Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Lol, she needs me. trust me, when i told her to leave me alone she kept coming back, she knows that there is no one out there like me, that im one of a kind to her
LZ2000 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 "Because of fights"....? Listen to yourself!! She sees herself as your friend, nothing else!! It's YOU who can't let go of HER! she doesn't really care one way or the other! If you want to be a friend - fine! If you don't want to be a friend - fine! you're clinging to a hope that is slim at best and false at worst! this is all going to end in tears. Tara, I think in the end, it all lies up to Savaris to decide what he should do. I think it is fair for him to come online here to ask for advice to see different perspectives on his situation and to receive some emotional support. Nevertheless, I think what is truly important is Savaris's preparation through this thread, to handle the best and worst case scenarios. And we have done all we can already. 1
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 taramaiden you might be right, we'll see, once we meet up like I said before, ill go on a few dates with her, then ill try to kiss her, if she backs down we'll know
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 LZ2000, you're damn right there. i just don't want him to be shot down in flames from too great a height. Savaris, i don't know why you'd wait that long, and prolong the agony.
Emilia Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 taramaiden you might be right, we'll see, once we meet up like I said before, ill go on a few dates with her, then ill try to kiss her, if she backs down we'll know No, you should only have dates with her if she is definitely interested in getting back together again. You have to ask her first whether it's on the cards and have dates with her based on that.
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 oh... is this another lady's opinion coming in? I think it is... you see, Savaris, from a woman's pov, you're doing this all wrong.
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Also if you think that what I am doing is wrong, what do you suggest to do in order to get her back? NC without saying anything? Because the reason someone wants to stay friends is because that person simply says ''im not into you'' right? But I know for a fact that shes into me, thats what confuses me. So the way i behaved made her think that way, i realize that now. If brad pitt was a wuss for example, no girl would want to stay with him trust me. But like you say, in her head she automatically and probably put me in th friendzone because of my former behavior, (and trust me that was really pathetic) now that i behave differently shes intrigued, if I continue this perhaps she might reconsider, but no one can tell that.. something like that needs time on the other hand, NC might let her realize those things, and miss me making her mindset change about me..
Emilia Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I think you shouldn't be afraid of asking her to have a date with you with the view that you discuss getting back together.
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 So she did suggest to go to the attraction park, if she asks something like that again ill call it a date, and even tell her, like ok so were going on a date, if she backs off ill have my answer, thanks for the heads up emilia 1
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 yeah but i dont think she wants something like that now, shes not over her ex, she doesnt want obligations or have to meet any expectations.. thats what she told me 1.5 month ago so rushing into something like that will definitely not work out in my favor I think
Emilia Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 yeah but i dont think she wants something like that now, shes not over her ex, she doesnt want obligations or have to meet any expectations.. thats what she told me 1.5 month ago so rushing into something like that will definitely not work out in my favor I think Then nothing will work out in your favour. You should only accept what works for YOU. Otherwise you will be unhappy. If she isn't over her ex still, you have to find someone else. Half-baked solutions will only prolong your unhappiness. You have to ask for what you need and want, not compromise.
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) im just not sure anymore on what to do in order for her to possibly want to make this work again, i cant look into her head perhaps shes getting interested but perhaps its just as taramaiden said, and im reading her attitude wrong i think ill just take my chances and give this one last shot, ill keep things the way they are, show her one last time that im indeed a lover in her eyes and when she suggests to meet up ill make sure to call it a date, and be a confident cool guy in her eyes, after doing that like 2-3 times ill go for it, if she backs down ill immediately make sure to tell her that we should go different ways then, because if she backs down at that moment she'll never ever want more than just being friends and it'll kill all sexual tension between her and me.. my best call would be to let her go at that point if it comes that far, and if she talks during the period of NC when she misses me, make sure what her intentions are. Ok so i guess ill do that Ill try not to get my hopes up.. im living my life, i do want her back yes, but we'll see, her and me came so far already, against all expectations we still remained into each others lifes for some reason and in rare occasions people eventually do come back together ,things like this happen, perhaps im right, perhaps im wrong I dont know, all I do know is that i love her and I'd catch a bullet for her if I have to Edited April 26, 2012 by Savaris
Emilia Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Ill try not to get my hopes up.. im living my life, i do want her back yes, but we'll see, her and me came so far already, against all expectations we still remained into each others lifes for some reason and in rare occasions people eventually do come back together ,things like this happen, perhaps im right, perhaps im wrong I dont know, It's easy to get caught up in an on-off pattern. I speak from experience. I do think 100% that you should talk to her when you see her next. No BS, no postponing hoping you can build something. I think it should be 'now or never'. You have known eachother for long enough.
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Yeah your right, what should I do if she cant directly give me an answer?
Emilia Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Yeah your right, what should I do if she cant directly give me an answer? It's the same as 'no'. Cut her off and move on. You will seriously get screwed up over this otherwise I can tell you that much.
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Sorry - and big respect to Emilia, sincerely, but - Savaris - what has Emilia advised about asking her outright, that i didn't...?
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 I never said no to what you adviced tara, but still if she doesnt know it'l be cuz of her ex, i know that much.. If he was out of the question id still be with her right now, anyways, lets say she does want to stay friends now, nothing more what should i do about her then? Cuz she cant live without me, just be straight with her the very first time i see her or should i first let her see what she missed and then at the 2nd or 3th time let her know its either all of me or nothing and that we should go separate ways just be direct because she might reconsider if we meet up.. Or atleast think about it, i mean im not the same guy she last saw, can tell u that much hahah what a little motivation can do to someone sheesh:p
Emilia Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I never said no to what you adviced tara, but still if she doesnt know it'l be cuz of her ex, i know that much.. If he was out of the question id still be with her right now, anyways, lets say she does want to stay friends now, nothing more what should i do about her then? Cuz she cant live without me, just be straight with her the very first time i see her or should i first let her see what she missed and then at the 2nd or 3th time let her know its either all of me or nothing and that we should go separate ways just be direct because she might reconsider if we meet up.. Or atleast think about it, i mean im not the same guy she last saw, can tell u that much hahah what a little motivation can do to someone sheesh:p You know as much as I do that you have to deal with this Savaris head on. You have to take the risk that she will turn you down yes. If she is still hung up about her ex, there is no guarantee that she will feel differently. It's now or never. It's no good to say 'oh if she was over him now' etc etc. Who knows what path she would choose then? If if if if never gets you anywhere. You have to sort this out once and for all. 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 .... lets say she does want to stay friends now, nothing more what should i do about her then? Say no, and go no contact. immendiately. Cuz she cant live without me, Of course she can. she did before she met you, she can now. just be straight with her the very first time i see her or should i first let her see what she missed and then at the 2nd or 3th time let her know its either all of me or nothing and that we should go separate ways just be direct because she might reconsider if we meet up.. Or atleast think about it, i mean im not the same guy she last saw, can tell u that much hahah what a little motivation can do to someone sheesh:p sorry hun... this is all just blah-blah-blah that prevaricates, tosses back and forth and means absolutely nothing. Just ask her now: 'Would you be willing, here and now, to commit to trying again, yes or no?'. only "yes" will do. Hesitation, prevarication or stunned shock - means "no".
SJC2008 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Confident/cool, push/pull,sexual tension. Sounds like you googled how to get your girlfriend back and read a bunch of GARBAGE. You shouldn't have to work to make someone like you. Yes flirting is good and confidence is good, as long as you're confident in who you are. Be yourself and wear it on your sleeve and that's the bottom line. Don't ever feel like it's your job to keep a woman interested, you'll be at a disadvantage from the starting blocks.
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Yeah but somewhere in my mind I believe that she'll go for me someday.. weird huh the day i met her I had that gut feeling, I met her by accident :/ 2 years later we are here... she just initiated contact again, after reading all this it kinda hurts me now to even want to talk to her I remember that the first time when it went wrong she also kept initiating contact, showing interest and I was just having fun with her until she asked to meet me, after that I just kissed her and things were great.. but that happened after a period of 2 months no talking. You guys are telling me to straightforward with her, but i always learned that being straightforward is bad, especially giving a a girl a ultimatum, making her choose between now and never (I tried this once she said even if you give me that option I dont know what to choose..)especially since ive been chasing her, if I say something now again i dont know.. i want her to ask me lol i want her to do those things the only way I can achieve that is just living my life and not always being available for her..
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) It hurts me to ignore her, the idea itself hurts me lol but chances are that if I keep talking fun with her she'll just get everything from me when i keep feeling bad why would she want a relationship if its ok like this anyways.. a part of me wants to be there for her, but the other part coudnt bear seeing her with some other dude.. thats why I want to be with her so i can be for her and her only man dont want to lose her, but dont want her to see me as a friend:/ and shes probably like dont want to lose him, but dont want a relationship and I still dont know why she woudnt want, ''it feels that way'' lol she doesnt understand her own feelings she said, i was like just be honest and she really was, she likes me a lot but this feeling of hers.. i think its cuz of her ex, i mean how can you fall in love with someone when your already in love right.. btw i got a headache today, im really confused now;p Edited April 26, 2012 by Savaris
veggirl Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 So why did you guys break up in the first place? You were only together 4 months and you keep mentioning fights. There shouldn't be big fights in the first 4 months, not if the relationship is a good fit. Plus, she isn't over her ex? Hello? Red flag much? She is using you to get over him. Even if your games work to get her back (not sure why you'd want a girl who is hung up on her ex though...), what about long term? You prepared to play these dumb games for the duration of your relationship to KEEP her interested? Cmon. Think!!
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 the summary of this thread is this: she's throwing you breadcrumbs by initiating contact after a period of silence. she's yanking your chain to make sure you're still back-burner-soft-place-to-fall-sucker guy. you see this as her needing you in her life, wanting you around and keeping in touch with you because she can't live without you. We can see that in fact you think you need her in your life, you want her around, you want to keep in touch because you think you can't live without her. you think you're slowly wooing her and winning her round. We can see you're slowly heading for another rejection, heartbreak and big fall. You believe you should play it slow, not push her and hope she comes round to wanting you over him - or indeed, over anyone else. We believe you should get her to step up to the plate, make a decision - now or never - and the only reason you're actually really not doing this - is because you're scared - whether you play it slow or not - that she will tell you it's no deal, no go, and no chance buddy. Everything we've advised you've argued against, and questioned. not because you think you're right - but because you want us to be wrong. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.....
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