TooNice91 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Hello. I'm new to this site but just wanted to ask something that I've been thinking about for SO long. Of course, I'll be more than glad to give advice for all of you as well! So, there was this guy, and we were together for a year. We were cute together, I did things for him and he did things for me too. But, he broke up with me, and then later said it was because he cheated and left me for that girl. We were together for a year, btw. I guess maybe I.. I didn't cause it, but I may have pushed him towards cheating because I never opened up about feelings, but instead I always just wanted to jump in his pants, and he was my first and only sexual partner, so its not like I did that with a billion people. I guess growing up, I thought that was what a gf was supposed to do.. Btw. Anyways, we broke up 1.5 years ago. I'm smart and I'm pretty and I've genuinely tried to move on, but I can't because regardless of all this BS, he's still what I want, all I want. It's not that I can't get other guys, but I don't want them. He texted me recently, we've been hanging out for the past 1 1/2 months, somehow we always end up in each other arms, but no kissing or anything, he knows that. But, when I ask him what he wants, he never gives me a straight answer because he says he can't predict the future. Me on the other hand, I'm a planner, and I can't be spontaneous. I'm not trying to get hurt again. Don't get me wrong, I don't NEED a guy, I don't NEED anyone, but I want him, you know for the small little cute things he does/used to do. But, I dont think he feels the same, and its unfair to string me along like so. But then I think about it, and he's really doing all of those things, I'd always be upset at him about when we did go out, like making TIME for me. So he is making effort. He's trying to become famous for dancing, and he is really good. He's had a few girlfriends, he broke up with them, said they didnt keep him happy at all. Regardless, he's a good guy, everyone hates him for cheating on me, but I think he just got caught up with this whole popularity thing. When I talk to one of my other friends about this thought, whose an aspiring rap artist, he always says its stupid for him to treat you like that because even after he cheated, you're still willing to take him back, that's love, and he's not going to find true love once he gets famous. I just wish he'd appreciate more, if not, then I guess I need to leave, I've spend too much of me in this. What do you think I should do? Should I confront him? What do I ask? & after asking him, what if he says "I don't know"? Regardless, what should I do? If I need to detail anything, please do let me know. Thanks for your time!
ChulaGuy Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 TooNice, It's time to move on. He has broken your trust in him and it will never be the same. You'll find someone else who is as equally "nice" as you are.
Kaplan Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I don't understand this: "I may have pushed him towards cheating because I never opened up about feelings, but instead I always just wanted to jump in his pants" No guy who will cheat on a girl would ever have any problem with a girl not opening up about feelings. It's not possible to "push someone towards cheating," but if it was it would be the girl who opened up about feelings and didn't jump in his pants who was pushing him in that direction. I also don't understand this: "he's a good guy" Relative to whom? There are a lot of guys who are good enough guys that they would never treat a woman that way.
thatone Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 you can't roll the clock backwards. your first love is over, it will never be as you remember it, because as you remember it probably doesn't even exist, it's just a fantasy in your own mind. so you have a pretty significant choice in front of you. making a habit of chasing exes who treated you badly will repeat indefinitely into your adult life if you start doing it and get comfortable with it now, in all likelihood. on the other hand exercising self control and rationally deciding that your future could in fact be better than your past if you attempt to learn from your mistakes is the other choice. choose wisely... 1
Author TooNice91 Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 ChulaGuy: Thanks, your short response I guess does kind of just say it all. Kaplan: I know it sounds SO stupid, but honestly, my ex and I are in reversed roles. He's kind of the female in the relationship. He opened up alot, and I was always there for him, but when I had something go wrong, I'd go smoke a cigarette (a habit which he hated, I quit of course). So I guess he was more of a cuddling type, but somehow you're right, and I know I'll never be enough for him. && he's a good guy, in terms of his intentions are good, he just gets caught up in popularity and looking like the man, that he forgets he's 21 and needs to act like it! ThatOne: I do believe that, but then I don't. Because I have so many friends, and even family members who have effed up relationships, like cheated, and then regretted so much, then worked HARD to get that girl back, and then it worked out. But he's clearly not working hard towards anything, and you too are right, I need to just move on. I can't base my decision on anyone else's decision. I suppose I never had a good relationship to know what it really is like, but I would like that to change. Also, do you believe in karma? I've had a few good guys come my way, who fell for me but I'm very into finding someone Hindu, so it didn't work out. Then, it kinda all got back to me! lol Thank you all for your responses. Any suggestions on how to address this to him now? Should I do it person, through a text or through a call? Or, (my personal favorite), ignore him and let it annoy the CRAP out of him.
thatone Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 assuming you live in the US i think restricting yourself to a religion that represents a small part of the population is too much. especially at this point in your life, as you say you've only had one relationship. not to say you shouldn't exclude people who participate in religions you wholly disagree with, that i do myself. but i'm fairly open minded about religious differences as long as women i meet aren't under the assumption that i'll participate in their religion, since i won't. there's nothing wrong with dating people of different backgrounds. that's what you're supposed to do in your 20s anyway. get out of where you grew up, meet people, learn about the world. then when you get into your late 20s and early 30s you should have your mind made up about what you want.
ChulaGuy Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 ChulaGuy: Thanks, your short response I guess does kind of just say it all. Thank you all for your responses. Any suggestions on how to address this to him now? Should I do it person, through a text or through a call? Or, (my personal favorite), ignore him and let it annoy the CRAP out of him. Don't do something to let it annoy the CRAP out of him. You're still letting him control you if you do something to cause him to feel some way. Just let it go and be done with him. As for being into someone who is Hindu, why limit yourself. Just go with the flow if you like them and don't try too hard.
amantis Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Op , please dont waste more time with him . Go No Contact with him , he is a dickhead .
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