crazyaboutcrazy Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 I knew she was a little unstable from the day we met, which as usual was part of the attraction. After dating for a short but intense time she moved OS and we continued an LDR for months, until I went and stayed with her for a while and asked her to move back with me. After she agreed, things went bad pretty quickly. I made lot of mistakes and let myself get pushed into such a bad place from her refusal to let anything go. She never came to terms with the fact I have an ex wife and children, and would back me into a corner until I lost my ****. Things got so ugly that she destroyed some of my stuff and I fell into fits of rage that left her so terrified she had to move out. In short, a classic toxic relationship. I've since started therapy to deal with my many issues and she says she is open to us trying again if I can work through the behaviours that drove her away. The problem is, she refuses to be accountable for the awful things she did and claims that my actions 'forced her to become someone she isn't', which included her threatening to 'destroy me'. She also expects me to bend over backwards to repair the hurt I caused her, without the slightest consideration for the fact that she inflicted her share of misery on me over the time we lived together. Combined with the fact that she resents having moved back from overseas for me, it's a lethal combination which has taken me to new lows which I never thought I could sink to. Everything came to a head a month after she left and she tells me she met someone in a blatent attempt to hurt me, resulting in me threatening to kill her in the middle of a crowded street... Since then I've made a number of gestures to attempt to make up for that awful incident, but there is so much anger still within her and unresolved issues on my side that I'm starting to reconsider my theory that I can repair anything through spending time together. We clearly bring out the worst in each other even though we still love each other on some level. Reconcilliation takes effort from both sides, and without that I just need to let go of the guilt and cease all contact immediately, which contradicts my initial post but so be it. The lesson I've learnt is that I need to stop getting involved with potentially insane women, and also have to accept responsibility for making them act crazy through my own disfunctional behaviour. Or am I over-analyzing?
dacookie Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 This seems similar in a way to what I've experienced, bit of a crazy woman, unstable, anger problems, insecure? first one to be unhappy in the relationship which then caused you to be unhappy(at least I think thats what you're saying) Getting annoyed over the ex wife and kids seems rather unfair.I think you should go NC and really look at if its worth getting back with this woman, can you live with her being like that all her life etc.Let a reasonable amount of time pass(until you are healed) and if you still care after that then get talking to her and see if she has changed her old ways.If not, run away, far away!
Zabs Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Hey! It is great news that you have identified the fact you need therapy..but the horizon ain't so good for the two of you if the other party cannot accept any liability for the failure of the relationship. There are generally, many ways in which a person can healthily contribute to a relationship where one partner can be slightly off key, but absolving oneself of responsibility completely is not recipie for success! Speaking from experience, I am a woman with tendencies of rage, in which time I am capable of things I wouldn't usually be. The difference is, I am going through therapy too and understand that if a person is unable to express the spectrum of emotions, these lead to bottling things up and other 'easier' to express emotions come out disproportionate and unmanageable. ie; anger. From what you say, as much as you love each other, there appears to be much work to be done. I would suggest some distance between the two of you which will give you both the time needed to evaluate the stengths and weaknesses of the relationship and see if some common ground can be identified, if at all. Then..see what happens next..we are all here for you;) Much love, Zabs xx 1
fucpcg Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) My ex and I both had issues. Her's were the ones that really affected us in the start, and when we had those issues I always talked things out with her, and always stood up for us. Down the road, my issues were coming back to haunt us, and I really did get a lot of stuff wrong, stuff I never meant to, but wanted to deal with. Her response was to crucify me for everything I got wrong, while saying she was always good to me and that's what she got in return, so F me. I know I have much to work on, she does as well, but at this point I have sought help from every possible angle to grow as a person, and she has dumped us and claimed everything to be my fault. It takes both people to make it work. One sided will never work, and the one who is willing to try will ultimately be the one that gets burned, and the one who can't admit their faults will move on callously. Tough spot, but if I were you, with what I have learned, I wouldn't touch it. Not unless some day she can be honest, admit her faults, and WANT to seek help moving forward, like you do. Edited April 26, 2012 by fucpcg
Author crazyaboutcrazy Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 Appreciate the replies. I'm really starting to see why No Contact is important, everytime I hear from her it results in me feeling unsettled and I have times when I play out 'worst-case scenarios' in my head. Just today she contacted me to say she was in the area and would drop over, but stood me up with no explantion...guess she got a better offer! All she achieved was ruining my afternoon as I am now wondering what she decided to instead, thinking the worst. Time to block her number I guess.
rumrunner63 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I have been off/on with my ex for 2 1/2 years and finally figured out that in spite of all the love I have for her she's just bat**** crazy period. Zoloft and mega red wine doesn't help her as she was already unstable. I don't know your age but I'm mid-40's and will tell you that there a TON of available women.....you just have to weed thru the nutty ones. Being alone for awhile is much more relaxing than having to sleep with one eye open...trust me.
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