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If they say ''I cheated'' while drunk is that true?

Searchforthetruth

By Searchforthetruth
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Searchforthetruth Member

Searchforthetruth

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That is what my fiancee (well soon to be ex if this is indeed true) told me last week while drunk and in anger.

 

Her exact words were: ''I cheated on you once long ago, you have no idea what guilt feels like''

 

The following day, I confronted her about it but she takes it back and claims about saying random things when drunk. Now she has me wondering if something really went wrong before I proposed.

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Searchforthetruth Member

Searchforthetruth

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I have not found any evidence of her a possible cheating. I went through her facebook and other email accounts (even checked her cell phone) but nothing.

So I'm stuck. Or do people say things like that out of anger when intoxicated? What are the chances that what she told me in that state of mind was true? The chances that it's false and she was talking nonsense?

Nextlane Established Member

Nextlane

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Most likely true, why else would she say it?

 

I'd suggest you sit down and have a serious conversation with her.

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Searchforthetruth Member

Searchforthetruth

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I did and she denied it, kept telling me that she was just drunk and didn't know what she was saying.

drifter777 Established Member

drifter777

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I have not found any evidence of her a possible cheating. I went through her facebook and other email accounts (even checked her cell phone) but nothing.

So I'm stuck. Or do people say things like that out of anger when intoxicated? What are the chances that what she told me in that state of mind was true? The chances that it's false and she was talking nonsense?

 

Dude, alcohol is like truth serum. She told you the truth and when she sobered up she panicked and is trying to cover it up.

 

She cheated on you. Period. You can't find the evidence because she is way ahead of you and has erased it. If you keep digging you may find something damning that will help you get her to verify what she did so keep looking. Another thing that may get her to be honest with you is to tell her that if she tells you the truth now she gets a pass but if you find out later that it's true than you are gone, gone, gone. If it works and she tells you about it you have a golden opportunity to dump her now before you get in any deeper. I say this because you aren't married yet and the huge amount of work it will take to even begin to trust her again is simply not worth it. Go out and live your life. You'll find someone better.

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veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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NOBODY would randomly blurt out "I cheated on you" (even when drunk) if it wasn't true. She absolutely cheated on you.:(

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Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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I agree with Veggirl. She could have said 1 of a thousand different things to say to you while drunk and angry and be just as cruel...i.e. You're terrible in the sack, you have a small Mr. Happy. I've never orgasimed with you....all of which cuts deeply into the male ego and all women KNOW this! So why choose to say I cheated on you?

 

At the VERY least, call off the wedding. You can't go up to the alter when you have doubts. If she gets pissed, well she only has herself to blame.

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Searchforthetruth Member

Searchforthetruth

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Then this leaves me no choice but to cancel the wedding, breaking up with her and going NC.

 

Status: soon to be single again:(

 

If she cheated, I think it could have been a random ONS with a guy she was never going to see again. This must be the reason I still can't find any evidence. Either that or like another poster suggested, she's being sneaky about it.

 

Still the thought of the OM (whether it was an ongoing affair or ONS, etc) doing the deed with her is something I'll never overcome. If she loves me, why would she give herself to the OM? If she cared about me as claim why would she share something private with OM?

 

As I'm writing this, I have a real bad feeling there must be more to it than what she told me. How long it happen? Did the guy knew me? How many times he screw here? Why? Is it still happening that I'm not aware of?

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Searchforthetruth Member

Searchforthetruth

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I'm feeling nauseous about this whole scene I'm imagining right now.:sick::sick::(

 

I really thought she was the one. I wouldn't have continue being with her if I didn't see a future.

 

Now I feel as if she wasted my time (something I would never do to a woman) and lied to my face about how I was the one and everything is ok when it wasn't.

 

If she cheated it meant there is no relationship anymore. Yet she couldn't break up with me instead.

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drifter777 Established Member

drifter777

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I'm feeling nauseous about this whole scene I'm imagining right now.:sick::sick::(

 

I really thought she was the one.

 

Those of us that have lived your pain understand exactly what you are feeling. Thank your lucky stars that you don't have any kids to complicate the issue and add to your pain. Nothing will make this magically go away, but putting one foot in front of the other with the knowledge that you will feel better every day will help. By contrast, staying with someone you no longer trust or respect will be a living hell with no end in sight. Walk away and know you are doing the right thing for you.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Personally, I think you might be jumping the gun. I would definately cancel the wedding. Talk to her and ask her about it again. If she swears that she didn't cheat then ask her to take a polygraph. If she didn't cheat then she would have nothing to worry about. She should pass with flying colors. But, you're going to go into a LIFELONG commitment with her and you don't take marriage lightly. You don't want to enter a marriage that is based on a lie.

 

If she doesn't agree to a polygraph....well, then I think you got your answer and it was probably a ONS.

 

Ball is in your court, dude.

drifter777 Established Member

drifter777

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Personally, I think you might be jumping the gun. I would definately cancel the wedding. Talk to her and ask her about it again. If she swears that she didn't cheat then ask her to take a polygraph. If she didn't cheat then she would have nothing to worry about. She should pass with flying colors. But, you're going to go into a LIFELONG commitment with her and you don't take marriage lightly. You don't want to enter a marriage that is based on a lie.

 

If she doesn't agree to a polygraph....well, then I think you got your answer and it was probably a ONS.

 

Ball is in your court, dude.

 

I strongly disagree that he is jumping the gun. A clean break as soon as possible is the least painful course of action. Giving any credence to her retracting her statement when she sobered up is a big mistake. As I said earlier, alcohol is a truth serum. She admitted to cheating and OP is devastated. They're not married yet. I don't understand why anyone would continue to pursue a relationship with a cheater in these circumstances.

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Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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I strongly disagree that he is jumping the gun. A clean break as soon as possible is the least painful course of action. Giving any credence to her retracting her statement when she sobered up is a big mistake. As I said earlier, alcohol is a truth serum. She admitted to cheating and OP is devastated. They're not married yet. I don't understand why anyone would continue to pursue a relationship with a cheater in these circumstances.

 

 

Then, we agree to disagree..

 

Like I said, Balls in his court.

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Searchforthetruth Member

Searchforthetruth

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I think her drunken statement says it all. What more do I need to dig up for more sources when she admitted it herself, only to suddenly deny it?

 

It's going to really be a tough break-up but I can't be living in distrust. I don't know what to tell both my family and hers when I break it off.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Thank god she said it before you actually married her.

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Searchforthetruth Member

Searchforthetruth

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I'm depressed. Until I find yet another woman I can trust enough to propose again it's going to take time since I would have to start from zero again.

 

I guess I'll go single for the meantime. I'm not ready to start dating again, at least not right away after I cancel it. Not for a while.

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Searchforthetruth Member

Searchforthetruth

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Thank god she said it before you actually married her.
Yeah if you call that a confession. It sucks that she would have probably never told me if not drunk.:mad::(

 

In a way it wasn't even a sincere confession: the one where you say it because out of guilt and it's the right thing instead of saying it because you drank too much while raising your voice.

 

But don't think it matters. The outcome would have been the same: a break-up either way.

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Pyro Established Member

Pyro

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I agree that she would not have said unless she did do something.

 

I know it is going to hurt and as much as its going to suck you are going to have to cut ties with her and move on. Once that trust has been hurt it is very difficult to gain back and you don't owe it to yourself to go through the stress of wondering all the time if she is remaining faithful to you.

 

As much as it sucks this is the best thing to have happened to you. From what I hear getting a divorce is very expensive and a long process and you can avoid that.

 

Hang in there and I promise you that life does and will get better after a break-up.

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

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  1. If she cheated, break the wedding.
  2. If she didn't cheat and would be cruel enough to lie about it, break the wedding.

Alcohol is not an excuse for bad behaviour to the degree of abusiveness.

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ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

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Its hard to say if you would have been better of if she never said anything or now having to cancel your impending wedding without any real evidence & not being 100% sure. I reckon you would be living in blissful ignorance otherwise. I agree with the others here, that she inadvertantly told the truth in a flash of anger with her mind not being censored thanks to the booze and is now trying to write it off as just a drunken rant. Forget the FB evidence, she said it was a long time ago. It would be ideal if you could find supporting evidence but not likely unless you can confront some of her friends and hope they spill the truth if they know.

I would really hate to hear something like from my fiance. My mind would be spinning over what to do. If it was me I would treat her drunken confession as truth. If I was crazy in love with the girl and felt I could forgive and live past it, I would go ahead with the marriage. If it wasn't that way, I'd cancel it and would have no qualms telling my family and hers that she confessed to cheating on me and she's history and its all her own doing.

MatthewRogers Member

MatthewRogers

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waiiiiiiit.. dont make any decisions yet. LISTEN TO ME... i say dumb stuff drunk to piss people off even if it isnt the truth. my girlfriend says stuff she doesnt mean when shes angry. TALK TO HER FACE TO FACE and look at her right in the eye.. REALLY get into it... dont miss a chance of a lifetime by all of these insecure people on here that always post negative things... trust me. maybe she did but maybe she didnt. trust is key.. dont jump to conclusions... can you answer mine too?

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melodymatters Established Member

melodymatters

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I don't want to weigh in here too heavily, but I do have a friend who was so hurt by some of her BF's statements, she said in anger that she never loved him and that she had cheated on him when she had not done so.

 

 

Did this take place during an argument ? It's for sure that there are problems here, somewhere, but personally, I wouldn't take it at face value unless I had other suspicions.............

 

 

When IS the wedding ? If it's next year, say, you have time to figure out the real deal.............

g450 Established Member

g450

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I don't want to weigh in here too heavily, but I do have a friend who was so hurt by some of her BF's statements, she said in anger that she never loved him and that she had cheated on him when she had not done so.

 

 

Did this take place during an argument ? It's for sure that there are problems here, somewhere, but personally, I wouldn't take it at face value unless I had other suspicions.............

 

 

When IS the wedding ? If it's next year, say, you have time to figure out the real deal.............

 

Whether it was true or not is now irrelavent. Would you want to be married to a person that would say something so hurtful? I know I wouldnt.

 

And IIRC she did not say this out of anger. She said it because the alcohol was working as a truth agent. She most likely did have an affair.

 

She did him a favor. He dodged a bullet.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Hey Search! Did you break it off yet?

Lucky_One Established Member

Lucky_One

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That is what my fiancee (well soon to be ex if this is indeed true) told me last week while drunk and in anger.

 

He says she DID say it in anger.

 

I sometimes shoot my mouth off when I drink, and I believe that my H does it, too. Like one night, I wasn't being very laudatory about something he did at work, and he got all pissed off and told me that I was an unsupportive work wife and a bitch.

 

I took it as the ravings of a drunk man whose feelings were hurt and who wanted to hurt me back in return.

 

I have said that I have hated him, when I don't REALLY (but for that 5 seconds I am awfully damn close).

 

The bad thing is that if this IS true, and the ramification for being truthful is losing the man she loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with, then she will continue to lie about it. And to my mind, there are times in relationships when cheating is more easily forgiven than at others. So if you make her confession one in which you give her a feeling of safety that you will not automatically break up with her forever, but can give a chance of working on the issues and understanding why the cheating happened, then she may feel that she can tell you about it.

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