not ALL about looks.

 

It's all about the entire first impression.

 

Edit: I do agree that it's all about how attractive we find them. My point is, attraction is not based solely off physical beauty.

[Bob_Funk]

I had never heard of this procedure but found this information which you might find helpful. Surgeons who do this procedure give their opinions.

 

Thank you for that. Yeah, it's not a very common surgery, but it should be. A lot of guys have this problem and aren't even aware of it.

[kaylan]

You see? You do it too.

 

If i'm "hot" then it's okay to say the things I am saying. If i'm "ugly" then I should be quiet.

 

You judge based on looks and yet you're calling me out on being shallow?

Youre not getting it. The point is not to be a hypocrite. And the point is also you need to be realistic and honest about yourself as well.

 

In regards to your OP, sometimes looks matter the most, sometimes they dont. With my ex, I didnt really make an assessment about her looks until I already had fallen for her personality and the great way we clicked.

 

With my current crush I didnt make too much of a sexual assessment of her until recently. Before that I was just "meh" about her. Shes a pretty girl, and what I like physically (slim), but shes a super good girl compared to me, and until I got to know her more I wasnt that into her. If she was less of a good girl, and was more challenging and confident in who she is as a woman, then I would of wanted her as soon as I met her.

 

Looks matter for me yes, and they get people in the door...but a personality can really push a chick over the top with me.

Edited April 28, 2012 by kaylan

[threebyfate]

I disagree. It's not like the man is standing in a blank room wearing nondescript clothing and saying nothing.

 

When a man approaches, there are so many factors at play. What was he doing before he approached? Does he approach with a laidback grin and saunter or hesitantly? What is the first thing he says? Does he make eye contact? How seductive is his voice? Is he wearing an expensive watch? How is he dressed? Is his hair clean? How does he smell?

 

Good-looking men don't automatically get a free pass. Many do better because they have learned how to take advantage of their looks, but some have no clue. Same goes for not-so-blessed men. They learn to deal with it, or they don't. Looks do play a part, but it's not ALL about looks.

 

It's all about the entire first impression.

 

Edit: I do agree that it's all about how attractive we find them. My point is, attraction is not based solely off physical beauty.

Good post although you'll find that not every woman wants the same approach from men or even wishes to be approached cold.

[LittleTiger]

I disagree. It's not like the man is standing in a blank room wearing nondescript clothing and saying nothing.

 

..................

 

 

It's all about the entire first impression.

 

Edit: I do agree that it's all about how attractive we find them. My point is, attraction is not based solely off physical beauty.

 

Exactly - and most of the time we're not even conscious of what it is that is attracting us - we just like what we 'see'. It's instinctual based on how he presents himself - and how he presents himself is largely unconscious too.

 

We get clues about someone's personality just from the way they stand or walk - so if Mr Drop Dead Gorgeous walks towards us in a cocky, arrogant, a***hole manner - chances are he'll get the cold shoulder from any woman with her head screwed on.