DjinnAgain Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Okay, so soon after my divorce I jumped right into a relationship. It was too fast. He proposed but it was too fast. Neither of us had dealt with our own families pulled apart; I hadn't dealt with recovering from my ex's infidelity and he hadn't with his ex; I still mourned not "saving" my family, and he was extremely jealous and the mourning triggered that even more, and normal commication to foster a good parenting relationship sent him on witch hunts. Explosion. Fastforward to now. So, I've been hesitant to date. My friends have been trying to set me up but I've been resisting. Partially fear about dating as a single mom, partially fear about it still not being long enough, partially a thought that maybe I'll just stay single forever and that wouldn't be so bad... However, I did have my first real crush since all that. I guess my heart is opening a little. Anyways, a couple of guys have been pursuing me hard. I haven't thought much of it, but I'm starting to wonder, should I just go out and give it a try? My friends think the only way I'm going to really move on is if I get out there. I'm afraid of repeating situations, and wonder if it's even worth it because I'd rather just focus on my daughter. It would be nice to have someone I trust and love and could be intimate with, but that transition period looks notably less fun than it was back when I was child free. What do you think? Do you have to get out there in the ocean to start swimming, or when you just know on the sidelines when it's time to jump in? Part of me feels like jumping in still injured even a little is only a good way to attract sharks.
blindesided Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I think you just know when you are ready. If you have a crush - why not act on it? What about the guys that have been pursuing you? Do you have any interest? Dating can be fun & also a good way to start to learn about what you are looking for the next time. I know from my experience I knew I just wanted to date casually - but then ended up falling harder for someone who broke my heart. I think that hurt worse then the divorce. But I did learn from that experience & am ready to get back out there - maybe not by actively pursuing men like on OLD but just being open if I meet someone who I might have a connection with.
Author DjinnAgain Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 I think you just know when you are ready. If you have a crush - why not act on it? What about the guys that have been pursuing you? Do you have any interest? Dating can be fun & also a good way to start to learn about what you are looking for the next time. I know from my experience I knew I just wanted to date casually - but then ended up falling harder for someone who broke my heart. I think that hurt worse then the divorce. But I did learn from that experience & am ready to get back out there - maybe not by actively pursuing men like on OLD but just being open if I meet someone who I might have a connection with. The crush is not interested. Which is probably for the best, since we wouldn't be suited to a long term relationship. The guys pursuing me, I don't know. There's nothing wrong with them, but I'm not falling over for them. I'm still a bit scared to get out there... a lot of time and effort and not sure if I'm ready for a LTR and i don't want to hurt someone again if they want that. Now, it's been many years but when I was dating before, I know even guys who said they wanted casual relationships ended up wanting more and I hurt people not considering that possibility before I started and I just don't want to be that person. I had enough of someone else hurting me for their own selfish reasons to know I never want to hurt someone else just because I'm too selfish to consider what-if... I don't know. Thanks for your response.
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