Need fast! Crazy husband not agreeing to Settlement - going to court on Thursday

[jennifer54]

My husband has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That means he has no ability to empathize. We've been married for 22 years and he is extremely controlling. My lawyer and I have been consistent in our approach to a Settlement Agreement, but my husband is all over the page.

 

We were in our 4th mediation last week. He started out screaming and spent the rest of the day crying. I filed for divorce, so in his mind I should be punished and he should keep all his money. In reality, he was the one who really wanted me gone, but not gone (In know that makes no sense, but he's nuts).

 

The issue is all about money - and control. He's losing control of me and his money. So, I really think he's honestly become delusional in his thinking. His lawyer has said that she's lost control of him.

 

We both owe our lawyers $30,000 each. We go to court on Thursday. If we have to go to trial it will easily cost a total of $80,000.

 

I need to send my husband an email expressing my concerns about our need to settle and the cost of trial. Any ideas about how to approach this?

[Owl]

You can't expect a rational decision out of an irrational person.

 

Has your H been officially diagnosed with NPD? Seems to me like you could get some kind of push to get this through with minimal input on his side, on the grounds that he's mentally unstable and incapable of making a rational decision in this matter.

 

If he's got a diagnosis...ask your lawyer what can be done on that front to protect you.

[jennifer54]

I was told years ago that he had a diagnosis of NPD. He's seeing a therapist now but I don't know what her DX is.

 

Maybe is state of mind can help us. I can talk to my lawyer about it.

 

I think he really is irrational and can't come to grips with the fact that he's losing me as well as his money. I'm nothing more than a possession - a possession that's walking out the door with his money. He complained about having to come up with the money for our marital home. I told him he could have decided to sell. He said since I started the divorce it was all my fault. Huh?

 

Last summer when we were politely discussing the possibility of divorce, he kept telling me that if we decided to do that he would make sure i was taken care of. He was basically pushing me out the door! In fact, our marriage counselor told us that he would do this - push me to file so he could be the winner (at least in his mind).

 

As to sending him an email, my lawyer suggested that it come from me (as did my therapist) to try to lessen the threatening tone.

 

The enormous amount of money comes from Arthur constantly calling his lawyer as if she is his mommy and we have to respond. My lawyer is fantastic. She's not dragging this on for the money.

 

I feel so helpless. I want to rid of this guy.