Replay Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Hi all I am new here and have read a few posts involving break ups by other users. I wish to give my story and any advice would be greatly appreciated Ok so I have been with my gf/ex-gf (dont know what she is right now) for about 2 and a half years. The first year was brilliant i loved her so much and would do anything to be with her. The second year got tough with a few family deaths making me think about my future with her. I ended up finishing it at the start of the second year. She was very upset and heartbroken. I was too as i still did have feelings for her. I questioned my decision and we ended up still texting and talking to try resolve the problems. During this time she had a few nights out with friends and i found out she was texting someone she met and kissed him. Being very angry and upset i told her that was the final push. She reacted very badly and said it was a mistake bla bla and she wanted to be with me. Over a longer period we still kept texting and talking and seeing each other, not as often, and i found myself giving her another chance. Ever since then my opinion of her has changed. She assures me she would never do anything again which is fair enough. Afew months later we were still together and that incident is almost forgotten in her eyes. However i still have serious doubts if this is the girl i want to be with the rest of my life. Before i met her i was really into the gym acheiving personal bests in weight lifting however once i met her that gym routine soon faded. I didnt mind before as i lived spending time with her but now i do not know if she right for me. I work alot since finishing uni ( we were together while i was at university) then i left and now we are colleagues. She works in another branch and i am essentially her boss. This has been like this for the past year. This has had affect on work as i do treat her different even although i shouldnt and always look out for her. Since working alot i often find myself tired and wanting to just go home and relax. We talk and text usually all day however we see each other maybe 2 or 3 times a week on average, sometimes just once. She is always moaning about not seeing me enough. I never get to do anything i want and any time i get to do something she thinks it should be with her. For example if i want to go gym she has sly remarks and comments about not seeing her and how it shows i dont care because i have a passion for the gym. She also consistently accuses me of speaking to and texting other girls. ( i work with a lot of girls) but i have never spoke to any other girl in that way. I guess i am not that kind of guy. She is also always looking for commitment. Talking about marriage and kids but i have made it clear i am not ready for that. This causes her to fall out with me but the next day often rrying to get things normal. She falls out with me constantly because she doesnt get what she wants like how i used to ve with her. I used to always keep her happy no matter what but that got too expensive and tiring especially with work. So recently this all got a bit much for me and i made it clear that she is slways too needy. For instance if i dont say love you she falls out with but she thinks its ok to hang up n not answer my calls if i say something she takes it the wrong way. I feel like i am 15 with her sometimes! I am 23 btw and she is 21. I told her i need a break as i do not know if this is what i want but she always still texts me saying how upset she is and cannot be without me etc. i feel sorry for her because she hasnt got much and her family are not the best but i am financially stable and treat her well. She is very clingy and although she says i am a **** bf cos lately i have been going gym and doing things i want to she still texts me saying she misses me and loves me. I end up crumbling each time and give in. But to be honest its bever the same anymore. I find it difficult to lewve her as i do care for her and want to make sure she is ok and it is very hard when she makes me feel bad for leaving her. She will not move on and i do miss her so i guess that is why i text her n talk to her. Obviously working together makes it even harder when we break as she makes it clear it affects her work but what can i really say as her boss? I know i do not want to be with her the rest of my life but she will not let me move on and i guess we just keep going round in circles. Anyway thats my stressful situation as i am truly confused as to what i should do and how its going to affect us working. She has said she will leave work if we split and i know it will be difficult for her to get another job so this makes me feel worse. Apoligies for the length and any errors - typed on my phone. Any advice and help appreciated a lot. Thanks!
flitzanu Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 sounds pretty clear that you're not happy dude. you feel the relationship as a strain on your life and that you've got no personal time to yourself. that kinda means you don't want a relationship right now, at least not with someone like her that's draining you.
Author Replay Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Yeah that is true however i have tried numerous times to end it but it never seems to end. We just go round in circles as i dont think she wants to lose me and i do not know what to do. How can i end this with the least amount of impact in the work place too? And she always makes me feel so low for ending it and leaving her. Im losing alot of sleep and under a lot of stress and frustration over this. She just never gives up on us.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Why were you even with her if you don't want to spend quality time with her? Seems you would rather be anywhere than with her. If you're not happy, stop leading her on. She seems to think that when you make up, maybe this time you will love her/commit to her.
rach24680 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Wow, seems like your only with her for the sake of an easy life, which isnt fair on either of u, u cant keep being unhappy just because it might make it difficult in work - and if shes so unhappy having a break and saying she cant live without u then shel be even more distraught if u keep stringing it on when u know u dont want to be with her cos ul end up breaking up eventually u may aswell do it sooner rather than later. As to her accusing u of these other girls, sounds like shes still guilty for kissing that guy when u was together and she might think that ul 'get revenge' or something. All in all sounds like ur both unhappy so thers not much point continuing it, you need to be professional in work with regards to this, its not fair to give her specisl treatment, you could get in trouble. Keep strong and do whats best for number 1, good luck!!
daisy088 Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 You should break up with her, clean-cut, and immediately begin NC after explaining why. If she contacts you, tell her that youre sorry and you cannot communicate with her because you dont want to give her false hope that a relationship will begin again. Tell her you hope she reaches out to (insert names of family or friends she is close with, if anyone) and that you wish her the best and are glad you had the relationship.
Author Replay Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Well i took your advice and finished it again She is really hurt and hates me right now for doing this again I am going to go by the NC rule so here is day 1! I do feel really bad and down but i suppose it is for the best right? Thanks people, a really supportive forum 1
rach24680 Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Its definately for the best, dont break nc, if u feel like u need to then rant on here instead 1
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