Is this way of thinking unique to guys?

[dasein]

The female equivalent of this is a woman who says she is amazingly attracted to her bf, he makes great money, he is nice to her, they have a great time together, and she'll never have it as good as she does with him, but she still wants to dump him.

 

And I have NEVER heard a woman say this.

 

Of course you haven't heard it. Of course they aren't going to come out and say that, women aren't honest enough generally to do that. They will rationalize some fault out of thin air in their BF and relationship when the BBD presents itself. I've had two women in my life who were very happy in our relationships. Guy worth millions comes along and gives some interest, suddenly "dasein, what's wrong with us? something has been wrong lately." This from women who were asking for marriage literally 48 hours before. What was wrong was that the sight of a pile of money was making their p-ssy wet. I had no idea what was going on until after the breakup due to there being "something wrong" and then seeing them toadying up to Mr. Big.

 

Blessedly, both of them got dumped after Mr. Big got tired of them. One tried to come back to me, calls every six months to this day, I'm always very polite and have to go 5 minutes into the call. To preempt, these aren't low quality women, just average women. Women are the primary "upgraders," not men.

 

So in a sense you are correct, when women want to upgrade or have GIGS, they are never going to be honest and fess up in the same way OP is.

 

It happens all the time. Look at all these women who say they can't find anything wrong with their husbands but still want a divorce. I am not trying to say all women are like this but stop acting like it is just men that do this. Men get blamed for a lot that in reality both genders are guilty of.

 

Exactly, women are no better than men, and in terms of upgrading and always looking for the BBD, so much worse. So much so that it's odd to see a post such as OP's, it's almost always a female poster.

 

To OP, you aren't mature enough to be in an exclusive, adult relationship. That's not meant to say you are a bad person, you just haven't had enough experience to know to hold a good thing when you got it, they are so very very rare, especially if you live in the US. Break up with your GF and go have fun, you may look back on this as a huge mistake. Know, though, that even though the sea is full of fish, lots of them are trash fish today. If you really have a good thing, consider keeping it and writing off your current feelings to childishness that we are all capable of no matter our age.

[soserious1]

Hopefully we have evolved beyond caveman days. They also clubbed each other over the head and wore nothing but leaves but I don't see too many people promoting that.

 

I'm certainly not "promoting" the idea, I'm trying to explain where this spring time urge originated. Understanding our deeply rooted biological wiring is the 1st step in controlling the impulses they produce.

 

The OP isn't "bad" for having these natural urges & as long as he keeps them in check & behaves in an honorable fashion no harm comes to anyone.

[Woggle]

I do agree with the person who said that women will give you much more attention when you are already in a relationship. Just keep this in mind. Many men not getting this fact will stupidly break up with a good woman and then discover once they are no longer taken that their prospects are not that good.

[TheSingleGuy]

Dasein,

 

Man, I always appreciate your input. So, these women were seriously bringing up marriage and then 48 hours they were dumping you???

 

Amazing.

 

My plan after the divorce was to just date women for a few months at a time and then move on. The time has come with this one, but I do feel that she's better than all the other women I've dated.

[zengirl]

Of course, GIGS is not only an occurrence in the minds of men. Men and women both get GIGS -- it may exhibit itself in different ways that are more often seen in one gender or the other, but we're really talking the same thing. Not many men OR women I know personally do this; it's a character issue, not a gender issue.

 

If someone is often experiencing GIGS --- not just as a passing thought from time to time --- it is a sign of immaturity, IMO. It can also be real problems in the relationship that have developed and been ignored over time (this happens often with marriages and LTRs where issues are continually repressed), but that doesn't sound like the OP's issue.

 

I will say I've never heard a woman use the phrase, "Boyfriend season." That term seems to be unique to men, in terms of my experience. And generally women get GIGS more likely for a desire to trade up (either specifically or in general) whereas many men, the OP included, seem to get it just for variety in general, not necessarily for something 'better'. That is a function of the way men and women are still socialized differently. Neither is more or less productive to forming a functioning relationship, and neither mindset particularly bothers me.

 

It's easy enough to avoid such people if you learn how to, and people are welcome to want what they want in relationships. Many people don't see relationships of a few months as anything of any significance at all and dropping it wouldn't be a big deal --- I disagree with that and don't want to be around such people, let alone date them, but it's their right to be that way just as it's my right to find it distasteful. C'est la vie. It takes all kinds.

[musemaj11]

exactly. it's funny how people always use the "it's biology, I can't help it"-excuse, but watch how all those "it's nature"-ramblings would go out the window if you asked them to go without such unnatural things like tvs, cars, computers, phones etc.

You dont sound very smart.

 

TVs, cars, and computers have nothing to do with human biology.

[LZ2000]

Many people don't see relationships of a few months as anything of any significance at all and dropping it wouldn't be a big deal --- I disagree with that and don't want to be around such people, let alone date them.

 

I find that this is one of the best sentences I've ever read for the past few months ! Thanks.

[dasein]

So, these women were seriously bringing up marriage and then 48 hours they were dumping you???

 

Yes, both, but there's a bit more to it. They didn't just dump first, they tried to get me angry and make me do it by saying dishonest, irrational things to get a reaction over a couple of weeks. There really wasn't any breakup, on reflection, just a string of lies and then a couple days later, "well I guess that's it then," not even doing me the dignity of simply stating "I want to break up." One said things like "well you know we haven't had sex in weeks," when we had had sex just three nights prior and several times over the prior weeks. "We don't talk as much any more," when we had been talking at least three times a day on the phone the entirety of the relationship. Truth or fiction doesn't matter one bit, once she gets set on upgrading, they will say literally anything to shift the blame. Good on you for being honest and not doing that.

 

The other one said things like "we just went too fast," when it was always her who wanted to talk marriage, I never started it. There isn't an eyeroll icon big enough for when you see their FB pics on romantic trips with Mr. Big less than a week after the breakup.

 

Well since you have made your decision, good luck, I hope you don't come to regret it.

[persevere]

I do agree with the person who said that women will give you much more attention when you are already in a relationship. Just keep this in mind. Many men not getting this fact will stupidly break up with a good woman and then discover once they are no longer taken that their prospects are not that good.

 

I've noticed this personally. If you're out with a woman, far more other women pay attention. It seems even when I'm alone, other women 'sense' that wnen I'm in a relationship. It can trick a man's mind into thinking the market is rich. Better to stay loyal and see where it goes.

[Negative Nancy]

TVs, cars, and computers have nothing to do with human biology.

 

indeed, they have nothing to do with human nature. which was exactly my point of course, i did not expect you to get it

[danny in van]

++++this whole evolutionary psychology is just a bunch of garbage++++

 

Well said.

 

if it's garbage then let's hear a more convincing theory on why men like variety/quantity etc.

 

I didn't know this theory has been conclusively shot down by an academically superior one. Enlighten me...

[LZ2000]

They didn't just dump first, they tried to get me angry and make me do it by saying dishonest, irrational things to get a reaction over a couple of weeks. There really wasn't any breakup, on reflection, just a string of lies and then a couple days later, "well I guess that's it then," not even doing me the dignity of simply stating "I want to break up." One said things like "well you know we haven't had sex in weeks," when we had had sex just three nights prior and several times over the prior weeks. "We don't talk as much any more," when we had been talking at least three times a day on the phone the entirety of the relationship. Truth or fiction doesn't matter one bit, once she gets set on upgrading, they will say literally anything to shift the blame.

 

Sounds like what I have been through as well. And it is a real low dirty trick.

[musemaj11]

indeed, they have nothing to do with human nature. which was exactly my point of course, i did not expect you to get it

Then using a computer or watching a TV is not against human nature.

 

Human nature is related to psychological urges such wanting to eat, wanting sex, getting sad, getting angry, wanting variety, wanting to trade up, etc.

[mtber75]

I've been seeing this girl for several months now. She is really perfect. If I were to break up with her, I'd seriously struggle to find another girl as good as her. She really is perfect for me. I am really in love with her.

 

But now that boyfriend season is over, I've got SO MUCH opportunity with lots of other women. None of the these other women would be in her league, but, still, I'm really tempted to dump the perfect girl to be single again and see all these other women.

 

Do women think this way too? Or is this strictly a male way of thinking?

 

You'll have more opportunities because more women will find it safer to approach you because your a "taken" guy. Once you become single, these women will run and play the same games again...Its weird how women think?

[xxoo]

Taking a wonderful partner for granted is not limited to men or women.

 

Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it!

[wwwjd]

Exactly. Sadly, 99% of men think this way, so it's better not to get involved with any man, they're all gonna cheat anyway.

 

woohooO! I'm still in the 1% club!! Yea me!

[wwwjd]

Better to stay loyal and see where it goes.

 

"Loyal".... pfffff. That's soooo 80s

[Nextlane]

I'd say a person needs to go through every possible relationship before they know what they want. I've been through one of the worst and just need to find another girl whose been through a similar situation.

 

Sometimes, people don't know how good they had it until its gone...

[mostlyclueless]

This isn't unique to guys, but it probably is more common in them.

[gotye]

Men are attracted to quantity while women are attracted to quality.

 

Men will jump to someone 'newer' while women will jump to someone 'better'.

 

i bet it happens to both genders.

[Ruby Slippers]

I have plenty of female friends who are the same way. I think it's not till the "oh crap I might die alone" feelings kick in hard core that the more restless, commitment-avoiding types start thinking about settling down.

[musemaj11]

i bet it happens to both genders.

Just like rain happens in both USA and Saudi Arabia. Except it happens far more frequently in one than the other.

[mickleb]

My plan after the divorce was to just date women for a few months at a time and then move on. The time has come with this one, but I do feel that she's better than all the other women I've dated.

 

Sounds like this is about your plan going off-road, OP. You might be aware that you're not ready to settle again, after the divorce. It doesn't matter how perfect your lady is if you don't want a committed relationship. Obviously, you take the risk of being free and single for much longer than you 'plan' to, if you give up such a good thing, though. You could go aeons without finding another close to her, and not want to settle for just anyone, even when you're super-ready to commit again.

 

I suggest you reassess what you want. Forget the 'plan' but dig deep and be honest. Do you want what a committed relationship has to offer, or would you prefer to be free? Try not to act on the impulses of your hormones, though.

 

To OP, you aren't mature enough to be in an exclusive, adult relationship. That's not meant to say you are a bad person, you just haven't had enough experience to know to hold a good thing when you got it, they are so very very rare, especially if you live in the US. Break up with your GF and go have fun, you may look back on this as a huge mistake. Know, though, that even though the sea is full of fish, lots of them are trash fish today. If you really have a good thing, consider keeping it and writing off your current feelings to childishness that we are all capable of no matter our age.

 

There's truth here and also my new favourite phrase: "trash fish"!

[mesmerized]

But women dump or divorce a guy because they think there's something actually wrong with the original guy... they don't look at someone and say "wow he's perfect!" and yet STILL want to ditch him.

 

That seems to be uniquely male, the whole "play the field" thing.

 

Playing the field is not unique to men but rather more common among men.

[TheBigQuestion]

About 5 years ago, my ex and I broke up even though there really wasn't anything "wrong" with our relationship. She was definitely a very good girlfriend, but I still wanted out. Why? I was sick of being in a relationship. I was 20, I had been with her since I was 17, and I simply wasn't convinced that she was the "one." I had been strongly contemplating breaking up with her and it was by sheer dumb luck that we ended up breaking up mutually. I gave up a good thing because I valued my autonomy and the opportunity to be single and "play the field." I had some mild to moderate annoyances about our relationship, but there was nothing majorly wrong. But that fact coupled with my need for total independence guided my decision. I was 20 years old and I was going to a major state school, the easiest age and environment in which to meet all sorts of women. I'm not sure I would be so cavalier in getting rid of a good thing in my life now, at age 25, but back then, it seemed like a good idea.

 

Whether I should have broken up with her was "the big question" which became my name on LS, as I had come here for advice on the situation. Back then, you didn't have to register your name in order to post. Ahh memories.