Hunter38 Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 I have just started dating this girl. She is a really great person, pretty, smart, funny and studying for a good career. But something doesn't feel right. We have been on 2 dates so far. First was bowling and out for a drink. Second was the movies and had a quick drink afterwards. We are just getting to know each other though as we had only just met before I asked her out and we are both kinda shy around each other just now. There is no flirting or anything but I know that she likes me. I kissed her on the second date but I just didn't feel anything. Is it too soon for me to feel anything, do I just need to get to know her a bit better first? There is nothing about her that puts me off so I have no reason not to like her. I should also add that 2 months ago my last girlfriend (my first love) cheated on me and left for another guy so I'm still really timid around girls. I'm not sure if this is playing a part in how I feel or if I'm using it as an excuse? Please guys I really need advice.
Author Hunter38 Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 Any advice will be appreciated guys. I'm beginning to think that it's just me that's still a bit gun shy after my last girlfriend, and that I should work on this new relationship a bit longer. We are just getting to know each other so maybe once we are comfortable with each other then the chemistry will follow. But I'm getting worried that she can sense that there's something not right about me. Should I tell her about what happened to me last time or just try and bluff my way through it? She really is a great girl, an honest, hard working, down to earth, kind natured girl and any guy would be lucky to have her. I think if I let her slip away prematurely I will regret it, girls like this one don't come along too often, certainly not in my past they haven't. Please give some advice or your similar experiences please. Thanks.
Philosoraptor Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 The real question is have you fully healed and let go of your past? Cheating can leave a big wound and it was but 2 months ago. If you have healed then give it time. It takes awhile for things to get going and you can't expect to hop into things at full throttle.
Author Hunter38 Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 The real question is have you fully healed and let go of your past? Cheating can leave a big wound and it was but 2 months ago. If you have healed then give it time. It takes awhile for things to get going and you can't expect to hop into things at full throttle. Thanks for your reply. I would say that I've healed as much as I'm going to heal. I'm still very shy and scared of opening up to people I don't know very well for fear I'm making myself vulnerable again. This is the first girl I've dated since. So I don't know if there isn't a spark because I'm afraid of having a spark, or if I genuinely don't feel anything. This is really tough
Philosoraptor Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 My advice is to give it time and learn to have zero expectations. It will not only allow you to judge this person correctly, but take the pressure off of you.
Author Hunter38 Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 My advice is to give it time and learn to have zero expectations. It will not only allow you to judge this person correctly, but take the pressure off of you. I already have zero expectations. If fact my mental state right now is that I'm always expecting good things to turn out bad which is completely the wrong mindframe to be dating with. Do you think I should tell her that I was hurt before and I want to take things really slow? On one hand it will give her a good explanation for if she ever feels like I'm being distant etc. On the other hand she may think I'm "damaged goods" and be scared away by this. I think I'll just ride it out for a few more dates and see what happens.
InJest Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 There is no way to know if she's going to hurt you or not. You just have to take the chance.
sal110104 Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 I would give it another few dates. People fall for each other at different times. If there is nothing specific that turns you off - then why not keep trying. I had a similar situation with my ex - we dated for about 5mos. There was physical chemistry & we had tons of fun together. But in the end - he broke u with me saying he didnt have the "in love" feelings. I was heartbroken at the time but understood - I wasnt 100% myself around him - there was just something missing. So after a few dates - maybe find out what she is feeling too - you dont want to lead her on
CrazyDiamond424 Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 Maybe you shouldn't try and rush into anything just yet. 2 months is not enough time to completly heal or forget about someone who was your first love. Maybe you THINK you've moved on, but your heart isn't letting this girl in. Don't lose contact with her. You can go on dates and whatnot, but don't give her the impression that you want anything serious. Not only will you have to force yourself to have feelings for her, but if she starts to have feelings for you SHE'S gonna end up being hurt in this equation. Best of luck!
Author Hunter38 Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 Thanks for the great advice everyone. I really do appreciate this. I do want to keep seeing her but that is the main thing I'm worried about. If I don't get feelings for her soon then I will just be leading her on and I really don't want to hurt her. Now that I know how badly it hurts for someone you really like to dump you, I never want to be the one to cause that kind of pain, especially to someone as great as her who doesn't deserve it in the slightest. I will see her a few more times. I'm seeing her on Sunday and I'm taking her to the sea life centre so should be quite good. I'm going to try and force myself out of my shell this time and hope that she loosens up a bit too. Then we can both just be ourselves. Thanks again everyone.
ednadean Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 yes after two dates -- you barely know each other. I personally take months to really get to know people -- and often my relationships have spun from work (not ideal -- but it's an environment where you can get to know people platonically for a really long time). give it time. don't go into your history too quickly. I really hate it when guys i date even mention their ex in conversation. give it time, and go with the flow.
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