bspring2 Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Hello Everyone. I'm in need of some serious advice here. I've been in my current relationship for close to 2 years. Lately more and more problems have been arising between my girlfriend and I. In the past few weeks I have come to the conclusion that the problems that my girlfriend and I have are not ones that I can picture having in a marriage. She has made it clear that she wants to be working towards marriage, but I have told her I cannot take the relationship to that level while we have these problems. One of the biggest problems is that I have an extremely hard time getting her to talk or share anything personal about herself. Even everyday things are very hard to get her to share. Things like emotions, opinions, thoughts, anything that has any personal value to it has a hard time coming out of her. It makes me feel like I am dating a complete stranger, and it's impossible to really have an emotional bond with her. For example, she made a very brave move by moving to my home state of Colorado to relocate. She had never lived in another state before. after moving I hardly got any feedback regarding how she liked it here. Even when I asked, I'd say "so how do you like Colorado?", she would respond "it's good, I like it". That is pretty much the extent of what I would get. Considering it was such a big move I would have thought she would have wanted to talk about it in a lot more detail. I have told her basically that I want her to share everything that pops into her head, and play a more central role in the relationship. But i'm concerned that I'm wasting my time and her time, and it's just something that cannot be changed. She is a very sweet girl and we have a lot in common, we have sex regularly and are physically active together. We don't have a lot of friends outside of eachother, but we are working on changing that. We currently live together and our lease renewal is coming up soon. I'm not sure if I should renew the lease for a short time and really try to work things out, or just break it off because in the long run it will be better for both of us. I do really love her, and want to work it out, but at the same time I am concerned that if she is unable to share her personal experiences after 2 years, then it might never get better. Or even if it does get better in the short term, I'm concerned that it won't last. I have never had a problem like this with any of my other relationships. I knew for a while that this was a problem. But I assumed that it would just come work itself out naturally as she became more comfortable with me. If anyone has any advice on what to do here, I would really appreciate some feedback. Thank you Brian
DMS Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Not that I am an expert, far from it, but have you considered maybe starting the conversation by sharing some of your thoughts feelings etc? Some people just are not comfortable sharing their feelings ( myself included ) and it could be a way to open the door.
crazylove Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Maybe she's just a person that has difficulty expressing how she feels, or she doesn't know how? I know if someone asks me a direct question, eg How do you like Colorado, that I would probably say the same sort of thing in response, not because I don't want to, just that I might not be able to think of anything else to say! Maybe ask he open ended questions more, eg, "So what do you like most about Colorado?" So that she actually has to think of something else!
crazylove Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 ...another thing is, if you guys are always together, there probably isn't much else to talk about! Maybe, as you say expanding your social circles and having other interests would be a good thing:)
TaraMaiden Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Do you suspect she's hiding something? Is there something you are mistrustful of? Do you believe she's cheated? Do you believe she has a troubled past? you know, if that's the case, sometimes people don't want to discuss it, or it might be difficult for her to open up if it's painful or distressing. If that's not the case - maybe this is just the way she is. And that's the way you are. she might be inwardly complaining that you always want to know everything, you're always probing, you seem to want so much more, she doesn't understand why the heck you always want to know every single nuance, when in fact, she's quite happy the way things are.... it's an incompatibility.... Have you told her how unsettling you find it? Have you tried to explain to her that you like to open up and discuss emotions/feelings openly and that her reticence worries you? Have you communicated your disquiet to her?
djmm Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 hey Brian, I feel for you. I knew a girl like this, at first i thought she didnt trust me yet to open up but after getting to know her for a time, i figured she Couldnt open up, just wasnt her thing. Some people just dont share personal info/stories/experiences. And being that she is your GF makes it even harder. Im not going to tell you what to do but having an Open/Expressive/Communicative relationship with your SO can be a wonderful thing.;
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