It really is about the looks...

[FrustratedStandards]

When a man approaches, it really doesn't manner how or where he does it.

 

It's about the looks.

 

Think about it. If an ugly guy comes up to woman and says "i'm interested" he will automatically be a creep, or a loser. If a hot guy does the exact same thing, he will be brave and masculine.

 

Looks are the most important during an approach or initial encounter. After all, it's your looks that you advertise and show off when you look for a partner. That's your starting point. Later on you determine whether or not the person you chose suits your other wants (personality and sex).

 

It's not about how you approach, what you say or where you say it (aside from the extremes of course ie: rudeness, disrespect etc). It's about how hot you are that will determine if you get the girl or not.

 

END NOTE: This applies more to approaching strangers, not friends or colleagues whom you already somewhat know.

 

ADD: By "get the girl" I mean initially while approaching.

[Cracker Jack]

While most of that seems accurate, I've seen some pretty good looking guys flat-out get ignored when they made obnoxious approaches to certain women, or didn't come off as confident or interesting enough whenever they (the women) took time to talk to them. So, it actually does matter how you approach. Sure, some women will let it slide if the dude's hot enough, but how you approach is very important. Looks are subjective, anyway.

 

Now watch some dudes use this topic as an excuse to not approach women...

[FrustratedStandards]

Right. Well I disregarded the extremes (such as being too obnoxious). I mean a generally average approach (whatever that might be).

 

And like you said, many women will let it slide if he is hot. That's my point. Looks matter more.

[USMCHokie]

This isn't news...it's just people are too PC or too worried that other people would judge them negatively if they were to actually admit this...

[Cracker Jack]

Yeah, I sorta overlooked the extreme part. But, even still, I've seen some girls appear open to a dude, then by the middle of the convo, they'd be bored as hell, trying to get out of the convo, and eventually say "that's ok" when asked for their # or FB. It really depends on the woman, and if the guy can actually keep them interested.

 

Overall, looks are important when approaching. Not disagreeing there. I just don't think this type of thing should stop guys from approaching. A girl we approach might not be receptive to our approach, but it doesn't mean our looks are bad. It could just mean she's not attracted to the individual.

[SJC2008]

It's just human nature and isn't sex orientated. Guys say mean $hit like she's last call (shouldn't have to explain that one) or she has a muffin top.

 

I'd take a plain jane that I'm attracted to with a funny/sarcastic personality over a hot woman with a plain jane personalith any day of the week.

 

If you are attracted to someone your creep radar is disengaged rather quickly IMO.

[FrustratedStandards]

It's just human nature and isn't sex orientated. Guys say mean $hit like she's last call (shouldn't have to explain that one) or she has a muffin top.

 

I'd take a plain jane that I'm attracted to with a funny/sarcastic personality over a hot woman with a plain jane personalith any day of the week.

 

If you are attracted to someone your creep radar is disengaged rather quickly IMO.

 

Yes! Automatically!

[jobaba]

When a man approaches, it really doesn't manner how or where he does it.

 

It's about the looks.

 

Think about it. If an ugly guy comes up to woman and says "i'm interested" he will automatically be a creep, or a loser. If a hot guy does the exact same thing, he will be brave and masculine.

 

Looks are the most important during an approach or initial encounter. After all, it's your looks that you advertise and show off when you look for a partner. That's your starting point. Later on you determine whether or not the person you chose suits your other wants (personality and sex).

 

It's not about how you approach, what you say or where you say it (aside from the extremes of course ie: rudeness, disrespect etc). It's about how hot you are that will determine if you get the girl or not.

 

END NOTE: This applies more to approaching strangers, not friends or colleagues whom you already somewhat know.

 

ADD: By "get the girl" I mean initially while approaching.

 

OK.

 

If you're so confident about your looks and so intent on playing the game that way, then post a pic. You're obviously rejecting guys left and right unless they're hot.

 

Backup your big talk.

 

If looks mean so much to you, then post a pic here for us to see, and let us rip you apart. Or PM one to me.

 

And let be shown, I will admit if a woman is hot. There was a poster here not long ago that asked for some advice and she had a few pics up (which she didn't even bring attention to). She was hot.

[FrustratedStandards]

OK.

 

If you're so confident about your looks and so intent on playing the game that way, then post a pic. You're obviously rejecting guys left and right unless they're hot.

 

Backup your big talk.

 

If looks mean so much to you, then post a pic here for us to see, and let us rip you apart. Or PM one to me.

 

And let be shown, I will admit if a woman is hot. There was a poster here not long ago that asked for some advice and she had a few pics up (which she didn't even bring attention to). She was hot.

 

This post has nothing to do with me. Please vent somewhere else.

[SmileFace]

I don't think looks have anything to do with it. Is it his fault he may approach a girl who isn't attracted to him. Does that mean he shouldn't approach any other girls? It not about how you approach but who you approach. Just because something worked on one girl doesn't mean it will work on another. Posts like these are discouraging.

[jobaba]

This post has nothing to do with me. Please vent somewhere else.

 

Never mind. I remember you now. I don't believe you to be a real person and if you were, Yeeeesh!

 

Lord have mercy.

[FrustratedStandards]

I have no intention of discouraging.

 

I should have specified that by looks I meant to the individual woman. If he is hot to her.

 

I'm just trying to emphasize that this is the biggest contributing factor in this kind of environment (approaching a stranger).

Edited April 27, 2012 by FrustratedStandards

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yes and no.

 

When I was younger it was really all about looks.

 

The night I met my now ex, a lot hotter guy approached me. I somehow sensed that I would have more long-term potential with my ex (hot guy seemed like a player) and I rejected the hot guy.

[oaks]

When a man approaches, it really doesn't manner how or where he does it.

 

It's about the looks.

 

I agree, but I'm surprised that you're only just noticing this!

[LittleTiger]

Yes, it is about the looks, but not quite how you describe it.

 

We (men and women) all form opinions of each other (male or female) within seconds of meeting. We decide not just on physical attraction but also on whether we think the other person is intelligent, their level of education, whether they are happy/sad, uptight/easy going, income level, nice guy/girl, player/slut (funny how the promiscuous man gets a less derogatory title!), and any other quality that is important to our own value system.

 

It takes seconds, not minutes, for each of us to form our opinion and we do it entirely subconsciously.

 

When it comes to sexual attraction there are usually three gut reactions:

 

1) Yes I would have sex with this person - instant physical chemistry

2) No I would never have sex with this person - instant physical turn-off

3) I might have sex with this person if they have the qualities I am looking for in a parter - little or no instant physical chemistry but not turned off.

 

So, yes, it's sort of about the looks but it's not about someone being 'hot'.

Edited April 27, 2012 by LittleTiger

[yongyong]

What's the point of saying this?

Are you frustrated that guys below your standard approach you all the time?

(just letting you know, a pretty flower attracts all kinds of bugs. If you just attract flies, you need to realize what kind of flower you are)

 

It's true he needs to be somewhat attractive in 'her eyes' not by objective standard.

 

If I approach girls who's well below my standard (just plain fat and nasty, like an opposite couple in jerry springer's show), will they suck my xxxx? No.

 

So analyze this situation. they still have something called 'their type'

 

This girl is pretty attractive and seems bit hard to approach. But what would be her type? You never know!!!

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yes, it is about the looks, but not quite how you describe it.

 

We (men and women) all form opinions of each other (male or female) within seconds of meeting. We decide not just on physical attraction but also on whether we think the other person is intelligent, their level of education, whether they are happy/sad, uptight/easy going, income level, nice guy/girl, player/slut (funny how the promiscuous man gets a less derogatory title!), and any other quality that is important to our own value system.

 

It takes seconds, not minutes, for each of us to form our opinion and we do it entirely subconsciously.

 

When it comes to sexual attraction there are usually three gut reactions:

 

1) Yes I would have sex with this person - instant physical chemistry

2) No I would never have sex with this person - instant physical turn-off

3) I might have sex with this person if they have the qualities I am looking for in a parter - little or no instant physical chemistry but not turned off.

 

So, yes, it's sort of about the looks but it's not about someone being 'hot'.

 

 

True. If it isn't number 2. I give person a shot.

 

I rarely experience no. 1 and haven't had in years.

[ptp]

Yes it is all about looks. So you shouldn't complain about guys not approaching you. How is a guy supposed to read your mind to know if he is attractive enough for you?

 

Especially considering that women rate 80% of men as below average, according to this OKC blog post.

 

As you can see from the gray line, women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium.

 

Your Looks and Your Inbox « OkTrends

[TheSingleGuy]

I enjoy reading this post by FrustratedStandards because women compliment me on my looks all the time. I've been called sexy, hot and handsome repeatedly. I've been told I could pass for a super model. I've been told I should be dating only 10's.

 

That said, I'm scared to death of approaching beautiful women. I can tell you for sure, I get caught in the "playdar" all the time. As many times as I've been called a variation of "good looking" I've also heard "player".

 

I think women automatically assume a good looking guy is always a player.

 

So, yes, when I approach women, I seldom get one word answers and getting phone numbers is easy. Getting women out on first dates is nearly impossible.

[xxoo]

It takes seconds, not minutes, for each of us to form our opinion and we do it entirely subconsciously.

 

When it comes to sexual attraction there are usually three gut reactions:

 

1) Yes I would have sex with this person - instant physical chemistry

2) No I would never have sex with this person - instant physical turn-off

3) I might have sex with this person if they have the qualities I am looking for in a parter - little or no instant physical chemistry but not turned off.

 

So, yes, it's sort of about the looks but it's not about someone being 'hot'.

 

This is true, but really only applicable to when you are meeting people in a dating context. For example, a man cold approaching in public, OLD, a blind date, etc. In that context, there is no reason to continue contact at all if the attraction is not there.

 

When meeting people in normal life, people have more time to develop opinions about sexual attraction, and it is about far more than looks. I've had many experiences where I barely noticed a guy because I was distracted by my own business, but later developed an attraction when I got to know him in a different context.

[verhrzn]

Hey I've been saying this all along....

[LexiB]

What's the point of saying this?

 

Honestly it's pretty rude. You're essentially saying that if a man is unsuccessful in picking up women he approaches it's because he's not attractive enough.

 

Ok.

 

So what would you say about a woman who's consistently unsuccessful in *getting* men to approach her, like...yourself?

[Imported]

don't you hate beta geeks who advertis their persnality. they suck ass. its funy when they aproach girls and get their asses handed to them

 

 

Actually, it is painful for me to watch. A friend of mine who is a good enough guy, but who did not luck out in the looks department although he does maintain what he has well enough approaches a very good looking girl. From the very beginning I could see the girl was giving vibes for him to stop and leave, but he doesn't. For a good 15 minutes, she tried pretty hard and politely for him to leave her alone, but he doesn't. Finally she just turns around, talks to her friend and ignores him. He stood there for another good 5 minutes before proclaiming loudly that she was a bitch skank. There are signs of attraction and signs of leave me the *** alone, some people can't read either. He had plenty of chances to leave gracefully and didn't.

 

 

Some women might reject out of being surprised by an uninvited stranger that she would have otherwise been interested in. It is always better to just approach if the girl shows that she wants you to. If you're good looking or "her type", then they will show interest. Sub-consciously or very well aware of what they're doing, if a girl wants you she will make it known.

 

Some women reject out of spite. Haters gonna hate. You're good looking, you must be some kinda "player".

[ThaWholigan]

I guess it's a good thing I'm hot **** then

[LexiB]

It's fact, why do you dispute it?

 

I didn't dispute it. I just think it's rude to make such a sweeping generalization without allowing for any other possibility. And the hypocrisy is stunning here. When it comes to OP's own difficulties in dating, she makes every excuse in the book about why men don't approach her - not one of which has to do with how unattractive she is. But the men who can't pick up women? They're just not hot. Simple.