lovers Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Here I am sitting in on a rainy day and gloomy, its been such a long time since I talked to my ex. What she did was pretty much left me for someone else, but after 8 months I still find myself bitter about it. I never got the chance to tell her how messed up she was to me. I just don't see how someone can be so cruel and selfish, I feel like I lost a large group of friends from it to. Some of my friends who are associated with her, don't act the same as they used to around me. Alot of my party connections was through her and I feel like I can't go to certain parties or I will see her and her new boyfriend. The last time I went to a party this was earlier in a break up, I wanted her back, which she refused and ran back into the party sad. Good thing I left right after cause her friend who is now her boyfriend was furious, could have been a fist fight. I hope karma comes around......
coltsfan1 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I went through a similar situation when my EX and I broke up. It will take time for you to move onto new friends first then potentially a new gal. It won't be easy but take what little comfort you can in know who are and are not your friends. I walked away from all my EX and I's mutual friends. But it did allow me to make time for some new friends, and now I have a healthy, relationship with all of them. Most of the friends I walked away from wanted to stay friends with us both, but I wasn't going to allow that. The best advice I can give you is to put some distance on any mutual friends who treat you differently. Do not be rude just stop having/making time for them and try to meet some new people and make new friends. Then give time the chance to help you heal.
Tiera D Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 i got a new girl lately and guess what?i told my ex about it and she gets so pissed and starts,threatening me,cursing me,blaming me,saying karma will bite me back..know whats weird?she dumped me and i waited 8 months.. Best karma that will hit her back is u get a new girl and be happy.Cheer up TD
Philosoraptor Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 You're throwing a pity party here rather than taking control of yourself. Did she do a messed up thing? Yes, very much so. But continuing to hold onto anger based on someone another's actions is just allowing them to continue to have control over you. You don't need to say anything to her, it won't make you feel better for long and you will continue in this pit because it won't make a difference. If you want things to get better than take charge and take care of yourself. Instead of worrying about her or what she did to your life, make a new one and embrace it. Friends can be made anywhere, happiness is all around you if you embrace it, and closure is within just waiting for you to open the door. The only thing in life that you have control over is yourself. So take control and make your life what you want it to be. 3
DuchessKaye Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Here I am sitting in on a rainy day and gloomy, its been such a long time since I talked to my ex. What she did was pretty much left me for someone else, but after 8 months I still find myself bitter about it. I never got the chance to tell her how messed up she was to me. I just don't see how someone can be so cruel and selfish, I feel like I lost a large group of friends from it to. Some of my friends who are associated with her, don't act the same as they used to around me. Alot of my party connections was through her and I feel like I can't go to certain parties or I will see her and her new boyfriend. The last time I went to a party this was earlier in a break up, I wanted her back, which she refused and ran back into the party sad. Good thing I left right after cause her friend who is now her boyfriend was furious, could have been a fist fight. I hope karma comes around...... Nobody gets a sweet break up... 1
Author lovers Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 yeah i have been trying to change my life around and it indeed has gotten better in all aspects of my life. but it is really hard not to be bitter about what sje did. i have resentment towards her, i am bitter towards her, and a part of me just really wana tell her how i feel. but i have been going silent for awhile towards her and what pushes me through it is knowing how ****ed up a person she was.
LZ2000 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Silence DOES speak volumes. In this case, it would speak of absolute disgust and rejection of what she did. Keep it that way, you'll find another woman who will love you for who you are. 4
Author lovers Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 i have a massive urge to text her, to get some sort of reaction from her
Philosoraptor Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 i have a massive urge to text her, to get some sort of reaction from her And what will this solve? What if you get no reaction? What if she is kind and just asks you to leave her alone? What if she decides to strike back and tell you about all the sexcapades her and her new man are on? The high from anger is temporary but the shame will never leave. All speaking to her will do is either load you with questions regarding her as you dissect her every word, or leave you questioning yourself and why you would make contact and do that to yourself.
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 i have a massive urge to text her, to get some sort of reaction from her There is a thread here called "Post here instead of contacting your ex!" http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex Do something good for yourself and put it there instead of texting or emailing her.
fificremefarben Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Eek, your story could actually be mine. Bf left me 8 months ago for someone else after 4 years. Some of our mutual friends are acting distant with me since the breakup and since they have befriended the woman he left me for. I've been unable to go to some events as well for fear of seeing him/her/both. I'm still pretty bitter about it too. Chin up though, I really don't believe that we'll feel this way forever.
staringspace Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I'm incredibly bitter and angry at the moment; my ex practically left me for another girl after 3 years, and although it's only been about 3 weeks since I found out they were officially in a relationship (and my feelings are hopefully justified) I understand how it can feel. I agree with everyone that's said you need to take a step back from the mutual friends - mutual friends almost allow you to be reminded of the situation with you and your ex, and whilst I have kept in contact with a couple of the mates I don't expect to meet up with them until at least summer holidays, a good couple of months from now. Live your own life for a while without the attachment to the people that are in your ex's life too - whilst it's horrible to leave friends behind, it may give you the fresh start you need, and a hand at stopping the bitterness. You will get out of this eventually, most people do. The sooner you can put the bitterness behind you and work on yourself, the sooner you can move on and find a girl who will treat you right and make you happy.
Author lovers Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 if my ex calls or texts me again, should i respond to it?
Chi townD Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 (edited) Why? You know damn well it would only be to ease her guilt. To find out where your head is and seeing if you truely hate her. And in the frame of mind that you are in right now. You would probably go off on her and the ONLY thing you would have accomplished is reaffirming to her that breaking up with you was the RIGHT thing to do because you're a complete ass. Is that what you want to do? Ease he guilt and let her get away with how she treated you by letting her convince herself it's okay to treat people like that? I would say leave her in the dark. Your silence will speak volumes. Edited April 27, 2012 by Chi townD 1
lalalandman Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 You need to be very careful when it comes to Bitterness. It's an emotional trap and you will be caged up in it if not careful. Whatever expectations you had or however you were hurt , eventually you will need to let this go. The best way to go about that is by learning to accept the situation for what is is, and learning to love and respect yourself. Don't worry. You will be loved again, but you need to allow it by first letting go.
Author lovers Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Yeah you are right, if we talked and she blamed me I would ****ing yell at her and cuss her out. After the break up she always tried to justify the messed up things she did and never apologized to me. When she had sex with that guy and I asked her about it she was like "we are broken up, I see sex as a way to get over someone." Yeah we are broken up I would accept that but don't keep on ****ing calling me and texting me giving me false hopes after the break up. I mean what the ****? Are you that selfish of a bitch. Plus I never really yelled at her or cussed her out, so I have this pent up anger and unsaid words.
lalalandman Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Anger is simply a side effect of Bitterness. Once you truly accept the breakup, the details won't matter. And you will have nothing to be angry about anymore. If she contacts you, it is best to curb your anger and not unleash on her. Take control of yourself.
DuchessKaye Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 once you truly accept the breakup, the details won't matter. And you will have nothing to be angry about anymore. word... ...............
wilsonx Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 (edited) In their purest form, anger and sadness are positive emotions with essential information about how you want to live your life. People think of sadness and anger as negative emotions because they make us uncomfortable, but it is this discomfort that is emotion's greatest gift. The discomfort of anger and sadness says something needs to change. When people avoid these so called emotions, the emotions build up and transform into rage, resentment, depression, and resignation, leaving people to feel stuck and hopeless Accepting a breakup doesnt mean the bitterness or hurt will ever go away. Only by processing one's emotions and understanding them will you be able to move forward from it instead of what most people do and compartmentalize them with terms like acceptance, indifference, etc. It is perfectly ok to feel bitterness, anger, jealousy, etc These are all human emotions I heard a quote from a member here a while ago, she said "In order to appreciate happiness, we must experience sadness" Edited April 27, 2012 by wilsonx
Eddie Edirol Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 In their purest form, anger and sadness are positive emotions with essential information about how you want to live your life. People think of sadness and anger as negative emotions because they make us uncomfortable, but it is this discomfort that is emotion's greatest gift. The discomfort of anger and sadness says something needs to change. When people avoid these so called emotions, the emotions build up and transform into rage, resentment, depression, and resignation, leaving people to feel stuck and hopeless " Thats pretty deep. Lovers, you will feel bitter for a while, its fine...dont bottle it up, you can still try to live life when the emotions come and go. As long as you learn from it, and find ways you can improve yourself to avoid these situation in the future. Sometimes you have to have these things happen to you to be able to see it coming next time. By the time you run into a woman that tries to fool you again, you can walk away without any feelings involved whatsoever.
Author lovers Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 (edited) if we ever do talk i shouldnt blow iip or anything right? i should be calm, i feel like we might talk one day whatever the case. i also think the guy she left me for is pretty delusional, he sends her a msg on fb saying how he was the chosen one and really lucky. i dunped the girl he took advantage and she hooked up with me couple of times with him knowing and she was about to dump him if i wanted her back. i know i shouldnt care but this guy just seems like a scum Edited April 27, 2012 by lovers
lalalandman Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 (edited) You're attempting to put all the pieces together, but the reality is that it's over. That's the big picture here. You can bash the other guy all you want, but it doesn't change the plain fact that this relationship is done. Time to focus your energy where it matters: yourself. On another note, anger and sadness are indeed negative emotions. Happiness and joy: these are positive emotions. It is important to understand the basic differences. Yes, young Jedi, it is benefitial to process all of these emotions you are feeling and harness their potential. However, you will eventually move past the anger. That is indeed your goal. The bitterness WILL go away, if you let it. There are folks out there who hold on to bitterness for a long time, some until the day they die. You do not want to be one of these people. Eventually, when you have processed all emotions, you will accept the breakup, have moved on, and return to your equilibrium. Your neutral state. Edited April 27, 2012 by lalalandman
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