Was I too needy?

[Metamorph]

My bf and I have been together for almost a year. In that time I was diagnosed with depression. It hit me hardest a couple of months ago. I was upset all the time and would cry almost everyday. My bf visited his friends for a week across the country a couple months ago, during that time. Because I would get upset, I would call him about 3 times a day during that week to talk for about 30 minutes at a time. I didn't really want to call him so often because he only gets to see these friends once a year, but I wanted to talk to him. I have never met the friends he was staying with and he told me that they would look at him amusingly when I would call multiple times a day, suggesting that they thought I was super clingy and needy when I called him. He said that that was the only time in our relationship when he thought that I was too clingy.

 

We talked about this recently. I joked around saying that his friends would probably ask him why he dates me. And he said yeah after all that calling, I bet they would, semi-joking and semi-serious. Then he added but they don't know you at all or anything about you and I love you.

 

It kind of upset me to hear this because I want his friends to like me and not think I'm crazy (even if I am depressed). Was I too clingy when I called him 3 times a day when he was gone? I was going through a rough patch and it just sucks hearing that I was too clingy.

Edited April 25, 2012 by Metamorph

[darkmoon]

"It kind of upset me to hear this because I want his friends to like me and not think I'm crazy (even if I am depressed) "

 

i once advertised for a cleaner to help cuz i was depressed, when i told the numerous applicants of my state of mind, not one none wanted to take the job though i paid good, yes, i know ppl should be kinder, but i hope that you are more careful than me in future and hide symptoms by not discussing, or at least not to come across as a burden by smiling a bit when/if you meet his friends ppl have thier own ideas, so cut out the phoning, they are probably not that interested in you compared to thier own loves (friends women and family) forget the phonings incident they'll lose interest to more immediate ppl in thier lives, drop the subject leave it to be forgotten do not remind anyone of it

Edited April 25, 2012 by darkmoon

[whichwayisup]

Are you getting help for your depression? Seeking counselling? Try cognitive behaviour therapy.

 

Calling him so many times a day isn't normal behaviour, needy is the wrong word, it's like you were desparate and almost hysterical if you didn't talk to him so much. What are/were you afraid of? Why so many times a day? Were you scared something was going to happen to him, or maybe he met someone else?

 

Putting all your eggs in one basket and relying on one person to make you feel good isn't a healthy thing. Good relationships last because each person has their own life, own friends and things they like to do apart from their partner. All in balance of course.

 

I suffered from panic and anxiety attacks, it's so much better now but that's because I did counselling and learned how to cope with it and all the worrisome thoughts and unhealthy way of thinking and dealing with things. I get how you might feel frantic without him but if you don't stop, and slow down, think about why you feel so needy and clingy to him, you're going to push him away.

[Simple love]

Sounds like your boyfriend is understanding.

It is mostly guys joking around. When I was deppressed

My girlfriend of seven years left me and slept

. I was crushed. Just thank your boyfriend for

Being there for you and don't feel guilty for being

Depressed. It happens and people that don't

Understand it aren't worth worring about

I hope I find someone who will accept all of me.

In a way I'm greatfull for my battles with depression

Because I've learn so much. Anyways.

Take care:)

[jennisfora]

i wouldn't worry too much about what other people may be thinking. that in itself causes unnecessary anxiety. in all truth, you can never know what another person is thinking, secondly, everyone has their own lives, and events that they go through in a day, your calling pattern is not likely to be important to any of his friends except in passing. it just isn't going to be something they are going to think overly much on, except when it is happening they may chide your bf, looks like your girl is feeling insecure, hah ha, and then they talk about something else entirely and don't think another thing about it, until you call again.

 

i guess, what i am saying is, dont worry about what they think, because you will never know, and they arent likely to be thinking about you beyond the moment. focus on what you can control, yourself. i would be more worried about your bf perceiving you as needy, because he is the one that you will drive away, not his friends. *hugs*