Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Hey guys, My ex girlfriend and i are talking again and i was wondering how i can increase her interest level more. Ive been flirting with her,teasing her using sexual inneduos, sexual flirting etc. Ive never done this before even though she was my girlfriend, i thought that with being supernice and supersweet i could get her to fall in love with me. Boy was i wrong. Anyhow, im making her laugh a lot and she seems to be comfortable talking about sex(even though its like the first time, and she even told me i make her shy by talking about that) but i can see that she likes it. I havent seen her in like 3 months, but im being myself now, which is good. She even asked me to do something with her and told me my new pic on internet is really sexy. Ive been trying to do the push/pull, so yesterday ive been making her laugh all day, making her feel that sexual attraction. Should I act aloof today? Or "be busy" would that do more harm than good? Or should i keep being like this cuz she really seems to enjoy it. I know you have to make 2 steps and take 1 step back but what does that mean exactly, tease,flirt a lot 2 days and act aloof the 3th day? Rinse and repeat? Thanks!
SJC2008 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Talking about push/pull tells me you're either young or immature. It's good that yall are talking and flirting. This is what I think you should do: Have a serious talk with her and talk about why you BOTH think the relationship failed. Don't turn it into a "You never" or "You always" argument or a blame game, but get to the root of the failure. Ask her what her expectations/needs are and tell her yours. Communication is the foundation of any relationship so if you are not comfortable talking to her on that level now is a time to start!
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 yeah, im 22 shes 19. But that won't do trust me.. this is the only way but to answer my question,is that the way to do it?
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 If you're playing games like this now, you are setting up your reputation as a tease and a player. she's only 19, and you are not - believe me in this - you are NOT her be-all and end-all. This is fun. she finds it fun. she finds it flattering. she thinks you are over her - and moving on. she's treating this like friendly banter between exes who have reached another level. honey - you are friend-zoned. you need to either ask her outright for a second go - or let it be - because if she finds out you're doing all this to get her back - she will run a mile.
USMCHokie Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Go meet a new girl. Then you won't give a sh*t what her interest level is.
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Taramaiden, I fought 4 months for her did everything wrong but she came back to me, we talked alot when she thoughts we were friends I made sure that we coudnt stay friends, but she told me that she coudnt live without me, so after leaving eachother alone we started to talk again, so i think she knows I want more.. im just being unpredictable this time, letting her chase me I was not myself, now I am being myself and she is seeing that, shes getting intrigued and is perhaps a bit shocked as well, yesterday we talked the whole day long, i kept teasing her flirting with her and she really liked it, she even told me to call her so we talked on the phone, she told me that the picture i send her was really sexy, and she also hinted to go to some place with her. I didnt give in but I said yeah we'll see. You see whats going on, im being unpredictable, mysterious and finally showing her another part of my personality. Shes suprised, intrigued because she didnt expect it. The thing that made her leave me in the first place was not because of the looks, because she is attracted to me, but the way I behaved. I behaved more as a friend to her than a lover, I sincerely believe that. I mean how can someone fall in love with a person who only does things for you, is always there for you, always makes you feel good, tells her every single day that shes perfect, buys roses every time u see her, things are too perfect, theres is not a challenge even though there is chemistry between her and me, i only made her feel one emotion and behaved more like a true friend than a lover. I know there are more girls out there but, ive seen them, dated them, but i still want to get this one. So yeah, who says she cant fall in love with me?
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Kerrrist! You're playing mind-games with her - and she's throwing you breadcrumbs, because IT'S FUN!!! She has absolutely no intention of picking this up again! I would suggest that you ask her outright whether she thinks it would be cool to hook up again, and pick up where you guys ended... why not try again as you're getting on so well....? See what she says to a direct, honest and candid approach. I guarantee she will prevaricate, back-pedal and make every excuse in the book. She's flattered, she thinks this is enjoyable - but I would be prepared to bet that she isn't in any way shape or form open to going out with you, again. ever. you are wasting your time on a hope, instead of focussing on another future certainty.
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) Why woudnt she go out with me ever again? People also said that before but like 3 months later she came back to me and we were together for 4 months. Based on what, do you think she'll never go out with me again IF she is attracted to me? What do you want me to do? I love her, she did want to stay friends because she was really confused with her ex, and me. But I sincerely believe it was because I treated her more as a friend than a lover, this time im being the lover so why woudnt she fall for that? It might not happen immediately but it could happen, there is not much I can do anymore besides this, she needs to sort out her feelings and if I push her it'll only make it worse cuz thats what ive been doing. I tried to walk out, I told her not to contact but she cant live without me, thats what she said. ''I dont want to start something with you now when Im not over him, care too much for you" The only thing I can possibly do now is just be myself, be the guy she first fell for and more. If she wants more, i'll hear it from her if not fine,if she goes to someone else or her ex ill go with NC and ignore to move on because if I say something now it'll kill the tension, its never smart to tell a girl how you feel, let her be the one to say those things btw i havent seen her for 3 months Edited April 26, 2012 by Savaris
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Why woudnt she go out with me ever again? People also said that before but like 3 months later she came back to me and we were together for 4 months. Based on what, do you think she'll never go out with me again IF she is attracted to me? because you tried - and failed - twice. what makes you think she'd be willing to take a backward step and try a third time? What do you want me to do? I'v already told you - twice. I love her, she did want to stay friends because she was really confused with her ex, and me. But I sincerely believe it was because I treated her more as a friend than a lover, which is precisely what she is seeing you as, now. A 'friend'. this time im being the lover In your head!! ...so why woudnt she fall for that? It might not happen immediately but it could happen, there is not much I can do anymore besides this, she needs to sort out her feelings and if I push her it'll only make it worse cuz thats what ive been doing. You can go as slow as you like, push as little as you like, take all the time you like. it won't make any difference... she won't fall for that - because she's passed the point of wanting to ever go out with you again. She sees this as you being a really good friend, now. I tried to walk out, I told her not to contact but she cant live without me, thats what she said. ''I dont want to start something with you now when Im not over him, care too much for you" "I care too much for you"... doesn't mean, "I still love you". It means she wants you around as a fall-back guy, and a third string to the bow. you float her ego, but not enough to be with her.... The only thing I can possibly do now is just be myself, be the guy she first fell for and more. If she wants more, i'll hear it from her if not fine,if she goes to someone else or her ex ill go with NC and ignore to move on because if I say something now it'll kill the tension, its never smart to tell a girl how you feel, let her be the one to say those things Man, you got a l-o-o-o-o-n-g wait. and I don't want to be around to watch the fall-out, when another guy comes along and she shares her meeting with him, with you... her best buddy, her friend that makes her laugh.... Read the NC guide. The only thing you should listen for, from her, is the 180. If she hasn't said that yet - trust me - she never will. why are you putting yourself through all of this?
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Your missing the whole point of attraction though, all this time ive been the one chasing her, what will happen if the tables are getting turned, like now? Who says that she cant see me romantically anymore? You ofcourse dont know the whole story so i can understand where your coming from. And yes, she did say I miss you.
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) Your asking me why im going through all this, well the answer is simple ; I love her, And never say never. Even when things might seem hopeless, ill try. She never told me that she did not like me, or that she did not find me attractive, we started off as lovers not friends thats reason enough for me to fight for her Also why do you think a lot of people get friendzoned, its because they hold back, ive been holding back A LOT, i never flirt with her and all that, i was predictable, i thought that i could buy her love by buying sweet things for her, when i should have behaved more like a man. I havent seen her in 3 months, who knows what might happen if I see her again, we might feel that spark again.. im definitely not being available and doing all those things her ''best buddy'' would do. Like i said before, im behaving more as a lover this time, NOT a friend. Edited April 26, 2012 by Savaris
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Your asking me why im going through all this, well the answer is simple ; I love her, Good. and bad. Because she doesn't love you. Not in the same way. And she never will. Loves you, but not IN love with you...... And never say never. Even when things might seem hopeless, ill try. She never told me that she did not like me, or that she did not find me attractive, we started off as lovers not friends thats reason enough for me to fight for her But you've ended up as friends, not lovers. It's rare for second chances (or even third, in your case....) to actually ever work. Women find it hard to re-cultivate love. She's the one who should be doing the chasing, if she ever wants this to happen again - and it's abundantly clear, she's not. you're not fighting for her. There's no competition, so you have all her attention. when competition comes along, her focus will shift. Please - just ask her for another chance, and end this uncertainty now. because trust me - you are wasting your time.
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) ya shes chasing me, shes the one initiating all conversations lol and yeah theres competition, her ex. Hes still in the picture, I made her clear that if she still talks to him she'll lose me i was a bit hard on her but she said yes your clear, we didnt talk for 1 day but then she came doing sweet when I acted angry. Also I made her clear that I coudnt be friends :/ btw you keep saying never, but a hunderd year ago they said yeah something like the internet will never exist, what happened? lol People change all the time, im not saying that its going to work but it definitely can also why would she suggest meeting up, as in going to an attraction park, with just her and me? If were just ''friends'' why would she get shy if we talk about sex, any other girl i know, if I talk to her about sex, she either gets angry with me, or if shes not interest ignores but if its a good friend she'll talk about it, but she wont def get shy like she showed me lol which means the idea isnt bad at all, as in she could see me as a potential partner or is starting to btw i never talked about sex with her when I had a relationship with her, or did it with her, i wanted to but i held back Edited April 26, 2012 by Savaris
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 So yeah, ill keep this up until i meet with her a couple of times, ill even try to have sex with her, we'll see where it heads, if she still acts confused after a while ill tell her to make up her mind, and that if she only wants to stay friends that its best if we go our own way then.. and then ignore her if she decides to say hi a week later. Then its either all of me or nothing. You know how many people got their ex back when she claimed to only want to stay friends? a lot, perhaps some did not work yes, but there are cases where it did work out.
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 ya shes chasing me, shes the one initiating all conversations lol and yeah theres competition, her ex. Hes still in the picture, I made her clear that if she still talks to him she'll lose me i was a bit hard on her but she said yes your clear, we didnt talk for 1 day but then she came doing sweet when I acted angry. Also I made her clear that I coudnt be friends :/ then she has you precisely where she wants you. you flatter her, and she is the focus of your attention. you have no idea what an ego-boost that is for a girl.... do you know, absolutely 100% that she's not talking to her ex? whose word do you have for it? btw you keep saying never, but a hunderd year ago they said yeah something like the internet will never exist, what happened? lol oh please.... the internet didn't exist, then it did. the internet doesn't keep not exiting, then existing again, then not existing......it's a fixture. you - aren't. People change all the time, im not saying that its going to work but it definitely can if it was going to work - it would have worked by now. She would have made it clear. also why would she suggest meeting up, as in going to an attraction park, with just her and me? If were just ''friends'' why would she get shy if we talk about sex, any other girl i know, if I talk to her about sex, she either gets angry with me, or if shes not interest ignores but if its a good friend she'll talk about it, but she wont def get shy like she showed me lol which means the idea isnt bad at all, as in she could see me as a potential partner or is starting to btw i never talked about sex with her when I had a relationship with her, or did it with her, i wanted to but i held back I tried to make sense of this, but frankly, you're not too clear here.... women feel far safer shy talking to a guy about sex - if they have no intention of having sex with him. she's talking to you as a 'buddy' not as a potential screw.... she gets angry with you because it's disrespectful to talk about sex to one lady, in front of another. you're clearly not getting this, so I'll just sign off now and wait for the "I chased her and chased her but she blew me off, now I'm definitely going NC!" thread.... BTW: I'm telling you all this from the PoV of a woman who's had this done to her. so I can see where this is going, by miles......
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) Your really negative But appreciate your advice! Thanks! But I really believe that not every girl is the same and not every situation will result in the same thing.. The girl obviously cares for me, she cant do without me, what the hell am i supposed to do, write her off? give her an ultimatum? That its either all of me or nothing of me? Or try to be mysterious in her eyes, unpredictable, fun and turn her on, and be myself with her instead of holding back like I have all this time. By the way; If thats true then my female friends whom i have no interest in and they not in me are not my buddies? because thats what I hear from them.. My ex told me im making her shy by talking about it, if she would truly be a friend why the hell would she be shy, why arent my other female friends getting shy Edited April 26, 2012 by Savaris
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I already advised you what to do. Ask her to try again. things won't get any better than this. so there's no better time. ask her to be your GF again, now.
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 yeah they will, once I meet up with her.. like I said, i havent seen her in 3 months because of fights etc. But we cant let go of eachother. I need to see her first, and also ill be the confident cool guy she met in the beginning, ill even try to kiss her after a few dates if she backs off we'll have our answer if not then ill talk to it about it if she cant make up her mind, ill use NC
LZ2000 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Savaris, be strong and make sure that you are prepared to handle a possible rejection. Be at your best all the time !
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Do you really think its better to ask her through chat, if she wants to try again after a huge fight when things are going really good again, or when I meet up with her, attract her, have fun with her, make her FEEL things and THEN ask her? I think the 2nd one
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 "Because of fights"....? Listen to yourself!! She sees herself as your friend, nothing else!! It's YOU who can't let go of HER! she doesn't really care one way or the other! If you want to be a friend - fine! If you don't want to be a friend - fine! you're clinging to a hope that is slim at best and false at worst! this is all going to end in tears.
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 LZ2000, yes I know im prepared, ill shrug it off like its nothing np, her loss not mine she needs me more than I need her at this point
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 LZ2000, yes I know im prepared, ill shrug it off like its nothing np, her loss not mine she needs me more than I need her at this point she doesn't need you - she's using you to feed her ego! She thinks you are completely over the break-up, so she's treating you like the friend she thinks you seem to want to be - ! The moment she finds out you're actually playing a game to aske her out again - sayonara!!
Author Savaris Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Thats where your wrong, she does care. She has shown me that she cares, why do you make it sound that its impossible? people break up and make up all the time.. even if she thinks that she only wants to stay friends, why woudnt it be possible to have something better in the future?
TaraMaiden Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 well, there's only one way to prove this one way or the other, isn't there? i didn't say she doesn't care - I'm saying your ploy to get her to come back to you won't work - because you're misreading her attitude.
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