aggiepup Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 (edited) Hi all. This may take a little bit but I really feel like this might help me. I'm 19 and when I was 17 I met a guy, we had a very shaky start because I was with someone when I realised I wanted him, eventually I did the right thing and left my fella (his best mate) for this guy. He seemed really reluctant to be with me at first and I was sure he' changed his mind. We got together after bout 6 weeks of this and dated for 5 months, when he broke up with me in Jan 2011 I fell to pieces, I had to see him at college a lot and it was so hard I didn't know the reasons for our break up it was so all of a sudden, we weren't having any problems he just changed his mind one day. Because I still loved him I finally caved to him and me having a casual relationship despite all the emotional pain it caused me. In May 2011 I then lost our baby I hadn't known I was carrying and he said he wanted to get back with me, a few weeks later he said he just said that because I was sad and he wanted to change that, not because he wanted me. Over the next few months he expressed interest in several girls (all of which turned out to be more or less the same, disinterested little madams who liked to play around with boys feelings, one of which was a distant cousin of mine). When we had a death in our class at college it hit me hard and we had a small breakthrough opening up with my miscarriage and he again expressed interest in getting back together, bearing in mind we have always had an on/off casual relationship since our actual break up. But again he said he didn't mean it later on. We always stayed "friends" but it seemed each time we got closer he would pull away and treat me badly and distantly again. I had another friend die in January 2012 and he AGAIN expressed that he wanted to get back together but this time I was skeptical and said he HAS to mean what he's saying because he should learn if he says those things I'm gonna expect him to follow through or be broken-hearted, he said his head messed around and he didn't know what he wanted, around a month ago we had our biggest breakthrough yet and while not going into detail because thats more his business I vowed to help him and stand by him through all the help he was going to need, it explained his reason to break up, his reason to not discuss my miscarriage, everything. I marched him right where he needed to go and spent a lot of time and money, then he sort of disappeared, he stopped talking to me and he didn't show up to places when he said he would come. Then we went back to college last week. He was a VERY different person, he was much more open and he treated me with great kindness then he decided he wanted us to resume a casual relationship, I sort of agreed without realising it and decided to tell him it wouldn't be like how it was when he came over (which was Saturday just gone, the 21st), I explained how I DO still have feelings for him and it hurts when he has "just sex" with me, he said it wouldn't become a regular thing and I said when he's ok again I'd like to think resuming the relationship was possible. He seemed to take all this in and I did say I wouldn't go all Fatal Attraction, as much as I love him which really is with all my heart, if he does find someone new then he does and I have to square with that whether I like it or not. Well since Saturday he has been unbearable, he has avoided me or seen me in pieces and hasn't come to comfort me like he always does, suddenly I'm ridiculed at college and he's laughing with everyone and even spending time with people I know he has barely said a word to the entire course, when they wouldn't let me join them I expected SOMETHING but no, nothing and this happened just today that last part. I was in such a state because I was all alone all day and he didn't even look round at me. So this person who is supposed to not just be an ex but he was also supposed to be my best friend is treating me so horrendously bad and I think "Is it because he gets scared when we're close? Because he genuinely doesn't care? Why?" The friend of his who I broke up with is a very skeptical person and he plus a couple of others seemed so convinced we would work it out because of how we are together and that friend said the ex I still love confided he still thinks about me to him. This guy does NOT say things he doesn't mean, he is so blunt its quite scary lol. I know this is stupidly long but there was a lot to tell, I'm fed up with being fed up and I WANT to move on but 1) I don't wanna create any animosity. 2) What if I move on and I miss my big chance to be with this guy who I have had so many experiences with? 3).... I have tried again and again to have NC and I can never keep it up, I love him so very much. Can anyone give some thoughts? I am open to things I may not wanna hear but I will disagree if what you say doesn't match what his character is normally like. Can anyone help please? xx Edited April 25, 2012 by aggiepup mistake
Mr Scorpio Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 First off, your post wasn't "stupidly long". I have read and posted much longer. Never feel bad to vent on this site, we are here to help. My advice? Realize that you are still so young that you have plenty of time to meet other people and have experiences with other people. This guy is toxic for you the way he is being on-again/off-again. You do not want to build a relationship upon a foundation like that. Focus on school and your future. Know that you have years ahead of you for romance. For now, build yourself into someone you are proud of. Someone that others would want to be with -- not to imply that you aren't already someone that others would want to be with.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 2) What if I move on and I miss my big chance to be with this guy who I have had so many experiences with? "What if." Maybe the worst premise ever upon which to try to build a relationship. Especially with a person who has given you all the information and proof you need, over and over, that he is not offering you a thing. He's no prize, aggiepup. He is a liability to your chances for reaching your potential and for having a fulfilling life.
Author aggiepup Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 So how comes he is always so hot and cold? I mean sometimes he seems genuinely confused and messed up and I don't wanna leave him to rot like everyone else does. But when we're around other people particularly those at college I may as well be an old enemy or something. I know if he's like that he doesn't deserve my time and care but I'm rubbish when it comes to people. I always let them back in so easily. I'm even considering NC again and once college is done in the Summer, stick to it for a while and see if he gives a monkeys. I really know I shouldn't hang around because he might need me but if he does and I'm not there, doesn't that make me as bad as him? To promise I'll always be there and then I'm gone when he really needs someone to show him compassion? xx
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