Is She Into Me? Mixed Signals...

[White Steed]

Going through a confusing situation, at the moment.

 

I met a girl in the fall - tons of things in common and we really hit it off. I was specifically told by her best friend that I had the 'green light' but randomly a few days later she told me she was only interested in getting to know me as a friend right now because she wasn't interested in a relationship (i.e. I don't like you) despite me being 'charming, funny, etc.' and 'the first guy since her ex she could see herself dating'.

 

We stopped talking for 4/5 months aside from the odd text message here and there.

 

We went to a concert together last week and I basically went into it w/ no expectations and the mindset we were just friends.

 

Over the course of the night I noted the following...

 

Good Signs

- laughed at everything I said...literally had her snorting a couple of times

- frequently touched me when talking to me, playfully hitting me when I made fun of her, etc.

- ran into a bunch of her friends who smiled and were like "oh, this is Alex!" when she introduced (not once did she introduce me as her 'friend, Alex'...I took that as a good sign)

- we were both fairly drunk at this point, but when I walked her home we lingered outside of her door for 10-15 minutes talking instead of her thanking me for a good night and going inside as soon as we got there

 

Bad Signs

- seemed tense once or twice when I would put my arm around her to talk when we were in loud places

- eye contact wasn't consistent; I'm a fairly confident guy and like to have eye-contact when talking...the night I met her it was mutually pretty intense but on this night it varied. She'd tell me stories and look to my left and right alot w/o making looking directly into mine for very long

 

As we were standing outside of her door at the end of the night, I debated whether I was expected to kiss her. I kept looking for a sign and she finally touched my chest when she was saying something and commented that 'somebody's been working out'.

 

A minute or two later I looked at her and said out loud '**** it, I have to.." and leaned in and kissed her. It was quick and she didn't pull away, but I think I definitely caught her off guard. When I apologized later for catching her off guard via text she said "haha it's okay, Alex. Can't help getting caught in the moment. I'm off to bed but thanks for a great night!"

 

Thoughts?

[sid3]

I don't believe that you went into it without expectations, that aside i don't have my magic

8 ball handy. Pure speculating, it doesn't look good. +1 for making a move and kissing her. Next time try it when you both haven't been drinking. You'll get a much better sense of her reaction.

[SmileFace]

A minute or two later I looked at her and said out loud '**** it, I have to.." and leaned in and kissed her. It was quick and she didn't pull away, but I think I definitely caught her off guard. When I apologized later for catching her off guard via text she said "haha it's okay, Alex. Can't help getting caught in the moment. I'm off to bed but thanks for a great night!"

 

Thoughts?

Awww, this too cute.

Seems hopeful - ask her out again. Good luck

[RedRobin]

It's really simple, OP. When someone tells me they aren't interested in a relationship, I believe them.

 

There are too many other people out there who ARE interested in relationships for me to bother.

 

Why are you still pursuing this one exactly?

 

On the other hand, it wouldn't hurt to ask her out again. Sober.

[White Steed]

Thanks for taking the time to reply! Appreciate any insight.

 

@sid3 - I really DID go into it w/ no expectations...can't be disappointed if you don't have any Obviously, I'm still attracted to her but I wasn't going to let her not being into me ruin my night.

 

@smileface - thankssss...I felt like such a dork after for saying that haha

 

@red robin - I did believe her. I stopped putting any effort in after she told me back in the fall how she felt. The only time we ever talked was if I ran into her in person or she texted me (which was only a couple of times/month). I have no interest in wasting my time on 'making' someone like me.

 

Just basically looking for opinions based on what I posted in the OP as to whether or not people think she has an interest in me based on how the night went...

[firehawk_1]

no she doesnt. she is playing you and being a drama queen and seeking attention, as per usual thats how these women work.

 

move to someone better, if such exists these days. there doesnt really seem to be better but only worse.

[sid3]

Fair enough OP. I think the 4-5 months is the most telling sign, IMO. Hopefully for you, I'm wrong. Obviously you're going to give it another shot, regardless of the replies you get here.

I would. I also would'nt wait very long.

[RedRobin]

Thanks for taking the time to reply! Appreciate any insight.

 

@sid3 - I really DID go into it w/ no expectations...can't be disappointed if you don't have any Obviously, I'm still attracted to her but I wasn't going to let her not being into me ruin my night.

 

@smileface - thankssss...I felt like such a dork after for saying that haha

 

@red robin - I did believe her. I stopped putting any effort in after she told me back in the fall how she felt. The only time we ever talked was if I ran into her in person or she texted me (which was only a couple of times/month). I have no interest in wasting my time on 'making' someone like me.

 

Just basically looking for opinions based on what I posted in the OP as to whether or not people think she has an interest in me based on how the night went...

 

You posted some relevant back history, which, in combination with how the evening went, prompted me to formulate the opinion I did.

 

I guess it might be because, in the past, when I've told someone I'm not interested in a relationship, it always has meant with them.

 

I don't do that anymore. I'm alot more straightforward than that these days. Partly because I've tried my hand at approaching and asking out men, and came to realize the above reasons are usually just BS. I never liked it done to me, and so I don't do it to others.

 

That said, saying she is 'playing' you might be going a bit too far. But I'm also kind of 'meh' about any chances you really have.

 

Here is a question... did she initiate the contacts at all? Who initiated the concert outing? Did you go dutch?

[yongyong]

you don't know her situation. she might had some 'bidders' when you were around her.

 

You could be the only guy right now, who knows.

 

don't talk about good memories, how she is still lovely those B.S

 

just meet her for drink. bring her home. Escalate.

 

Being Aloof would be the key I believe.

(don't be mad about her turing you down in the past, don't get excited about seeing her either)

[sid3]

I agree, its unlikely she's playing you. Your chances may be slim, I'd say they're 50-50

[White Steed]

@firehawk - this is actually why I'm posting...that's exactly how I feel. She has a lot of guy friends and after a few drinks we were talking and I asked her her thoughts on whether guys and girls could be friends. She didn't think so and I called her out on feeling that way despite me noticing she has so many (I'm honest with people to a fault lol)

 

@sid - haha actually, I wasn't planning on doing anything! I figure she's aware of how I felt about her a few months ago and since I kissed her the other night she clearly knows I still have some attraction towards her. My plan was basically that I feel the ball's in her court to make a move if she's interested - and if she doesn't, no sense losing sleep. I assume that's the best course of action, especially considering she's moving five hours away to work for the summer.

 

@red robin - Yeah - agree/respect all of that. When she said the "I'm not interested in a relationship right now" line back in the fall I called her on it. I told her that's just a generic excuse people use when they aren't interested in someone, and if she doesn't like me in a relationship sense I'm not the type of guy to be insulted by that so just be up front with how she feels about me and not to worry about sparing feelings. She replied that she definitely wasn't sugar-coating anything and that she does like me but that's just the way she feels (I personally was w/e to that since I know the reality of these things is that if someone is actually head-over-heels for someone they're going to make an exception). She went on to suggest something about being friends/getting to know each other and if something developed, go from there - but that she didn't expect that to be for a while. I told her I didn't feel like investing all of my time in a situation like that and that was that.

 

I, too, am meh about how she feels. I'm not looking to 'date' her, so-to-speak. Just wouldn't mind knowing how high her interest level is. I'm not a huge fan of going into things w/ a "I want to date this girl" mentality. It results in coming on way too strong and people being way too serious, way too fast. Have some fun and go with the flow, amirite?!

 

After the above conversation we went from talking pretty much everyday for the month or so I knew her to talking 2-3 times a month (I would ballpark that she initiated ~85% of these). As for the concert, I told her about it (both were fans of the people performing) and the next day she said none of her friends wanted to go and asked if I wanted to. None of mine wanted to, either, so I was like screw it. We grabbed a casual dinner before the show and we went dutch on that (I decided beforehand I wasn't going to offer based on her being so adament about being 'friends first' back in the fall). I did pay for the majority of drinks, though.

Edited April 25, 2012 by White Steed

[sid3]

Given the additional info, you're clearly her backburner guy. I agree, do nothing.