rutgers24 Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 My boyfriend and I were going out for two years. We recently broke up last week. The reason we broke up is because my mother disapproved of him because of his race, so therefore we snuck around for two years. The week of our breakup I called him everyday until I decided to not contact him. Last time I called was this Monday. He called me this Saturday to see how I was doing. I don't understand why he called me four days later. I am very close with his family and his mother told me he said he needed time and space. If he needs this, why did he call me? Did he call because I hadn't called and it freaked him out? I don't know whether to just give it time or move on.
dreamguy Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 rutgers24, the first question that comes to mind is how old are you and how old is your ex ? Second, with all due respect to your mother, if she waited 2 years to disapprove of him then I'd say she is simply torturing you both ! It's not like your mother found out something about him she didn't like and decided you should call it off. She knew about his race from day 1. If you ask me, I think that we're in 2004 (it's the 21st century, religions and races have considerably mixed) and race is not what really counts anymore. It's how good you feel when you're with someone, how good you both treat each other and most of all the respect, level of communication and love you share ! "I don't understand why he called me four days later." How about this for an answer: He Loves you ! Sometimes the answer is right in front of our eyes and yet we persist in looking for a more complicated one. "I am very close with his family and his mother told me he said he needed time and space." I see his family respects you and loves you. I'd say they are open minded about race differences. That's a good thing to consider when thinking about a future with him. Remember, the mentality of our parents (and how they raise us) sometimes affects us unconsciously for life. And I'd say the mentality of your ex's parents is not bad at all ! "If he needs this, why did he call me? Did he call because I hadn't called and it freaked him out? I don't know whether to just give it time or move on." I'm gonna give it a wild guess but I think I'll be right about it. He called you because deep inside he knows he Loves you and he doesn't need time to admit that ! The time he said he needs is for him to recover and protect his pride and his self-respect. After all, racial issues are one of the most sensitive subjects in relationships. Trust me on this ! My gf broke up with me a while ago because I'm from a different race although we both have the same religion. I feel with your bf ! I really do. I know my ex still Loves me because the reason for the break up was imposed on her (it simply wasn't her decision). And I still Love her like hell, but there's so much pride involved that I just can't go back running to her begging her to take me back !!
Author rutgers24 Posted June 21, 2004 Author Posted June 21, 2004 Well first off thank you for your response it really helped a lot. He and I are both 20. My mother disapproved from day 1 but we continued to see each other. She began to give me a hard time until I couldn't take it anymore. So my boyfriend and I decided to sneak around for the last year we were together. He said it just took a toll on him and he was stressed out and needs space. I don't know what to think anymore. I understand what he's going through. He said that I'm the perfect girl for him but right now he needs space from this. I know he loves me but its so hard. I guess I should just let things be.
dreamguy Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 He said it just took a toll on him and he was stressed out and needs space. I don't know what to think anymore. I understand what he's going through. He said that I'm the perfect girl for him but right now he needs space from this. If he really means it when he says you're the perfect girl for him then there can only be one explanation for his behavior. He's fed up that you still haven't stood up to your mother. He thought your love for him was stronger than your fear from her. He might be testing you to see if you'll let him go or you would fight anything and anyone to be with him. He wants to see if you're worth it !! Then ask yourself these questions: "Aren't you too young to give up your current life for him ? What if you did and, for some reason, things didn't work out between you two ? Where would you find yourself ?" I'd say you should talk to him about this issue after coming up with answers to the previous questions. But then again, if he says: "Yes that's why I asked for a break" you should ask: "What if I gave it all up for you and I stood up to my mother and she refused to give in, are you willing to go through the hard times with me and always be there for me ??". Good luck !
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