Wierd Feelings!

[Lad123]

Hi everyone!

 

I'm now nearly 3 month post BU(I'm the dumpee, 2.5 year RS), and 1.5 months NC (sort of!).

Whilst I do feel better from time to time, I'm nowhere near where I want to be.

I suppose the best way to sum up my feelings at the moment is Lost. It feels really quite wierd forcing myself to unlove someone, trying to accept that she's someone elses now.

 

I must admit I have no inclination to speak to her or message her. I never had really after the first couple of days. But I have been reactivating my profile on facebook to have a look to see if her relationship status has changed...in an effort to force it into my head that she's with someone else. Strangely though now, I am not a 'friend' on fb anymore...even though my account was deactivated.....how does that work? But hey its for the best.

 

I'm finding really hard at the moment thinking that I will ever feel 'in love' with anyone again it just doesn't feel right. Yet I'm sort of hoping I don't see her again...for a while at least (But, what is stranger is the fact it scares me thinking that I won't see her again....I hope that makes sense)

 

The past few weeks have been hard. I'm sick of the up and down feelings. I just want to be 6 months on from here. I'm sick of forcing myself to act happy and like the office clown to try and force myself to be happy. Yet I get back to my home and I just feel like breaking down, because I miss her so much.

 

I find myself worrying alot whether I should message her on her birthday...I've trawled the forums seeking other peoples questions on the subject. I settle on an answer only to change my mind the next day!

 

I'm so sick of the post relationship rollercoaster...I just want it to end so I can be properly happy and content with myself again.

 

Thanks for reading. I just wanted to put my thoughts out here to give my brain a rest!

 

I hope you are all well!

[Exit]

Zero reason to contact her on her birthday. No need to wish someone well who decided that you aren't worth their time.

 

You'll feel better eventually. I'm almost at 6 months since getting dumped and I still think about it every day but intensity of the pain is lessening at least.

[CrazyDiamond424]

I don't think there is anything wrong with wishing her Happy Birthday...as long as there is zero expectaions after the contact. Just a simple "happy birthday". Prove to her and yourself that you are mature about things and have no hard feelings towards her.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Do you normally wish people a happy birthday who are no longer in your life? It is pointless and a waste of your time. You need healing time and this will be a setback. stay NC; it's for the best.

[tipsyleprachauns]

I feel you. I was in that place a few weeks back just before my ex's birthday.

I didn't contact her and it actually felt good.

 

Then she resurfaced and I've had a 2 week roller coaster which has now finished and left me feeling back a bunch of steps. Some of it as a result on the contact, other bits just as a result of unfortunate facts. All of it unwanted.

 

Don't get in touch with her. Plug on.

 

I hated that feeling like I was stumbling through every day rather than really living it, but I tell you dude, stumbling through is easy compared to limping again.

[Lad123]

Thank you for all your replies everyone.

 

I agree that it makes sense to just not do anything about the birthday wishes. After all it should be treated as just another day from now on.

 

But part of me agrees with CrazyDiamond....why should I let her think that I can't be mature about it. In all truthfulness I reckon that she'd see straight through it and probably be offended, as we broke up amicably.....but then again does it matter???

 

I think if I'm honest I'm worried I'll loose what little chance I have of reconciliation. I know I shouldn't want it or need that little strain of hope. But it makes me feel a little happier than the thought that no-one is interested in me anymore. I notice that when I get that feeling were I'm starting to get used to the idea of being out of her life....It feels like my stomach just drops and I'm back to square one again.

 

I even know what I must be doing to try and get 'myself' back but at this moment in time I feel like I'm going backward compared to a month ago when I had more get up and go!!!

 

I hope this makes sense....I have an idea of the things I want to say before I start typing but it never seems to come out like I plan it!!!

 

Thank you again everyone.

[tipsyleprachauns]

Dont do it! That's how it gets everyone. You feel guilty and immature for not contacting them or not replying. When in actual fact, the mature thing to do is look out for youself, and looking out for yourself means keeping a lid on it.

[CrazyDiamond424]

I honestly don't think you have anything to lose. I'm saying this because a few days ago was my B-day and my ex sent me a text and a phone call just to say Happy Birthday.

 

It showed me love/respect and maturity on his part and if there is a chance that we will start talking again or even reconciliation then I won't have hard feelings towards him.

 

It comes down to how you think you will feel in either scenario.

[Lad123]

In all honesty I think I feel more comfortable just sending her a quick message. That way I won't have anything to regret on my part. Then it's down to her if she wants to stay NC.

 

Also, reading back my last post to myself, it seems silly that I am clinging on to false hopes. I seem to find it too easy to think that she's not 1000 miles away in another country. So as far as LDR reconciliations go......I very much doubt it. And realistically, why should I want it when she felt there was better out there.

 

I'm fed up of thinking about this all the time. I'm thinking of new things to try out and I get excited about the fact I can do something positive and hopefully meet more people. But all it takes is one negative thought about what she'd said in the past and I feel bad again!

 

Arrrrrrrrrggggghhhhh.....it's driving me nuts!!!!!