I can't think of one positive thing that comes from commitment (monogamy)

[Mme. Chaucer]

I don't expect to "win" some debate about monogamy, but I do want to explore the role it has in our society.

 

You're not exploring it, though. You don't even engage any of the responses that have provided counterpoints to your original post.

 

Ask the people who have gone through divorce if monogamy always made them happy.

 

I'll answer that, having been divorced myself. Monogamy had nothing to do with the failure of my marriage. More sex or emotional partners would not have made the troubles any better. I can't even imagine how much WORSE that would have made things.

 

My ex husband and I were both inclined towards monogamy. You're obviously not. Live your life true to yourself, and I will as well.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I just took a quick look at your posting history, OP. You had a 13 year committed relationship - and you truly cannot think of ONE good thing that was a part of that?

 

I guess it was a very miserable union?

[mostlyclueless]

I just took a quick look at your posting history, OP. You had a 13 year committed relationship - and you truly cannot think of ONE good thing that was a part of that?

 

I guess it was a very miserable union?

 

One can value the relationship, and still prefer it had not been monogamous.

[xxoo]

One can value the relationship, and still prefer it had not been monogamous.

 

I wondered if the OP thought the relationships would have been more successful (lasted forever?) if they had been non-monogamous.

 

Is there any evidence that poly relationships last longer? Primary relationships, that is (as others might come and go throughout).

[Mme. Chaucer]

One can value the relationship, and still prefer it had not been monogamous.

 

Sure. But he said that he can't think of one good thing that can come out of commitment. I'm wondering why he remained in such an arrangement for 13 years if not a single good thing was reaped in it.

 

As I have said before, I am all for people having their relationships as they prefer, whether that be poly, mono or whatever, just as long as the people involved are not being mislead.

 

Obviously, even if the OP can't think of one good thing, etc., lots of us can think of plenty of them. And most of us are aware that we have a choice in how we live these days and are not just following societal paradigms like lemmings.

[dreamingoftigers]

So let's say your kids are on their own and you don't need a job. Everything is provided for you. Your husband tells you that he wants to be with a beautiful woman just for one night and you already spend a lot of time with each other. Would you be ok with that?

 

I would be okay with it:

 

Because that beautiful woman would be me.

 

Thank you Monogamy.

[irc333]

Intersting, I used to see topics starting off with "How does marriage benefit anyone" now it's been escalted to monogamy?

 

I figured plenty would be anti-marriage, but anti-monogamy? If no one believes in monogamy....the only thing left is casual sex and prostitution.

 

 

 

 

Monogamy is seems like ownership of another person and I don't think it benefits anyone.

 

For the sake of discussion I won't include couples who want to raise children. Also for the sake of discussion let's leave out STD's by assuming that safe sex is being practiced.

 

Having said that I can't think of anything gained by imposing the limitation of monogamy on someone. Can you?

[dreamingoftigers]

Its almost so predictable when someone wants more then one woman to get their dick wet that all of a sudden it's a "philosophical debate" and "why is it wrong? It shouldn't hurt anyone."

 

Guess what? It does. A LOT.

 

You are in your 50s. I'm guessing no one has ever cheated on you and triggered those little portions of your brain that cause pain and trauma.

 

I Personally find a lot of those folks that are in polyamory have trouble closing those outside doors because THEY are insecure and need constant reminding that if THIS sexual encounter/relationship works out, I can then jump to THAT one.

 

Sexual triangulation. "I can feel safe sharing and talking about sex because it doesn't mean I have to connect with any one person, sex can just be entertainment, pleasure and zero connection. That way I can appreciate my partner at this safe distance, knowing all of my eggs aren't in one basket."

 

That isn't freedom, that's dependence on outside sexual/relational encounters to make things work.

 

Monogamy isn't a promise, that's for sure. However, with all of the vulnerable, precious, fragile and joyful emotions that can come out during sex: it sure as Hell beats the alternative.

 

Furthermore, if my private parts are "open for business" why, exactly is there the need for more private parts? Are mine or his privates not enough? They don't work well enough? Is there some kind of private part quota that I am not aware of? Is there a shortage? Why are so many different private parts needed in one bed?

 

To sound old-fashioned: when I was a young woman, one pair was all we needed, and you kept them around. You didn't go out looking for private parts like some sort of weird scavenger hunt when you got bored. Jeez, take up a hobby!

 

For myself: I can't even get wet if I think of my husband thinking of his old, stupid porn. Why would he come to bed with me (as a silver medal) if he wants to be somewhere else screwing. Why in the Hell would I want to be #2 (or further down) to some random ho. When we made those promises to each other, the explicit and implicit promise that we made is that we would do everything in our power to not slight each other like that on any level. I wouldn't put my friends before my husband, I wouldn't put playing computer games before my husband, or money or random sexual encounters.

 

The only thing I would put before him if necessary would be our kids. OR myself if he was HARMING ME (I.e. By putting random sex first, yes yes I am finally there).

 

Poly/unmonogamy all seems like fun until the person that is more attached in the relationship feels vulnerable and/or ashamed/alone and then the less attached person resents then for it. "you used to be so fun and open" another one bites the dust, or they say nothing until they drift apart completely. Happens in marriage too...the third party doesn't have to be another person.

 

 

 

This is your original post. No where do you mention anything about emotions.

 

You seem to have confused the definition of monogamy with that of slavery. Then you made a sweeping, absolute statement that you don't think it benefits anyone.

 

Then you go on to make monogamy analagous with the act of imposing a limitation on someone to paint it in a bad light, instead of just objectively saying, "I can't think of anything gained by monogamy.", you said, "I can't think of anything gained by imposing the limitation.." See the difference? I don't think anyone would agree that imposing monogamy on someone is a good thing, but mutually agreeing to it does have benefits.

 

Why don't you just **** the two women your dating and stop worrying about all this like I told you to in your very first thread, where you did exactly what you're doing now. Spending pages and pages, repeating yourself, trying to get someone to tell you what you want to hear.