conehead Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 If you loved someone (years ago) UNCONDITIONALLY yet they broke up with you (not cruelly, things just didn't work out), were you able to eventually find someone else you loved just as much if not MORE? I mean, you got your heart broken by someone who you thought was the world to you? How can you possibly truly get over it and find someone you love more deeply?
DuchessKaye Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Sadly, NO... I always have the feeling of being cautious... And that's preventing me to truly fall in love again... I am with someone and I like him soooo much. But I am not in love...
Ruby Slippers Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Not yet. I don't know if I ever will again. But I've figured out it's stupid to sit at home all lonely and sad - it's much better to have some fun if you can, even if it's not the love that rocks your universe.
january2011 Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 I'm in love, never thought I'd feel this way again. Is it true and forever? Don't know. Won't know until it ends - we break up or one of us is on our death bed. This time round, we're both adults who've been around the block and are more sure of ourselves, so it's a different kind of love. It's more honest. 4
shayla Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 My ex husband nearly killed me, and even then I knew I'd love again. A good woman. CAN NOT BE HELD DOWN! I've been in love twice since then, and will keep loving the rest of my life, of that, I am certain.
CarrieT Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Absolutely. In fact, several times... The heart is a resilient muscle, able to heal and love again. 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Yes. It doesn't have to be "more." It can be different. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 No, I don't beleive so. It depends on your personality I guess. I don't want to risk it again.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Absolutely. Once I came out of the big fog, discovered that other personalities seemed to be better than the one I thought was the world, its easier to believe that I can truly love again. As pessimistic as I usually am, I am optimistic about that. Just dont be as careless next time. Use more filters. Mostly because I know what to look out for to avoid getting burned...easily. I know when to trust and how to watch for red flags, how to turn down out personality traits, what to compromise on and what to not compromise on, etc etc. Even if I did get burned again, theres other people out there. Right now I feel like theres no red flag I cant catch.
Soxfaninfl Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 I haven't been in love since my ex-wife left me. I have dated two girls since, but was not in love with them. I'm dating a third now, so it's too soon to tell if I will fall in love again. My ex-wife was the first women I was in love with.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Absolutely. Once I came out of the big fog, discovered that other personalities seemed to be better than the one I thought was the world, its easier to believe that I can truly love again. As pessimistic as I usually am, I am optimistic about that. Just dont be as careless next time. Use more filters. Mostly because I know what to look out for to avoid getting burned...easily. I know when to trust and how to watch for red flags, how to turn down out personality traits, what to compromise on and what to not compromise on, etc etc. Even if I did get burned again, theres other people out there. Right now I feel like theres no red flag I cant catch. Do you ever feel like you are perhaps over-spotting red flags?
supanova Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Yes. It doesn't have to be "more." It can be different. ^this short statement resonates the most with me. i have had 2 serious relationships in my life, the first was 5 years, i thought i would never get over her as she was my first love, but my 2nd relationship which was 7 years made my first love feel like a short fling. see what i mean, "more" is a relative term and its likely to change when we move onto bigger and better things as most people learn from their mistakes and make more informed decisions as they move through life, well some of us do anyway
Author conehead Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 ^this short statement resonates the most with me. i have had 2 serious relationships in my life, the first was 5 years, i thought i would never get over her as she was my first love, but my 2nd relationship which was 7 years made my first love feel like a short fling. see what i mean, "more" is a relative term and its likely to change when we move onto bigger and better things as most people learn from their mistakes and make more informed decisions as they move through life, well some of us do anyway Interesting. Why did your first love of 5 years break up with you? Did you love her unconditionally?? What makes your second gf of 7 years 'better' than your first? At which point or how long into the second relationship did you realize she was 'better'?
FrustratedStandards Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 I was in love once, but he didn't break up with me, I broke up with him. And no, I haven't felt like that since. I have loved one man after him, but definitely not as much.
Author conehead Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 I was in love once, but he didn't break up with me, I broke up with him. And no, I haven't felt like that since. I have loved one man after him, but definitely not as much. Why did u break up with the one u truly loved if u loved him so much? Do u regret it? Did u break up with the second man as well?
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 No, I don't beleive so. It depends on your personality I guess. I don't want to risk it again. Risk what? 1
jennisfora Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 i don't know yet, but i think i will love again. took me a long time after my first boyfriend when i was 16 to trust again. i always dumped after that, as soon as problems appeared so that i wouldnt be dumped again. now years later, in my thirties, i finally fell hard again, and trusted someone completely, not right away, but over time he won me over, and then he got scared, and left me. so, still dealing with the pain of that. but, i think i will love again. i remember before thinking i would never love again, and i have. will it be soon? probably not. some people take longer to heal than others. will it be the same? no probably not. i wont be the same person. every experience changes you, at least a little. so, needs change along with that. but, i did love deeply, and i am grateful for that. better to have felt love and lost it, then to have never felt it at all. *hugs*
Ursa Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 OP, I have only skimmed, but I've seen you talk about 'unconditional' love a few times in this thread alone and I'm not sure what you mean by this. I have never loved anyone completely unconditionally--I could not continue to love someone who was unkind or abusive, etc. I have always had some dealbreakers in my relationships and personal boundaries. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but in my experience the women who talk most about unconditional love are the women who both seek and provide the most drama, the women whose boyfriends cheat on them and deal drugs etc. but refuse to stand up for themselves. So no, I have never loved unconditionally like that. I have, of course, been in love. Deep infatuation, and real love both, and with men who were flawed and sometimes difficult due to their multifaceted natures. I have had my heart stomped on and broken into a thousand pieces, and sometimes it took me a long time to finally finish grieving and put everything back together again and pick myself up off the floor. But of course I did, because life goes on, and because I learned from what happened and I grew and I changed and became a different, more mature person and began to find different, more mature loves. I am happily married now and very much in love with my husband and with the family we have made together, and I'm so grateful that I continued on the path the eventually led me to him. I'm even grateful for those broken hearts that helped teach me so much and make me the person I am today. 1
soserious1 Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 If you loved someone (years ago) UNCONDITIONALLY yet they broke up with you (not cruelly, things just didn't work out), were you able to eventually find someone else you loved just as much if not MORE? I mean, you got your heart broken by someone who you thought was the world to you? How can you possibly truly get over it and find someone you love more deeply? I vowed after my divorce to never love again, at first I thought my life would be sad & miserable but after a couple of years I am finding that the pump & dump is a LOT more exciting than being married ever was. I enjoy keeping my assets, not having to care take for a husband and not having to "check in" to ask a man's permission before I go out, spend money or make career choices. At this point I'm glad to be forever single & am sorry I wasted so much of my life believing in "true love"
FrustratedStandards Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Why did u break up with the one u truly loved if u loved him so much? Do u regret it? Did u break up with the second man as well? I broke up with him because he was psycho. He became very clingy and needy, VERY jealous to the point where he would follow me places. I don't regret it at all. Better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life. I broke up with the second as well. Our mentalities were very different and that became apparent later on. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Do you ever feel like you are perhaps over-spotting red flags? Oh no way. The beauty of red flags is that you can think about them before taking any action. Make decisions as to whether or not I'm making a big deal out of nothing and just have a misunderstanding on my hands. But I'm only looking for the obvious red flags like lying, words not matching actions, and all the usual stuff we see around here that I used to turn a blind eye to before coming to this site.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Risk what? The dead-awful emptiness I felt and still feel after the break up. I cringe at the thought of investing my emotions into anyone again. I think of dating and love and feel :sick: Soon enough I will relate to the dateless wonders around here.
Ursa Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 The dead-awful emptiness I felt and still feel after the break up. I cringe at the thought of investing my emotions into anyone again. I think of dating and love and feel :sick: Soon enough I will relate to the dateless wonders around here. The thing is, I have felt this way and been in this place, too. Everything passes, eventually.
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