So my Ex broke NC...

[ThatDudeXO]

Hi guys.

 

It's been 2 months NC since my ex told me she's no longer in love with me and wanted to focus on her masters course.

 

I have been healing but missing her everyday. I really want her back. I chose NC because contact always hurt me in the end.

 

Just this evening the texted me;

 

"I want to say something to you...but I don't know what. I haven't heard from you so I guess you won't want to read his. I hope you are okay x"

 

As expected my heart started going crazy reading this, I really want her back but she hasn't expressed the desire for reconciliation so I shouldn't bother replying? Or shall I talk back and maybe she could show that desire?

 

I haven't texted back yet...but I'd really like to know what she wants to say to me, I have a feeling this maybe "breadcrumbs". I honestly just feel like texting back saying "What's up?"

 

I'd really like to know what you guys think, it means the world to me.

Edited April 26, 2012 by ThatDudeXO

[TaraMaiden]

 

"I want to say something to you...but I don't know what. I haven't heard from you so I guess you won't want to read his. I hope you are okay x"

 

......I have a feeling this maybe "breadcrumbs"

 

.

 

you're right, unfortunately.

It is breadcrumbs.

Because if it wasn't - she'd know what to say.

 

I haven't heard from you so I guess you won't want to read his. I hope you are okay x"

 

If she guesses you won't want to read this - then why send it for you to read?

And after this - she hopes you're ok?!

 

Well... you were doing ok... until she asked...

 

Don't reply.

Delete.

 

Aaaaand - block.

Edited April 26, 2012 by TaraMaiden

[ThatDudeXO]

Thanks Tara.

 

I initially followed your advice and ignored it but my best friend just said if you really want her back just reply, so after a while of thinking I did.

 

I just said

 

"I'll be on honest, I'm doing great but I'm still madly in love with you which is why we can never be just friends. So please PLEASE don't ever contact me again if you don't want to work things out. Take care x"

 

Was that stupid? I'm back in NC. I'm not devastated just a little hurt again. I was just wondering if what I said was okay and not too psycho-ish. I'm not the type to ignore people so I kinda caved in after my friend convinced me.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, ok.

That was pretty much final.

You just have to hope that she gets the message, and follows through with your request.

 

If she doesn't - she's messing with your mind.

THEN - you don't respond.

 

You've made it quite clear this time.

Any future contact from her is just pure selfishness....

 

Be well, take care.

[ThatDudeXO]

Thank you Tara. You've made it clearer to me, she's being selfish.

 

She left me a voice mail afterwards saying during the NC phase; she missed me and always wanted to hear from me but she didn't hear from me and knew I needed space but last night she just wanted to know I was doing good. She said she has no time for me as a boyfriend because her masters course is so intense she has no time for me but still wants me to text her or call her every now and then as a friend but she understands from my texts if she won't hear from me because she knows how I feel.

 

She said she doesn't wanna be with me now at all but *maybe* after she graduates. She finished the message sounding shaky and emotional.

 

First time I've cried in 2 months! I just don't want to be in love with this person anymore.

[Reddice]

There is no shame in crying. Losing a loved one is always a hard thing to process. As long as you remember that she chose to walk away. Whatever she does or does not feel is her problem, not yours. She wants you to give her space, but doesn't give you the same space in return. You now need to focus on your own feelings. This means you need to chose to move on.

[ThatDudeXO]

There is no shame in crying. Losing a loved one is always a hard thing to process. As long as you remember that she chose to walk away. Whatever she does or does not feel is her problem, not yours. She wants you to give her space, but doesn't give you the same space in return. You now need to focus on your own feelings. This means you need to chose to move on.

 

Thanks.

 

I'm trying to move on but finding it so long to do so!

 

Almost 6 months post BU and 2 months NC and I still have strong feelings for her and want her back. I'm trying

[Reddice]

Moving on is mainly a conscious decision. You are not struggling with a disease. The whole process is taking place in your mind. And you can control your own mind to a certain extend. So this means you have to decide to get over your ex and take steps to do so. That's why it's so important to keep working on yourself and improving yourself. It's supposed to give you a new purpose and direction in life.

 

If I compare this to my own situation, I can say that I was going through hell just 3 months ago, unable to function properly and losing a lot of weight. However, the thought of spending a year or more in agony was so overwhelming that I decided to take a stand. I had no intention of taking too long to get over my ex. That's where I decided that everything I did, saw, read, heard and even thought, would serve a purpose: Getting over my ex a.s.a.p.!

 

I have done a great deal to improve myself and my mindset, and I can tell you... It has helped me out a lot! I still have some bad moments, but they're not as frequent nor as heavy as they used to be. I even met another girl online and we are planning to meet up in a week or two. So I'm no longer wishing for my ex to come back to me. She stepped out of my life... She can keep on walking.

[nature]

I did a Master's degree, got top marks, and had a relationship during it all. My brother did a Law Degree while married. Rocket Scientists and Brain Surgeon's have time for a wife or husband. Don't buy her excuses. She doesn't want to be with you right now because she doesn't want to be with yoiu. it is not because of schooling. That's BS. Sorry to say. If we love someone, we make time for them, no matter how busy. I don't buy that crap. The president of the united states has a wife and kids. I'd assume he's quite a busy chap himself.

[Exit]

I did a Master's degree, got top marks, and had a relationship during it all. My brother did a Law Degree while married. Rocket Scientists and Brain Surgeon's have time for a wife or husband. Don't buy her excuses. She doesn't want to be with you right now because she doesn't want to be with yoiu. it is not because of schooling. That's BS. Sorry to say. If we love someone, we make time for them, no matter how busy. I don't buy that crap. The president of the united states has a wife and kids. I'd assume he's quite a busy chap himself.

 

I was going to post a reply exactly along these lines. I don't care if I'd been hired to build a skyscraper out of toothpicks, I'd still find time to be with someone I love. A relationship isn't just something you pick up when it's convenient for you (well, unless the other person ALLOWS it, which OP seems in danger of doing). Maybe you'll be worth her time and attention after she graduates? But in the meantime, she'd love it if you could call and text her and feed her attention and make her feel special? Boy that sounds like a great deal! And the real kicker is, while it's not exactly the worst excuse in the world to want to focus on her education, you really think every second of her life, 24/7, she's focused on school? I'm sure she finds time for friends, social activities, and everything else. She'd have time for a relationship if she wanted to.

 

Look in the mirror and you'll have evidence of how people act when they are really in love. Look at how you feel about her -- you practically sound like you'd be willing to wait and hope she wants you after graduation, meanwhile missing her every day and wanting to be with the person you love. Putting up with the pain and everything else, just to be with her eventually. Now look at how she feels about you. "I'm busy with school, no thanks, but text me some time". She doesn't feel much for you.

 

I hope you will turn your attention to getting over her and meeting someone who will love you equally, and don't just sit around hoping she'll be back some day. Let her contact you after graduation and inform her "sorry, I found someone who likes me enough to make time for me! But you can still text me once in a while!".

[ThatDudeXO]

Thank you guys. I have been preparing myself for this contact and I panicked. I really did. She wanted to see me and hangout with me but only as a friend, which I thought was really pointless so I left it at that. She obviously doesn't love me (enough) and I needed to move on.

 

It is easier said than done but I am much happier than I was when we first brokeup and I'm not letting this BS hinder my healing. In a way the breaking of NC has given me more motivation to really get over her. She's being selfish wanting me in her life after breaking my heart and asking me to stay as a friend. I wish I wasn't so stuck in the past and in love with this girl because she doesn't deserve to have someone like me think about her this much.

 

Thank you ever so much for your advice guys. I really needed it.

[TaraMaiden]

 

She left me a voice mail afterwards saying during the NC phase; she missed me and always wanted to hear from me but she didn't hear from me and knew I needed space but last night she just wanted to know I was doing good. She said she has no time for me as a boyfriend because her masters course is so intense she has no time for me but still wants me to text her or call her every now and then as a friend but she understands from my texts if she won't hear from me because she knows how I feel.

 

She said she doesn't wanna be with me now at all but *maybe* after she graduates. She finished the message sounding shaky and emotional.

 

wait... she sent you the above - after you sent her this....?

 

"I'll be on honest, I'm doing great but I'm still madly in love with you which is why we can never be just friends. So please PLEASE don't ever contact me again if you don't want to work things out. Take care x"

[ThatDudeXO]

wait... she sent you the above - after you sent her this....?

 

She did indeed.

[TaraMaiden]

well then that sums it up doesn't it?

 

What part of "please please don't contact me again..." did she not understand?

 

Her need for validation and attention, over-rules and trumps your personal heartfelt request to be left alone.

the fact that it hurts you to be in touch with her, is evident to anybody - but her need to have the last word - and then have the cheek, the sheer effrontery - to tell you that -

 

....she understands from my texts if she won't hear from me because she knows how I feel.

 

is just a selfish and inconsiderate slap in the face.

It's honestly as good as her saying -

 

"I know from what you tell me that this is painful for you, and I know you don't want to hear from me again, and you want to stay no contact - but here, I feel like saying this, so you will listen, because obviously what I have to say, is far more important for me to say, than your request to NOT hear it...."

 

She said she doesn't wanna be with me now at all but *maybe* after she graduates.

Oh that's big of her.

So she's obviously assuming that you are going to stick around and wait that long, for her to (possibly) graduate...?

 

she's extremely delusional, and what's more, she's very immature.

The world doesn't revolve around her, though she patently seems to be of the opinion that it does - and should.....

[ThatDudeXO]

I f**king love your advice Tara. I really appreciate it and I also agree with it. I'm f**king done pining over this woman. It's done. It's over. If anything this has served as closure for me. She was ignoring me all the time and acting all arrogant being newly single before but now I'm strong and happy living without her she wants to be friends again.

 

I realised I'm actually a really happy person but it's only her holding me back from being truly happy.

 

I'm done.

Thank you everyone for your input. I really appreciate it all.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I f**king love your advice Tara. I really appreciate it and I also agree with it. I'm f**king done pining over this woman. It's done. It's over. If anything this has served as closure for me. She was ignoring me all the time and acting all arrogant being newly single before but now I'm strong and happy living without her she wants to be friends again.

 

I realised I'm actually a really happy person but it's only her holding me back from being truly happy.

 

I'm done.

Thank you everyone for your input. I really appreciate it all.

 

HUGS and High Fives to you!!!!:) Don't let anyone put a bushel over your light. You know what a happy person you are, keep on shining, friend:)

[TaraMaiden]

ThatDudeXO - if you're in the UK, we should meet up for a beer sometime....!

 

[ThatDudeXO]

ThatDudeXO - if you're in the UK, we should meet up for a beer sometime....!

 

 

I am indeed from the U.K, drinks on me? Haha!

 

HUGS and High Fives to you!!!!:) Don't let anyone put a bushel over your light. You know what a happy person you are, keep on shining, friend:)

 

Thank you B&B. I hope you're a happy bunny too

[tipsyleprachauns]

I don't know why but I had both of you pegged as being in America! I'm in Wales.

[TaraMaiden]

you struck me more as a boozed-up diminutive Irishman.....!

 

My stepson comes from Llandrindod Wells......

 

ThatDudeXO - PM me to see how geographically viable that beer would be....!

[ThatDudeXO]

Haha...I can understand why you'd think I'm from the states. I thought you were from America as well!