I dont understand why she said what she said (LONG)

[indy_colts_fan]

Need insight (preferably from a woman's perspective);

 

Meet this girl about 6 months ago as she hangs out within our large group of friends. Up until about 3 months ago, it was just a friendly relationship between her and I, It drastically changed to excessive flirting for several weeks. We did text on a casual level at this point. Around the fourth month, there was a week that we hung out almost every evening, into the early morning hours. During this week, we talked on a personal level, made out ALOT and texted each other nearly all day long Most of our converstations were very flirtatious. During that week, she told me she liked me, that she told her friend that she wanted to sleep with me the first time she meet me and that she was scared to get serious but wanted it to happen. I expressed my feelings about the situation; told her I had the same thoughts about her when i meet her and I was understanding of her feelings and said we dont have to rush into anything serious. She did tell me she still wanted to sleep with me (up to this point, it hasnt happened). I did tell her although I was not opposed to being FWB, typically that isnt my style. We agreed to keep doing what we were doing. Well, I went to visit her at work one evening and she introduced me to some people as her "BF". This suprised me, but I wasnt opposed at all. Later on, I asked her if we were a serious item and she said yes.

 

Well things instantly changed after that evening. I didnt hear from her over a weekend and got a text message from her that said "she was freaking out about it being in a serious relationship and that scared sick to mention it to me. She had a blast during our week of fun, she thought i was a very funny guy and liked hanging out. She has alot of stuff going on and she didnt want to let me down and us not be friends if it was to end badly, but she couldnt be in a serious relationship and asked if we could just take the serious (dating) out of it, still hang out and that she still wanted to F my brains out". I gave her prop's for telling me and not stringing it out. I told her that I had no problems with that and that I hope things don't get weird and that I was VERY interested in still hanging out, flirting and being FWB's.

 

It's been about a month since all that happened and although the first week after that conversation things were ok, she no longer texts, unless I initiate it, and it is very short. No flirting through texting... if I say anything in the slightest fashin, the conversation ends. If we are hanging out with the group of friends, the flirting is a quick stare and a smile.

 

I am ok with us not being serious, although I wouldn't mind something in the future, but why would she say the things she said to me and then, what seems like to me, distance her self??? It's driving me absolutely crazy. I'm not going to lie, I want to bone the hell out of her now more so than before.

[indy_colts_fan]

I forgot to add, I have made an attempt to speak to her about it and the only response I received was "she hasnt been in the mood"...

[Pasttense]

It sounds like she may have a very negative reaction to a previous relationship and doesn't want to repeat it. Ask her about previous relationships.

[amantis]

She wanted to fk you , and thats it man

Come on , why everyone connects sex with relationship

 

Just fk her and have fun

 

Are you having fun now , for saying no to sex ?

[indy_colts_fan]

Pasttense, she did go through a divorce about two years ago and had a few relationships since. Her divorce has a negative effect on her most definately. I totally get why she didn't want anything serious and I respect her decisions on that. She just isnt ready for that.

 

Amantis, well that is very evident. Initially, I thought she wanted serious, so I was not going to rush into sex right off the bat. I dont need a relationship to have sex. Hell, I'm human! That is just it, I want the "fun", but it's not happening. Im trying to forget about it and just let it happen, but I REALLY WANT IT TO HAPPEN! Once it was discussed that serious was not in the books, I got over that and I told her I am all for FWB and that is all our relationship was going to consist of as far as I was concerned.

 

Im not confused about why she ended the serious portion of our relationship, but I am trying to understand why she would tell me she wanted to be FWB, but then act very distant.

 

Do I just call her bluff and straight up ask her is were going to have sex and then make my move according to her answer? I suppose I've told myself to do just that, but hesitant on doing so for fear that it will makes waves in our relationship.

[indy_colts_fan]

turns out I got played by a player! lol. I called her out and got the answers I was looking for.

 

thanks for the insight fellow LS'ers.

[dasein]

You didn't get played, or rather nothing you post suggests you did. In the future, when a woman expresses a desire for sex with you, you have a relatively narrow window to act on it or she will get put off you. Whatever they say about relationships, serious, FWB, etc. is all just noise. Get them having frequent orgasms on you and then you call the shots, there is more control and you can begin to influence the relationship towards where you want it to head. Until then it really is all noise.

[Marvin Gaye]

Just go with the flow and trust your heart