loveofhislife Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Hello. I'm new here. Never thought I would end up on a forum about being the other woman. But here I am. I'm here because I can't talk to anyone else about this and I'm tired of keeping in all my feelings to myself. No one would understand. I barely understand half the time. How do you explain to someone you're in love with a married man and he loves you back without them looking at you like a complete idiot? For me its impossible. So I hope I came to the right place to express my feelings. So here goes..... I met my man almost 8 months ago. I was at a club and he came to speak. He was really just the wingman for his weird friend that wanted to talk to my friend. But we ended up having a great conversation and I knew I wanted to continue getting to know him after we left. At that time I had a boyfriend and wasn't looking for anyone else. I wasn't happy but I still didn't want to deal with the drama of another man. I wasn't expecting to meet someone that would intrigue me so quickly. He was such a sweet, funny, interesting person. I couldn't leave without giving him my number. He texted me to make sure I made it home safely. We texted back and forth that night for a couple hours. He sent me pictures of himself and I sent him some of me (no nudity involved). Then we said goodnight and went to sleep. From that moment I knew it would turn into something more. The next day he texted me good morning and our text conversation literally lasted the entire day. I couldn't talk because it was labor day and my boyfriend was around me the entire day. He was very insecure so our conversation had to be hidden. We talked about everything imaginable. But by our conversation that there was more to his story that I didn't know. Was he married? So I asked. His answer didn't shock me but hurt my feelings. Yes he was married. Then he asked if that was a problem for me. It took me a long time to respond. A million things were going through my head. I kept telling myself it was ok because I had a boyfriend and it wasn't going anywhere anyway. So my answer was no its not a problem. Looking back I don't know if it was the worst or best thing i've ever done. After that a couple days later came the "first date." I didn't know it was a date at first. Just thought it was just doing lunch with a "friend." He was even more gorgeous than I remembered. Tall, fine, gorgeous smile, sexy bald head, and he could dress his ass off. It was a wrap after that. He had me under his spell. The lunch went great. Wonder conversation. We just clicked. As we were about to part ways he leaned in and kissed me. Probably the best first kiss I've ever had. I was all his. I got in my car and screamed. Screamed for joy and screamed cause I was officially a homewrecker. Many more lunches, dates, meetings, kisses went on for another month. Then came love.... He rented me a hotel room for the weekend to getaway from everything. The plan was for him to spend the first night with me then let me have the rest of the weekend for whatever. I met him there on a Friday night. We stayed down in the restaurant to eat and he needed to tell me something. He told me everything he felt with me. Then he told me he was in love with me. I didn't know what to do or say so I just listened. It almost felt like he was going to propose. (I knew he wasn't though) What do you say to a man you met a month ago that tells you he's in love with you? Nothing. You just listen. Then we went up to the room and made love for the first time. To make a extremely long story short.... Relationship continued and grew. He's taken me to New York, New Orleans for Mardi Gras and next is Vegas for my birthday. We've grown to really and truly love each other. He's my best friend. I've never had a connection with anyone else like this before. I moved away from him to go to grad school so now we're dealing with a long distance relationship. Its hard but rewarding at the same time. He takes care of me and treats me completely like a "regular" boyfriend would. The plan is when I graduate he leaves his wife and I move back to be with him. The main reason for my move back is to go to medical school there. That thought terrifies me. Sometimes I feel horrible for everything he's about to go through and what his kids will have to go through. But he's a willing participant. This was all his idea. I just gave him a time limit. If he's not gone by the time I graduate its over. He has a year now. But the longer we do this the harder it gets. I wish she would go away but I feel bad for her at the same time because she doesn't know whats going to happen. So I said all that to say I don't know if i'm doing the right thing anymore. I love him. He loves me. I'm just terrified that all this preparation will be for nothing. Now that I've gotten that off my chest. I feel much better. That's my first time telling anyone my story. Thats not even the half of it.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 That's quite the "love story" alright. You're not sure you're doing the right thing "anymore"? You were sure it was right … when you had a boyfriend? Or when you just met and he told you he was married? Oh, yeah. Yes he was married. Then he asked if that was a problem for me. I think with the bolded, this character of yours completely outed himself as a total douche. "Is that a problem for you?" Obviously this is familiar ground for him, and he figured it was for you as well. Carry on.
january2011 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 He takes care of me and treats me completely like a "regular" boyfriend would. Except that after he plays 'boyfriend' to you, he goes home and plays 'husband and dad' to his wife and kids. He's still living with his wife, they are not separated, nor has he filed for divorce. The odds of a successful monogamous relationship are low for you. This does not sound like a man who really truly loves you. This sounds like a man who is either looking for a bit of fun/ego boost and has no intention of leaving his wife OR is too cowardly to do the right thing, so wants to make sure the next bed he jumps into is warm first. I'm sorry, I don't have high hopes that your dreams will come true when you graduate. 2
LoveTKO Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 Long distance? Oh no....here we go again. Question: are you okay with the fact that he still makes love to his wife, passionate lovemaking, often, with passionate kissing and all? And are you okay with the strong possibility that he could have another paramour, just like yourself, on the side somewhere? He probably does....make no mistake about it.
wannabdone Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 Girl, girl, girl.... what are you thinking? First off... how old are you/him? Secondly, SMH on MM in clubs... "wingmen" or no, its ridiculous. Third, its very easy to tell you what you want to hear, when you grad...you two will be together. Let's just wait and see what happens once it gets there. IF he loved you, truly loved you.... he wouldn't wait a minute to be with you. And didn't you learn in HS to NOT buy the "I love you" and then sleep with him??? Come on, you have to be smarter than this. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings here. But, you have your entire life ahead of you. Don't throw it away on a guy who gives you the most common lines in the book. 1
LoveTKO Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 Girl, girl, girl.... what are you thinking? First off... how old are you/him? Secondly, SMH on MM in clubs... "wingmen" or no, its ridiculous. Third, its very easy to tell you what you want to hear, when you grad...you two will be together. Let's just wait and see what happens once it gets there. IF he loved you, truly loved you.... he wouldn't wait a minute to be with you. And didn't you learn in HS to NOT buy the "I love you" and then sleep with him??? Come on, you have to be smarter than this. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings here. But, you have your entire life ahead of you. Don't throw it away on a guy who gives you the most common lines in the book. He has to be a bit older because she was alluding to his sexy balding head. When he approached her in the club he probably wore a "Member's Only" jacket with a button down shirt exposing his "Manther" chain/medallion cloaked in his thick, shiny chest hair. 2
Anywhere Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 Why be snide to her? Can't we share experiences without being hurtful about it?She sounds very young and isn't the first young lady to be taken in by someone's tale of enchantment. She was looking for someone to commiserate perhaps? Love, it is entirely possible that this is a dream come true, but in many cases it will not be. Tread lightly and guard your heart as much as you can. Find someone close to you to confide in who will support you in your happiness and your pain. I'm sorry that you found someone that seems so special to you under these circumstances, please keep your eyes open. It may not be as you'd wish.
Furious Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 You are young, and impressionable, you like the money he spends on you, the trips he takes you on. Would you still feel the same if he was a bald older guy who works as a janitor and had to take the bus on your dates. 1
LoveTKO Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 You are young, and impressionable, you like the money he spends on you, the trips he takes you on. Would you still feel the same if he was a bald older guy who works as a janitor and had to take the bus on your dates. Nice!! All of a sudden an image of that fat bald janitor guy from Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" music video popped in my head.... 1
Angelina527 Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 No you're not doing the right thing, and if you have any questions on whether you are or not, please call his wife. I'll bet she'll let you know that what you're doing is very very wrong. I'm sure she would also love to know what is happening so she has the chance to make plans for her future. 1
findingnemo Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 I'm always surprised when people say they are in love. So fast? Maybe infatuated? In lust? But in love? And why should the end of his M be dependent on your finishing school? He's playing you. He's making it your problem when it's him who is M. Don't believe him. Don't give your heart away to someone who you can't be sure is doing the same. Use the LD to get him to commit to leaving and you'll see. After all, MMs shouldn't leave for the AP but because their Ms are not working. So this is actually the best time for him to leave and settle down ALONE so that by the time you're done, you and him can be together forever. I can bet you that if you run this by him, he will tell you all sorts of stories explaining why he can't leave right now.
Athena Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 I just gave him a time limit. If he's not gone by the time I graduate its over. He has a year now. But the longer we do this the harder it gets. I wish she would go away but I feel bad for her at the same time because she doesn't know whats going to happen. Actually, it's YOU that doesn't know what's going to happen... in another year's time (the time limit YOU picked) you will be so locked into this guy that you will be devastated when he doesn't do as he promised way back when. And you will have lost two years of your young life where you COULD have been Building a solid love relationship, on a sleaze-ball who is just using you for his side woman for the next year (thanks to your generous time line). Have you never heard of selfish married men who want to hook up with an extra chick on the side? They are so entitled that they can sleep with two women? Do you honestly believe in your heart that this man will betray his children and walk away from a Marriage for you -- a pussy he sleeps with? Aint happening. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you are to blame for keeping all this super secret -- if you were honest and open about your hook up, then someone else close to you would have pointed it out to you, that this guy is leading you on, so as to sex you and make himself feel special when he has a secret lover. You mean nothing more to him than a chick who doesn't mind being used, as long as he throws you some lines about love, and how special you are, and promises you 'a future' together, all the while he's just a lying s.o.b. who likely has done this before and gotten away with it... he's just fine-tuned the lies to get what he wants, faster. Just so you know.
TaraMaiden Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 The OP's forum name is completely wrong... it should read 'suckerforpunishment'. Sadly hun, that's exactly what you are. I'm sorry, but you really need to open your eyes to the reality of the situation. He's a cake-eater. BIG time.
LoveTKO Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 OMG that is TOO funny! "Sexy" balding head? BLECH! ....with fingers pointing "pistol grip" style and saying "Hey...you look outta sight" with a big smile.....just like Isaac from the "The Love Boat" during the opening credits...check it out: http://rightinthemustache.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Isaac-Washington.jpg
wannabdone Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 Come on guys... simmer down. Let's not make this about making fun. The OP needs support. You don't have to agree with her, but lets not forget that.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 It does seem to be a popular trend, though, for a brand new member to join us, share a very romantically written story of fated love, and then never appear again. 3
truthbetold Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 OP Hopefully you're still reading and absorbing even though the responses may have been a bit of a shock. This is just my take, but I think you may have gotten some of the responses for your perceived smugness. (pitying the wife saying she has no idea what's going to happen in a year) The poster that said YOU are the one who may be in for that shock in a year is what moreso happens. I think your gut knows that which is why you are questioning if you're doing the right thing. (hint: if you have to question your relationship, it ain't right) Pay attention to those warning voices inside you the harder you try to squash them, the louder they'll get. I think you know this deep inside which is why you won't tell anyone in RL but you're hoping to hear validation here. If you want cheering on and how to stay in the misery of an A, then this place will likely make you very uncomfortable. But if you want to take off the rose colored glasses and see what you NEED to, then you need to take a good look at the reality of your situation. It would be good if you would come back and learn from this and hopefully not be defensive as most are just trying to spare you from more pain down the road. But it's your choice so if you continue on now that your eyes have been opened, you can't blame him for all your heartache as you'll be an accomplice in your pain. 2
kaityjane Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 These people above have truly given you solid advice...they know of what they speak. They have walked a thousand miles before you, and I. Please take it from me...I was you two years ago. I had timelines that came and went. Ultimatums that were blown off by trips and presents. And now, after wasting precious time, finances, emotional energy, stolen moments from my children, I'm at the same place you will be. Dealing with the consequences of poor choices. You arent meant to be with him, even though every fiber of your being is telling you you are. Theres a place within you that already knows this. Listen.
Motor35 Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 . (hint: if you have to question your relationship, it ain't right) easily one of the most simple, profound things i have learned recently.
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