AshinKusher Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Like every story this one’s long but I’ll try cut it as short as I can. It’s been a couple days since I broke it off with my ex girlfriend of almost 2 years. For some time I hadn’t been happy, my feelings for her slowly started to change I just wasn’t sure that I wanted it anymore. She is a beautiful, smart and funny girl truly in love with me and it was the hardest thing to tell her, because it broke her heart. I am just having trouble understanding where things went wrong and what made my feelings change. No relationship is perfect; we didn’t have all that many problems with ours but one that had persisted since the beginning was her jealously and lack of trust in me. I never hurt or cheated on her, I would never do something like that. This issue very early in the relationship slowly distanced me from my friends, and I let it be, thinking this will be able to show her that she can trust me, but it only made it harder for me to be able to spend time with friends and do the things I want. Every time I tried there would be a problem, and I was too afraid to even try going there. It was a pretty serious relationship we saw each other mostly every day, travelled overseas together, I even moved in with her and her family for almost a year til things went sour with her Mother so I moved back home. And moving back home was a great feeling for me having more space to myself. But since moving back she become a lot more clingy, calling me a lot of the time, messaging me and it just annoyed me (As terrible as it sounds it was true, but I never told her that). Being alone, doing the things I wanted felt a lot better for me and I think that played at the back of my mind on top of everything else telling me it’s time to do something. So I told her I don’t feel the same, I need time to figure out myself before I can move on with this relationship. A break was what I had in mind but firstly she didn’t understand the concept of a break, and because it was hurting her so much, it was hurting me so it never happened. We continued to be for a couple more weeks, she was trying to give me all her love but I just couldn’t give it back and acted cold towards her. She then spoke to me and told me the way I’m acting is hurting her so I decided to end it because I didn’t want to keep doing this to her. Although we are officially ‘broken’ up at this stage I see it more as time to figure out what I really want and I need to be near 100% about it before making a decision to go back to her or to go separate ways. There are just too many things running through my head I love her but I am not in-love as I once was. I don’t know how to find answers to everything. Was she the one for me? Did I do the wrong things? What am I meant to do now, I feel lost without her already but I don’t want to go back and go through the same thing.
wilsonx Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 You have a long journey ahead of you, good luck! You did the right thing for both of you 1
Philosoraptor Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 You were unhappy in the relationship and that is more than enough of a reason to end things. Life is too short to be unhappy. Focus on yourself and learn what you want out of life. It will help you adjust your people picker to the point that you are confident in what you want out of a partner and lifemate.
thinman Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Did you try to explain to her (before breaking it off) that she was smothering you?
CaliBabe Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 You did the right thing. Your own happiness is what comes first. Take this time to be alone and really figure out what you want. Go NC for both your sakes and see where your heart is after some time has passed.
Author AshinKusher Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 So it’s been almost two weeks since it happened, the first week was ok but then it started to hit me that I have nothing. I distanced myself from my closest friends being in the relationship and now I’ve lost my best friend who was my ex. I no longer have anybody close and it’s really lonely. And no Thinman I never explained to her she was over-smothering, guess there were just too many other problems it wasn’t my greatest worry. I’ve come to realize that not having the freedom I needed is what brought me to this, she was quite controlling, part of that being because her trust issues. I tried approaching her about it in every way, speaking about it, fighting about it, writing a letter about it, eventually I just gave up, I was even scared to bring it up when I told her I wanted more time with friends she would respond with “you’ve been fine with me for this long, I don’t get why all of a sudden you want friends and girls in your life”. She was even that jealous and insecure she got pissed off when a stranger (female) came and asked me for a lighter on the street. I may have made her out to sound horrible, but she really is beautiful and that is the only fault of hers I can think of but unfortunately one I can’t get past. I am just still very confused part of me wants to run back and see her smile again, the bad memories are slowly vanishing and I really have to think hard about why I wanted this again. I am just afraid to try and then hurt her again, but I am also afraid I’ll never find somebody else.
dandan89 Posted May 5, 2012 Posted May 5, 2012 Well take a bit longer to think about stuff and if you still feel the same after this given amount of time then you could give it a second chance but make sure you lay down some points to work on a go really really slow. But if you don't have any romantic feelings for her it'll be pretty dam hard. Hang in there man!
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