vroom Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Hi, mine is a very typical case. I have read a lot of posts here and I think I know what makes sense practically but somehow it's a little tough for me to do it now so recounting my story. If there is any kind of chance for optimism: Met this girl in college. Cheated with her on the ex. Finally, broke up with the ex and we started dating. I was going through a real tough phase in my life and under depression. That said nothing excuses cheating. Found her cheating on me after 2 years. Somehow we moved on. My depression got severe and I told her about my cheating and how I still longed for my ex. Again we moved in somehow. Sometime in my life I do not know when I hit the bottle real hard. Kept on mistreating her but we were still together. I moved to another city 6 hrs away. We decided on having a long distance realtionship. Said something real harsh and we had a major fight in Oct 2011. We technically broke up still talked everyday. Jan 2012 I told her that I met my ex casually on a flight. She blew the fuse. Now starts the real story: Met her for the first time in Jan 2012 after 3 months she hugged me and we decided to mutually break up. A week into that my ex and I started talking and she told me she is about to get married. This crushed something inside me. I contacted this girl and she comforted me for a pain which I do not know came from where. This time I asked her for another try, She said a big NO. We still spoke sometimes. One day taking a leaf out of romantic movies took a 6 hr train journey. She met me fr lunch and said pls. do not come again. No scope of anything. In Mar in an alcohol infused rage on a business trip I broke somethings in a hotel and my really Iphone. Became the laughing stock of co-workers. Called her again and she was still there to comfort me. Went to surprise her again (taking the 6 hr train journey)and she did not even meet me this time. Instead she started to cry very hard and that touched something inside me. Decided never to do that cowboy stuff again. Went to meet some friends to her city, she met for an hour and said it's over. We decided to speak for some days on the phone (Inside I know she did this because she feared my alcohol abuse most probably and not due to some remnant affection). She also told me she likes someone else now (Could be true or just a story to keep from doing these stupid antics). Now the thing is I wrote her an email on her personal id telling her that I night be moved to a real far away place forever. High chance she hasn't checked it. i addressed it to her personal id, did not want her to be troubled during work and as far as I know it's not going to be checked for another 10 days which might be too late anyways. The thing is: -- If I still call her asking for a favor she would do it. -- She even helped my brother when he needed help in all this. -- She cries for me. -- Whenever I have met her in the last few times she says why are your eyes so sad. -- I have decided not to call her because for once in my life I want to put her interests first. -- Sometime in Jan 2012 she said sometimes I love you sometimes I don't. Now she says I do not love you, I only care for you. Now all the readers are bound to say you selfish arrogant Basta** why do you still trouble her. But I think I love her. Not at the cost of her happiness of course. I have already sent my last mail and pretty soon even if I want to do all that stupid movies inspired idiot acts I will not be able to. Will be moving far far away?? But somewhere in my heart I feel there is still love and we ought to be together. Is it wrong just to be optimistic and hopeful that she might come back??
Philosoraptor Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I read much fear of moving on and of her moving on. It's normal to still have a strong attachment after a relationship endsm, but you both made the decision to end it. This relationship started off poorly and I could only imagine the trust issues here. It seems as if we have two people here who need time to themselves, to stop rebounding, and to take that time to mature and grow up. If you can't take care of yourself you can never truly take care of another. Work on yourself first and take all focus off of her. Fix your own issues and heal from this loss. Only then can you truly judge the situation because everything you've said reads out of fear, hurt, and lost attachment.
Mack05 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I read much fear of moving on and of her moving on. It's normal to still have a strong attachment after a relationship endsm, but you both made the decision to end it. This relationship started off poorly and I could only imagine the trust issues here. It seems as if we have two people here who need time to themselves, to stop rebounding, and to take that time to mature and grow up. If you can't take care of yourself you can never truly take care of another. Work on yourself first and take all focus off of her. Fix your own issues and heal from this loss. Only then can you truly judge the situation because everything you've said reads out of fear, hurt, and lost attachment. Still here, still TOTALLY AWESOME I see Philo. Great advice as always :bunny:
Author vroom Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 I don't think I was able to make my point. What I clearly wanted to ask. The thing is decisions are not in my hands anymore. Within the next 5 days maximum I will be shifted to a new location which is a 3 hour plane journey away (6 hour train journeys will become a thing of the past). I have this ray of hope telling me we might end up together. But if I am take this posting (which will be done unless I vehemently protest) I lose her forever. Is it wrong expecting her to come back? Should I wait and leave this job assignment. I don't want to feel I lost it for her, but I just wanted to wait so that IF (a big if) she might decide to come back I am there. What do I do? Should I crush all hope inside and move on or wait for a better tomorrow?
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