aliii Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 A couple of months after ending a relationship I found out my ex wasn´t honest for some time during our relationship. I texted him horrible things basically saying I have found out and how much I regreted our relationship. But I said horrible things, called him awful names and even wished him dead. =/ I was in love with him but things didn´t work out. And finding out this new information hurt me A LOT. I want to forget this and forgive myself for saying those words, of course I don´t want him to die and I do wish him well. It was just the hurt and pain I was feeling that led me to say all those things. <<This happened 3 weeks ago. p.s. I called him last week asking him if we could talk some other time, he said he would call me the following week. He didn´t. I just wanted to say I didn´t really mean that.
january2011 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 A letter of apology. The reason I suggest this rather than a call or a text/email is that a call means that you are interrupting him (even if it's pre-scheduled) and he might not be in the right frame of mind to accept your apology. A text/email is very impersonal. A sincere letter in your handwriting, where you can organise your thoughts and tell him how sorry you are, is the best method, in my opinion. Tell him that you know you hurt him. That you did it because you were very hurt by the news. Tell him that he will always have a place in your heart even though things didn't work out. Say that you don't expect a response and wish him well with the rest of his life. After you've written everything you want to say. Then think about whether or not you want to send it. You don't have to. You can just burn it, send him 'best of luck' vibes and just let it go. If you do send it, breaking NC, then you have to accept that he will not get in touch with you again. Do not harrass him for a response. Do not text/call/email. Delete and block all his contact details. Let him go and focus on yourself. 2
Philosoraptor Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Everything you need to know about whether or not to contact him is in your title. Your issue is not external, but internal forgiveness. Nothing he says can fix that. You need to understand that you acted out of hurt and that is not your character. Because you were in pain you said some things that you didn't mean. The thing is anyone who truly knows you already knows that you were hurt and it caused your reaction. If they truly cared about you at any point they hold no grudge and likely have forgiven you. The best way to forgive yourself is to accept that you made a mistake, understand why you made it, and promise yourself to not let anything like that happen again. This is all internal right now and there is no reason to make further contact with him. 4
Author aliii Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Thank you so much for your insight . I have written the letter and just by doing that I feel soooooo much better. Nothing romantic, nothing about missing him just straight to the point. After finishing it I felt I wanted him to read it, so I´m really considering to send it to him, to be honest I´m pretty sure that is what I´m going to end up doing. Thanks again. I feel the relievedness (if that´s even a word) coming to me now. =) 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 The word is 'relief'. If you're going to write a letter, do not indent the paragraphs, remember to use capitals correctly, and punctuate as necessary; don't over-do the commas. Use blue ink, and unlined paper, but used a lined guide to keep the writing straight. Do not use text-speak, and ensure all spelling is correct. sign it simply with your name. do not prefix that with 'Affectionately yours'.... This whole post is a joke - but hopefully you'll feel better still. You know - we all crapp up in a while and say hurtful things - it's a defence mechanism... we do it to vindicate our anger and sadness.... But that's ok... My stepson advised me he hated me the other day. And apologised the day after. He didn't mean it. I know it, he knows it. But sometimes we have to let it out, somehow.... Affectionately yours, TaraMaiden.
Author aliii Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 The word is 'relief'. If you're going to write a letter, do not indent the paragraphs, remember to use capitals correctly, and punctuate as necessary; don't over-do the commas. Use blue ink, and unlined paper, but used a lined guide to keep the writing straight. Do not use text-speak, and ensure all spelling is correct. sign it simply with your name. do not prefix that with 'Affectionately yours'.... This whole post is a joke - but hopefully you'll feel better still. You know - we all crapp up in a while and say hurtful things - it's a defence mechanism... we do it to vindicate our anger and sadness.... But that's ok... My stepson advised me he hated me the other day. And apologised the day after. He didn't mean it. I know it, he knows it. But sometimes we have to let it out, somehow.... Affectionately yours, TaraMaiden. THANKS! English is no my fisrt language so I´m pretty sure I did a lot better on that letter using my mother tongue. Sorry if my post is a joke I´m not sure I quite get that but ok. I used black ink =/ I did good an all the other tips. Thanks again aliii
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 THANKS! English is no my fisrt language so I´m pretty sure I did a lot better on that letter using my mother tongue. Sorry if my post is a joke I´m not sure I quite get that but ok. I used black ink =/ I did good an all the other tips. Thanks again aliii No, MY ost was the joke, not yours, at all.....I was teasing you to lighten your mood.... and telling you that what you did was absolutely natural and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. Your English is perfectly fine.
marilla Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Apologize for the mean things that you said-send him a text message or write a letter. Sometimes sending something written is better because you have control over what you want to say whereas if you come face to face you may both say things again that you may regret. So maybe it is not a bad thing he is not meeting you but a blessing in disguise. Write him an apology. After that forgive yourself. We all say things when we are hurting and angry that we don't mean like for example wishing him dead. And since you have taken the brave step to apologize be easy on yourself. It takes guts to say you are sorry, not many people can do that!
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