irc333 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I have come across a few people there that purposely keep their sig. others hidden or don't prefer to talk about them. I've seen some women go to outings, and through the years I've known them, NEVER seen them bring their sig. other with them., which I find kind of strange, because those who are dating someone exclusively, are proud to bring their sig others with them, at least once in a while. I've known some people that didn't realize their friends even HAD a spouse or girlfriend until they found out a year late.r So why the secret?
stillafool Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 They may feel it's no ones business but their own. Some people don't talk about their SOs because they don't want to hear negative feedback. The less people involved in their business, the better their relationship with SO. 1
Author irc333 Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 They may feel it's no ones business but their own. Some people don't talk about their SOs because they don't want to hear negative feedback. The less people involved in their business, the better their relationship with SO. I have to go with the "seeking other options", they probably don't want to have to admit , publicly, that they are soley with someone. One time I asked a woman out, and she said she's seeing someonen, but is open to go going out with friends? I was kind of leary on this, because I'm just old-fashioned that way, and said, "Oh, you think that would be fair or okay with him?" And she got pissy with me, and said something like she doesn't need to have anyone's permission on who she socializes with. IT's odd, because I've yet to meet her boyfriend. I guess she got defensive because she thought I was questioning her loyalty to her boyfriend.
FrustratedStandards Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 It's not a secret necessarily, but if you don't ever include your SO in outings, it means you are not serious enough with them. You want to keep your options open and don't want to scare off potential mates. I've done this before, that's how I know. If you are dating someone but don't see it getting serious, or if it's serious already but you don't see it going to the next step, or if you're plain bored and want something new, you look for other options. In the mean way of saying it: waiting for something better to come along. Otherwise, if you were proud of your SO and really loved them, you would show them off and make sure everyone knew you were an item.
threebyfate Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Another vote for keeping options open, as well as the caveat of uncertainty.
zengirl Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Seems like they aren't truly committed to their SOs. Of course, there is a time and a place for privacy, but that's not privacy --- that's hiding.
veggirl Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Yes I agree with keeping options open. Or, the SO has done some awful thing to them (cheated repeatedly or something) and other people know about it, so they are embarrassed to admit / acknowledge they are still with a terrible person.
dasein Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 In many cases the reason you don't see them together socially is they like to do different things and take social times as needed time apart. Honestly I don't know how people in marriages and LTRs do it, I start to get antsy after spending a week in close proximity with someone, esp sleeping in bed every night. I guess people just habituate to it. 1
zengirl Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 In many cases the reason you don't see them together socially is they like to do different things and take social times as needed time apart. Honestly I don't know how people in marriages and LTRs do it, I start to get antsy after spending a week in close proximity with someone, esp sleeping in bed every night. I guess people just habituate to it. Well, that can be true sometimes. Hubby and I often go out separate, but we attend events with each other and are not (well I'm not and I hope he's not) acting like we "don't prefer to talk about each other." I think 24/7 is far too often to spend with one person, but I don't spend anywhere near that with hubby. Both of us take time to do things on our own, but that's not the same thing as pretending the other doesn't exist or, say, never bringing your SO to the company Christmas party or introducing them to your friends or something. So, it really depends on what the OP means. I don't take it to mean that they're simply not joined at the hip. 1
firehawk_1 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 (edited) I have come across a few people there that purposely keep their sig. others hidden or don't prefer to talk about them. I've seen some women go to outings, and through the years I've known them, NEVER seen them bring their sig. other with them., which I find kind of strange, because those who are dating someone exclusively, are proud to bring their sig others with them, at least once in a while. I've known some people that didn't realize their friends even HAD a spouse or girlfriend until they found out a year late.r So why the secret? its so they can cheat and see what else is "better" out there. (on the same note, you then keep hearing "oh why cant I find anyone decent?" and its right in front of them) its game playing. and deamining. no such thing as commitment or devlotion these days....you cant really justify it other way. simple. anyone who does really, doesnt know any better Edited April 24, 2012 by firehawk_1
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Are we talking about relationship status on FB? Because that's usually OP's focus. He tends to get very nosy with women about their statuses. Also, he's obviously not spending 24/7 with these women, so how does he know that they never bring their SO to social gatherings? All of my close friends and family know about my SO, but he is not displayed on my FB and I don't bring him to social events, although the latter is admittedly impossible given that he's deployed. I'd be quite offended if someone told me that the reason I don't have "In a Relationship" on my FB (I have NO status in that regard) or that I keep the details of my relationship close to my vest, because I'm keeping my options open. I most certainly am not. I just don't feel like it's everyone's business to know the details of my relationship, and when you put it out there on display in any way, it seems to make people think it's open season to ask and be nosy. 1
spookie Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 What kinds of displays are we talking about? If it's FB, some people just prefer to keep that private. I think it's immature and attention-whorey when people keep a public record of their love life. If it's work/ networking events, some just like their privacy and would prefer not to be the subject of gossip amongst colleagues. I view the choice not to discuss your love life at work, as protective of the relationship. If it's more personal aspects of their lives (friends/ family), I agree the intent is to keep options open.
zengirl Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Are we talking about relationship status on FB? Because that's usually OP's focus. Oh, FB statuses tell absolutely nothing in general. I would be suspicious if I were dating someone and they didn't want to change their FB status from "single" (if it said single) or made a huge fuss about any associations with me on FB or something -- if they seemed to have a fixation with maintaining a "Single" image -- but really that's rare. I know many people who are married or dating or whatever and just don't list statuses there. I don't find that telling, especially if they have a professional image online, etc. All of my close friends and family know about my SO, but he is not displayed on my FB and I don't bring him to social events, although the latter is admittedly impossible given that he's deployed. Would you bring him to social events if it were possible? I assume most people would bring their SOs to events that you typically bring an SO to (in most cases -- sometimes someone is busy, sick, deployed, etc, of course).
threebyfate Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Why has FB been dragged into this thread? The opening post doesn't mention anything about it. There isn't even any reference to relationship status.
wow04 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 My ex-husband and I did very little together. To be honest I was emabarrassed to take him anywhere. He was always so negative and I didn't want to hear it. All of this is why he is an ex.
Author irc333 Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 In many cases the reason you don't see them together socially is they like to do different things and take social times as needed time apart. Honestly I don't know how people in marriages and LTRs do it, I start to get antsy after spending a week in close proximity with someone, esp sleeping in bed every night. I guess people just habituate to it. Well, I finally drawn the conclusion she was completely unattached, when she attended a holiday party without her boyfriend. It was a party being held by the group that does outdoor activities, but it was a social gathering of the same group. I figured that, at that time, she couldn't possibly have a man in that case....that's when I approached her to ask her out, but said she was seeing a guy, but was okay with going out with others as friends....and I was like "huh, you sure that's okay with him?" I talked with other people in the group that knew her, yes....even female friends of hers that asked the same question as I had, the same answer in their wishy-washy relationship still was the outcome, same answer, asked by a unbiased party.
Author irc333 Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 Are we talking about relationship status on FB? Nope, this topic has nothing to do with "Facebook Relationship Statuses". I inquired about her availability status through email correspondence.
oaks Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 I have come across a few people there that purposely keep their sig. others hidden or don't prefer to talk about them. You're sure this is a deliberate action? Well, it could be that they are keeping their options open, as others have suggested. You say you've "come across" these few people - how well do you actually know them? Could it also be that they haven't shared details of their personal lives with you because you don't really know these people as well as you thought and, when you find out that they have partners, you are interpreting this as a deliberate attempt to keep everyone in the dark? 1
Carlos S Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 I guess some people like their privacy, and don't want to become an item of gossip. I'm kinda like that too. If I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't talk about our relationship all the time. But never your S.O. to social settings would be quite unusual
january2011 Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 They may feel it's no ones business but their own. Some people don't talk about their SOs because they don't want to hear negative feedback. The less people involved in their business, the better their relationship with SO. This is me. I suggested to my LDR that if we have problems, we'll talk about them together. We're big enough and ugly enough to be sensible about it without bringing other people into our relationship. It's tough, but I want my SO to be my confidante, not someone else. Luckily, he seems to feel the same way. While it's good to talk, I think we live too much in a culture of confessionals and 'sharing' information that really needs to be private - Google I'm looking at you. However, there needs to be a balance. Unless you are interested in someone, what business is it of yours whether they have an SO or not? What is your ulterior motive for wanting to have that information? On another note, some people also like to keep their SOs separate from their friendship circles and I think that's up to them. They're adults and it seems a little presumptious to think that there is some sinister ulterior motive.
EasyHeart Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 I think there are just different relationship styles. Some people like to be attached at the hip to their partner. Others like a really loose connection. Most people are somewhere in between. I tend towards the loose end of the spectrum and so do the women with whom I've had successful relationships. I get very uncomfortable with the clingier variety of women. My girlfriend is pretty similar; at least she's never complained about my not spending enough time with her. I have some things I like to do on my own, and so does she. We go out without each other sometimes and we go out together sometimes. It all depends. For instance, I'm a huge football fan and in the Fall and Winter I often get together with my football-friends to watch or go to games. Most of my girlfriends haven't shared that interest, so that's something I'd do on my own. My current GF, though, loves football and I'd bring her along to hang with the guys and it was fun. It actually got to the point where they'd ask me if she was coming along and be really disappointed if she wasn't. (Though she's a Packers fan. That puts an awful lot of stress on our relationship and I'm not sure I could ever truly love a Cheeser. Jes sayin'). The one place I never talk about my relationship status is at work. That's because (1) I don't want people gossiping about me, which happened in the past when I wasn't secretive; and (2) I get a lot of pressure from my colleagues (and even more from some of their wives) to "settle down" and get married. Neither of those is very much fun. (At this point, I'm pretty sure half my office thinks I'm gay, which is perfectly fine with me). So I never take my girlfriends to work-related functions in order to avoid those problems. I've also found that I enjoy work functions a lot more when I'm solo because I can spend all of my time talking to and meeting other people, rather than having to worry about whether my SO is having a good time.
stillafool Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 This is me. I suggested to my LDR that if we have problems, we'll talk about them together. We're big enough and ugly enough to be sensible about it without bringing other people into our relationship. It's tough, but I want my SO to be my confidante, not someone else. Luckily, he seems to feel the same way. While it's good to talk, I think we live too much in a culture of confessionals and 'sharing' information that really needs to be private - Google I'm looking at you. However, there needs to be a balance. Unless you are interested in someone, what business is it of yours whether they have an SO or not? What is your ulterior motive for wanting to have that information? On another note, some people also like to keep their SOs separate from their friendship circles and I think that's up to them. They're adults and it seems a little presumptious to think that there is some sinister ulterior motive. I agree. When I met my husband neither of us told our friends about each other for months. In our minds we just hung a sign above the door that said "Don't Disturb this Groove". It was blissful. 1
january2011 Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 In our minds we just hung a sign above the door that said "Don't Disturb this Groove". It was blissful. I love it! What a great way to put it.
Author irc333 Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 There was this one female friend, had known her for years.....went stag all the time to events with other friends....then all of a sudden her FB status changed to "married" I never even knew she was DATING someone. Turns outs he married her ex-husband out of convenience.
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