DarkPrince Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 i thoughoughly disagree that what u dont know wont hurt you. You might not feel the pain but it is still hurting you. If I hadnt checked my wife's private area after she came home from a guys house and passed out drunk I never would have known she was cheating either. I suspected it, but it would have been washed away with wishful thinking. But what would have happened is I would have continued to get cheated on over and over. My learning of my wife's affair was very painful, but the lessons it taught me are invaluable. It made me a better person. Plz excuse the typos this swype pad sucks.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 OP, in YOUR case what you didn't know WAS hurting you, or else you would not have "accidentally" read her email or looked through her wallet. If you were in blissful ignorance, you would not have gone there. You needed and wanted to know, and your suspicions were torturing you.
SoMovinOn Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Yes. Ignorance is bliss. I remember, many times, after learning of my STBXW's betrayals, how I had wished for the bliss of ignorance. If you go back just a couple of generations, it seems I have this perspective of people taking secrets to their grave, of spouses choosing to turn their head rather than needing to know ever single detail. I don't know that would be such a bad thing. Our happiness is based on what we know about our life. If everything about my life was as I wished it to be, if, while I was gone, my W was doing something else ... if I don't know, how does it change what I do know? How does it change the life I am happy with?
nofool4u Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Yes. Ignorance is bliss. Oh sure it is, until you find out years later after you have wasted half your life away on that person, or you wind up with HIV.
SoMovinOn Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Oh sure it is, until you find out years later after you have wasted half your life away on that person, or you wind up with HIV. Or even worse... cooties or girl germs!! If you end up with HIV, that kind of blows the opportunity for ignorance. The life you have with someone isn't wasted for lack of knowing something about them. Every moment of love you have, every moment of laughter, everything positive, along with every struggle and challenge you go through together ... you get to keep all those. None of them change. The life you have together is the life you have together.
beenburned Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 SMO, It depends on what their life was like while the WS was cheating, especially if it was long term. During the years(5) that my H was a serial cheater, me and the kids suffered much emotional and verbal abuse. His whole personality changed without us knowing the reason why. When questioned he would always say nothing was the matter. So I, as his spouse, felt like it must be something about me or the marriage, so I bent over backward trying to make his life better. Until d-day, when everything about what was happening in our lives made perfect sense. Yes, I feel like he stole 5 years of my life away from me with all his lies! As there was no way I would have chosen to be married to a serial cheater.
nofool4u Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Or even worse... cooties or girl germs!! If you end up with HIV, that kind of blows the opportunity for ignorance. The life you have with someone isn't wasted for lack of knowing something about them. Every moment of love you have, every moment of laughter, everything positive, along with every struggle and challenge you go through together ... you get to keep all those. None of them change. The life you have together is the life you have together. Uh, sorry, I completely disagree. The life you have with that person is a complete and utter lie. And it WILL eventually hurt that person, whether it comes in the form of finally finding out what a cheating piece of crap they are, or if they are stealing time away from you, and your kids, so they can go bone someone else. 1
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