How have you changed?

[DjinnAgain]

How have you changed in the way you approach dating, in the way you approach the opposite sex, and in who you are attracted to as the years have passed?

 

 

 

I will admit in my young years I did go after jerks and dismiss nice guys who would have treated me well. I used dating to get to know people. I did keep guys around for the self esteem boost without really considering the effect on them under the "I told them that I am not interested" stupid excuse. I was more interested if I thought I had to work for their affection. There was a recreational aspect to sex, but it was in a way something I had to hold. I dumped several guys who proposed or who said I love you just because they really liked me before finally accepting with my husband. I was skeptical and "jaded" towards love, reading much research on the social and biological roots and negating what that meant in relationships. I think lust and codependence and other stuff was more likely to be dubbed "love" to me back then.

 

 

 

At 27, I wouldn't put up with what I once put up with in treatment. I would not fall for the games or control techiques some of my previous relationships engaged in. I am attracted to nicer guys, and not to jerks. I have no interest for someone who does not show clear interest in me (it fades fast.) I have more specific wants. I can't imagine at this juncture dating somebody I wasn't friends with first. Dating multiple people seems like too much work. I would not engage in casual sex for an instant because it's better with love. I probably enjoy it more thoroughly, but only in the confines of a relationship. I am more likely to be attracted to a guy who I see being kind to animals, kids, volunteering in the community. I am a romantic to the core and think love is a beautiful, wonderful thing. (I think knowing real, pure love to my child resulted in that. Hard to doubt it once you have felt it for real.) I am FAR more likely to be direct - no real desire for games or beating around the bush.

 

Still have no idea what I am really doing, though - then or now.

 

What about you? How have you changed in attitude towards all this dating stuff over the years?

Edited April 27, 2012 by DjinnAgain

[FrustratedStandards]

This is a very good question actually.

 

Much has changed and continues to change, but the biggest change (for me) was my tolerance of certain men.

 

I was always sick of being single, so I would date guys that weren't worth my time or effort. I tolerated things that I shouldn't tolerate, and I sacrificed a lot just to be in a relationship (first few relationships).

 

Now, I don't tolerate anything I don't want to. Mind you this doesn't mean dismissing any man who isn't perfect, but if I don't find him attractive, then I shouldn't date him to see if the attraction will grow.

 

It won't.

 

I stopped feeling sorry for every single guy who ever liked me, and I started to care more about myself and what I wanted, rather than them. I am a lot happier this way.

 

Unfortunately this means I'm single again most of the time, but I prefer being single and lonely, than with a man who doesn't deserve me.

Edited April 27, 2012 by FrustratedStandards

[jobaba]

I've always wanted a nice simple gal and still do.

 

My approach to finding that has changed, but the end goal is the same.

[SmileFace]

Only thing that has changed is the type of relationship I want and the reasons for wanting a relationship. I guess I have actually learned what a healthy relationship may be and why i deserve one. I am still single but trucking along and have avoided casual relationships more recently, which is huge for me.

[persevere]

Good question.

Over the years, I've toned it down. Used to be, I'd rush. First date? Drinks, dinner, then see where t goes. That's too much. Most of the time now, I start slow. Coffee, to see if theres interest. If there is, then lunch. Dinner and drinks on a third dare. I am looking for quality, so its better that way.