oreo Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 For a start, the discovery of this forum has been great. I'm always here when I find myself lost. Now, my problems. I'm 31, and she's 24. We have been dating for 2.5 years, and, now, I kinda regret proposing to her on her last birthday. Due to the nature of our jobs, we are always traveling, and moving about. And as we are always out of town, I'm always asking her to help me do stuff, and vice versa. But it has occurred to me, that while I place her up high, and willing to carry out tasks, no matter how awkward, the same can't be said for her. There would be excuses like friends calling her out, or she has to prepare for her part-time studies, etc. or like recently, I told her that while in town with her friends, to go down to a particular shop to ask some questions for me. BT she was unable, as she didn't know the exact street, and claims her friends were all tagging along. And this left me very disappointed, as I knew she was merely 5mins away. Surely she could hv asked for directions!!! To me, it's just the principle of it all. I'm not asking a favor to help build a mountain, but simply routine daily tasks. And if I'm getting married to her, I was expecting her to do her best to help, instead of always casually brushing it aside. And in the past, she has lied to me blatantly a few times, including once of going out with the ex. I guess I should have cut her out there, but each time, she seems sorry, and I stupidly believe that everyone should be given a chance. Though I feel it's one chance too many now. I just feel taken for granted, and while I used to feel happy seeing her, these days, I just wish for my time alone. As I feel I can't trust her 100% in the things she say, and also trust her to do stuff for me. I guess her beauty bought me over, and I constantly believed she will mature overtime... My saga is made worse by having just bought a house together. I'm not sure why I'm so dumb, but I feel I should stop going down hill from here. Should I try to talk to her? Will she really wise up, and mature? Or will her character always remain, where if I don't do anything, she's not one to take any initiative....
leoc1973 Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 ok first of all when did she lie to you about seeing her ex? Was it before or after you guys had a talk about being exclusive? I always was a firm believer that without trust there is no relationship. Most people say relationships and marriage are hard work but I feel that the only reason you get into relationships is to bring joy and companionship to your life. A relationship (in my opinion) shouldn't bring only misery. And not trusting your partner is a very miserable existence. I feel that those relationships that just come easy are what they should all be like. Now that being said are you staying with her out of love or guilt or hoping she changes or what? Because if she is selfish at 24 then she is going to be selfish for the rest of it. I know she was probably with her friends and felt funny asking them to run errands with her but is it always like that? Does she ever do anything just for you? My relationship before last I was with a girl that was very selfish like that. She would never do anything just for me and she took me for granted. We had a very intertwined life. Dogs together a house furniture ect. I had to end it with her because she got me to the point where I just felt like her servant and not special to her at all. Funny tho I think she probably cared about me more than anyone I was ever with. She still says she loves me 5 years later. You need to sit down and have a talk with her. If something is eating away at you this bad then you really have to or you will come to resent her. 1
Reddice Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 (edited) Every relationship needs to have a foundation of trust and honesty. You will have to be able to rely on eachother. If you can't rely on her now, how will you be able to rely on her in marriage? If you can't trust her now, how will you be able to trust her in marriage? The balance just doesn't seem right. I had to deal with a lot of lies as well in my last relationship. I forgave her many times, because I still loved her. We had many talks about her behaviour and though I believe communication is always the key, in the end it got me nowhere. Just three months ago, she left me for another man. I'm not saying your GF will do the same to you, but once someone starts lying there's something definately off the hook. Your gut instinct is telling you the same thing. So you can try talking and see if you can clear the air. But... In my country we have a saying: The fox may lose his hair, but not his cunning. Edited April 25, 2012 by Reddice
Author oreo Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 ok first of all when did she lie to you about seeing her ex? Was it before or after you guys had a talk about being exclusive? I always was a firm believer that without trust there is no relationship. Now that being said are you staying with her out of love or guilt or hoping she changes or what? Because if she is selfish at 24 then she is going to be selfish for the rest of it. I know she was probably with her friends and felt funny asking them to run errands with her but is it always like that? Does she ever do anything just for you? My relationship before last I was with a girl that was very selfish like that. She would never do anything just for me and she took me for granted. We had a very intertwined life. Dogs together a house furniture ect. I had to end it with her because she got me to the point where I just felt like her servant and not special to her at all. Funny tho I think she probably cared about me more than anyone I was ever with. She still says she loves me 5 years later. . She did it after we got together. She claims she didn't lie, as she did say she was going to meet a friend, just left out who, till I found out accidentally. But she has remorse over this and other incidents. The thing that drives me nuts is that, while she says she sorry, she does this for a very short period. After that, she will just say its up to me to accept, and if I can't, we should just break up. I have been with her for this long, cos I truly love her. As always, there see things that make me happy. But the balance really doesn't seem right. She would do things for me, after I complain that that she doesn't. Like we have quarreled so often on our holidays, cos she doesn't bother to do any planning. Leoc1973: she also tells me she loves me so much. But I don't understand, if you love someone that much, wouldn't you be prepared to do everything? Are they selfish?
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