soinlovewithtwo Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 (edited) Hi.. I just looked through my last thread from nearly a year ago, and gained insight just from there. Let me say, nothing has really changed. were still sexless, hes still cheap, and we still dont agree about living or marriage. Altogether now, we've been dating for 16 months. I ended up living with BF for a few short weeks, and as someone suggested, i DID become resentful because not only was he living with me rent-free, but he didnt even help with chores (he'd let the trash basically overflow and Id be forced to take it out.) I kicked him out and broke up with him, which lasted 2 weeks. Then, we got back together. Things were lovey, and we discussed living together again in December. then around November, I broke up with him because I cant deal with the fact that he has a potential child that he does not care about or even want to know if the baby is his(exgf claims its his, but he wont get a DNA test and she doesnt want him in the childs life, according to him). He says he doesnt want to pay child support (cant "afford" it) and doesnt feel he needs a test because he believes the baby IS his. I went into a severe depression and decided I wanted him back in my life. things were lovey- He said he was going to start saving for an engagement ring when he got his tax return. Sex life was great. Then, AGAIN.....lovey started going away. He did not start saving for a ring (and got angry when I asked if he had started saving). sex is now every 2 weeks at most. and when discussing living together this fall, now were not on the same page at all. and he doesnt seem to care that our relationship isnt progressing. Ive been expressing my needs and desires, and he just doesnt seem to care. He has ended up mooching off my family and I several times. Even just as recent as the other day. Even though Ive tried to stop giving him so much (which enables him), i bought him dinner and surprised him with it. then, later that night, he said he really wanted cake and when we went to the store, he made me pay for it. I never said I would and certainly wasnt expecting to. Ive been paying for us to go out to movies and he has an entitled attitude, and got angry with me because we didnt see the movie he wanted to see (after we had to leave my senior nursing ball because HE didnt want to dance). in his defense, he has paid for his part at times when we go out to dinner and always drives when we go places together. He claims he wants to go to grad school, but is unmotivated and still working at a gas station, claiming he cant work fulltime and go to grad school (which is BS, grad school programs are practically designed for fulltime employees. and PLENTY of people do it, too). SO....Is it normal to have these issues? Am I just spinning my wheels here? Have I been blind to the signs all along? I still dont like the fact he wont get a DNA test, is unmotivated, cheap, clearly doesnt want the same things I do..I mean, am I wrong here? Should I be upset? I feel like im so twisted, like maybe he is right and Im overreacting? Edited April 24, 2012 by soinlovewithtwo
january2011 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Normality is relative. In this situation, in my opinion, what's important is whether or not your values align and you both have the same long-term goals. They don't. You don't. Ditch him. He's not going to be good for your emotional or financial health. You've been with this guy for 16 months and somehow he's managed to father a child in that period, that might or might not be his. You can't seem to live together. Sex is non-existent. This is as non-relationship. I'm sorry. You deserve better. 1
Author soinlovewithtwo Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 Normality is relative. In this situation, in my opinion, what's important is whether or not your values align and you both have the same long-term goals. They don't. You don't. Ditch him. He's not going to be good for your emotional or financial health. You've been with this guy for 16 months and somehow he's managed to father a child in that period, that might or might not be his. You can't seem to live together. Sex is non-existent. This is as non-relationship. I'm sorry. You deserve better. the child is from a relationship that was before ours. The child was born last February. Ive heard its "normal" in long term relationships to have a decreased sex life.. Ive never been in a relationship more than 8 months before this, so I dont really know what is "fixable" and what is just incompatibility. But, this relationship feels wrong. Ive thought hes been cheating, though he denies it. and I, myself, have wondered if theres someone better. obviously things are not going too well... and thank you, I hope there IS better
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