the_daminal Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 I hope this helps to list this post in a new topic. i need answers badly I am trying to break up with my fiancee. The very abridged version of this, as my last post obviously never went through , is that i love my fiancee, very much. i dont want to hurt her. we have been together for 2 1/2 years, and we got engaged after 1 month, when i gave her a ring with the intent of a promise ring, but she took it as an engagement ring, and i guess i went along with it, not to hurt her. 5 days ago, some off-hand comments were made by her, 3 to be specific, and all of them dealt with not getting married, for some reason or another. additionally, 5 days ago, i met a girl, with whom i have talked to for a few months, and is the sister-in-law of one of my best friends. when i met the sis-in-law, for this first time, 5 days ago, (we had previously talked online), i felt something that i had never felt before. i dont' know what it was honestly, but it made me feel happy, and warm, like i had never experienced before. i felt like i could give up my world, to have a chance at hers. well, i felt like a total ass for thinking like this, considering i am engaged and all, but i started to feel like something was obviously wrong with my relationship now, if i'm feeling this way. i combated that, thinking that i was forcing myself to think that way, but if i was forcing myself, why was i doing it? no matter what was going on though, i decided that talking with my fiancee was the best route, because something was obviously wrong. i told her that i had an empty spot inside and that i had to figure out how to fix it, that it was something i had to do alone, because no one would be able to fix it but me. She seemed to understand, and she shed a few tears. I told her that all i wanted right now was to be friends, and that i needed time alone. she said that was fine, to call if i ever needed anything, and to keep my options open. I told her to keep hers open too, and with that, i left, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. so it was all done. well, i was wrong, thinking that it would be done that easily. a few hours later, she calls me, telling me how wrong i am to say that i want to spend my life with someone and then back out. She also tells me that what i need is someone to help me through it, and that pushing her away was not the answer. She told me that she didnt' want to, or couldnt' live without me, that she wanted to be my wife. for some reason, i believed this, and told her i was sorry, and that i took back what i had earlier said. This, i believe was a rather large mistake. I caved in. i went to sleep last night, thinking that i had finally come to an answer, and that these last 5 days of utter hell had finally ended. However, i woke up this morning with the same old sick feeling (yes, i've been pretty sick for 5 days. i've been throwing up a few times everyday and i've had very runny bowel movements, all because of the stress of this.) I realize that i can't just make this go away over night, and that it will hurt. I never wanted to hurt my fiancee. I still love her, but i feel that both she and I can be happier apart. Don't get me wrong though, we have a great relationship. we hardly ever fight (by that i mean like 3 fights ever), and we get along great. But, i only have 1 life to live. i have to make my choices wisely. Should i persue what i know has made me happier than i have ever been? or should i stay where i am, in a safe relationship, that i may end up hurting for later on, with more responsibility involved? There is a saying that goes "The brave may not live forever, but the cautious never truly live." And for now, im using that saying as a comforter. please, give me some insight. i know this is a confusing situation, but i can't deal with it any longer. as a side note, she does not know about the other girl, or my feelings for her. I assumed that since this is already hard, the knowledge of another girl would be even harder, and i do not want her to hurt herself. as another side note, before i met the other girl, i knew that i would like her like this, from talking to her, and getting to know her.
msrealdoll Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 5 days ago, some off-hand comments were made by her, 3 to be specific, and all of them dealt with not getting married, for some reason or another. Did these comments give you the impression she didn't want to get married, or was having 2nd thoughts?
fluffy Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 You need to break up with your fiancee...and to tell her your reasons. My ex boyfriend was in a situation like yours, he told me that he had a lot of problems, and that he wanted to be alone, when the truth is that he had already met someone. He tried to break up with me, at the beginning i agreed, i cried, but said it was ok. But then i started to think about the situation and decided that if he was having trouble i should be by his side helping him. We stayed together, but 3 months later i found out that he was having a relationship with this women...if he had told me that from the beginning, it wouldn´t have been such a horrible break up and i wouldn´t have felt so betrayed. So my advice is: tell your fiancee the truth and have a clean break up; otherwise you will hurt her more.
NMDante Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 Off-hand comments? Like what, exactly? "I don't think we should get married." or "I'm not sure YOU want to get married."? It sounds to me like you allowed yourself to get into this situation by letting her believe a "promise" ring was an engagement ring, when you yourself weren't looking at it that way. Now whether or not you love your fiance is not in question, since you say you do. Maybe her comments were "cold feet" jitters or just nervousness about a wedding and all. The big question is: Did you want to marry her? Or where you just "playing" along to spare her feelings? I don't blame your fiance for feeling hurt and distraught, because I am going through the exact same thing. My fiance of 2 years just left me because she didn't believe there was a future for us, but I found evidence of her meeting/seeing another guy and hiding things from me...and it sounds exactly what your doing is what she did to me. She claims she loves me, as well, but I'm sorry, that's crap. If you really intended on marrying this girl, you should've talked to her about your own doubts, and not place them on off-handed comments. Come clean with your own feelings, about her and this other person. I agree with fluffy...tell her the truth. Don't point fingers, or anything, just tell her the truth about how you feel.
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