I Got This

[marqueemoon4]

Wow, what a long and difficult journey its been since May 2010 when my ex wife left. Without question the last 2yrs have been the most painful learning experience of my life, and many times I thought I wasn't gonna make it and give up. Well, I'm here to tell you that I'm still here.. I'm alive, and I'm a much stronger, better person for it. I've made some big mistakes and handled almost everything wrong the last 2yrs, but I'm now at a point where I can clearly see my mistakes and most importantly FORGIVE myself for what has happened.

 

I see what I must do.. a good analogy would be a pro sports team in a "rebuilding" phase.. its tough but it has to be done. Life is a blessing and I can no longer focus on the negative or beat myself up over the past. No more. I have so much going for me, and my confidence is getting stronger on a daily basis. I have taken my power back, for myself and for my son. I will always, always be there for him and will always strive to make his life as happy and stress free as possible. No child asks to be put in a situation like this, all you can do is make the best of the situation. My son loves me and looks up to me. I am his only father, and always will be.

 

100% focus on the future, my happiness, my boy, and the people who DO care about me (there are alot). Strength. Positivity. Love. These are things I want in my life, and nothing anyone else does will make me deviate from that. Free yourselves people.. I know its hell losing someone you love, but if you love yourself and open yourself to new possibilities you will remember the beauty and joy of being alive.

 

Let all the pain go. To all the wonderful people on this board who have been there with tough love and solid advice, I love ya all!

Edited April 24, 2012 by marqueemoon4

[xxSRMxx]

Thank you so much

[Mr Scorpio]

I've made some big mistakes and handled almost everything wrong the last 2yrs, but I'm now at a point where I can clearly see my mistakes and most importantly FORGIVE myself for what has happened.

 

So any tips on how you reached this point? Granted, I'm sure my mistakes were very different from yours, but any advice would be appreciated.

[xxSRMxx]

Yeah i'd like some tips...

 

Ive handled the past 3 weeks all wrong too! swore i was going NC, broke it, upset him his family, he now hates me and i have no choice but for NC....

[marqueemoon4]

Hmmm... tips. Honestly.. for me its just time. There is no point in feeling regret or guilt anymore. The past is gone.. things are the way they are. Do I wish I did things differently? Sure. Do I wish she had done things differently? Absolutely.

 

So what can be done? All that I can do is improve myself and learn from my mistakes... thats it. What she does is not my concern and it hasn't been since she left. She stopped being my wife months before she left. Does it sadden me that my son's mother is a cold, callous person? It definitely does.. but there is nothing I can do about that. She chose her path and yes, it has caused me and my son a ton of financial hardship and emotional pain. But at the end of the day, why would I want to be with someone like that? Someone who doesn't value me and doesn't care how much pain and suffering she has caused to me.. not to mention my family and friends that cared about her?

 

I deserve better than this person and I've always known that. I settled, plain and simple and this is the end result of that. Will I do it again? I certainly hope not, as there is no way I could go through something like this again. I highly doubt I will ever trust anyone 100% again, unfortunately. But really it comes down to a choice-- are you going to let your failed relationship ruin your life or are you going to cut your losses and make the best of what you have right now?

[Mr Scorpio]

Good advice, Moon. Not that dissimilar from what I would tell someone if they asked me a similar question, but I guess it's harder to tell those things to yourself? At any rate, thanks for posting that. I'm going to read it more than once.

[xxSRMxx]

Good advice, Moon. Not that dissimilar from what I would tell someone if they asked me a similar question, but I guess it's harder to tell those things to yourself? At any rate, thanks for posting that. I'm going to read it more than once.

 

Yeah me too....I worry too though, that I will never open my heart to anybody again, I think thats a shame.

[Exit]

Glad you are feeling better marquee. I've always found myself identifying with you through the various posts you made. Felt like I could relate to your situation and how bad it had you feeling for a while. I'm slowly starting to round this same corner, bit by bit I am loosening my grip and letting go of the past, even though part of me doesn't want to. I'm not yet into my rebuilding phase, but I do spend an awful lot of time thinking about it. I know I want to get my diet back on track, start exercising, enjoy the weather, be happy again, but I'm struggling to make the transition from thought to action. And I hate that sometimes when I start feeling good, it's a fleeting thing, and the next hour or day I am back to feeling down about everything that happened. Sounds like you are ready to move forward and I hope it goes well.

[marqueemoon4]

Yeah me too....I worry too though, that I will never open my heart to anybody again, I think thats a shame.

 

SRM I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm almost positive you will open your heart again. You'll just be far more vigilant on WHO you open it to. Don't speculate about how you will feel with another person in the future.. it'll just depress you further.

[xxSRMxx]

SRM I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm almost positive you will open your heart again. You'll just be far more vigilant on WHO you open it to. Don't speculate about how you will feel with another person in the future.. it'll just depress you further.

 

Im 25 so i guess i probably am probably being over the top making that claim but right now, i would hate to feel this way ever again.

[marqueemoon4]

Im 25 so i guess i probably am probably being over the top making that claim but right now, i would hate to feel this way ever again.

 

wow.. believe me (please) that this will eventually be a bump in the road. you're young and will meet alot of people in the future, and it won't always be like this.

[marqueemoon4]

its funny after writing this this afternoon my stomach hurts and I'm struggling to concentrate. i guess at this point there are still ups and downs just not the huge ones I was experiencing before. sigh.

[worldgonewrong]

MM4: I'm emotional and just...super proud of you for your post and this thread. You've been with me (and talked on the phone) since circa-Jan/Feb 2011.

I think you're a great man with a lot to give, and I'm glad you're seeing it in yourself too. Love you, bro.

[Mr Scorpio]

Im 25 so i guess i probably am probably being over the top making that claim but right now, i would hate to feel this way ever again.

 

You may get hurt again, but it wont feel exactly the same again, because you'll be stronger next time.

[Exit]

its funny after writing this this afternoon my stomach hurts and I'm struggling to concentrate. i guess at this point there are still ups and downs just not the huge ones I was experiencing before. sigh.

 

Heh I was actually going to say something in my last reply about "hope you don't find yourself going back downhill in the next day or two" but I didn't want to jinx you. I just know enough from myself that sometimes the days when we are feeling good and ready to move on don't really last and you can start feeling crappy again a few hours later. You'll get through it though.

[marqueemoon4]

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement! wgw keep up the great work moving forward!

 

My son told me on friday his mother is telling him he has two fathers now. That hurt. How am I supposed to feel about that?

[shayla]

The good thing about feeling crappy after a time of feeling good is knowing that you will feel better. At the beginning it is so overwhelming you wonder if you will ever feel better.

 

So glad that you saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Oh yeah there is life after a horrible break up, and life will be good again!

[shayla]

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement! wgw keep up the great work moving forward!

 

My son told me on friday his mother is telling him he has two fathers now. That hurt. How am I supposed to feel about that?

 

 

My kids are grown now, and my ex husband told our daughter all kinds of nonsense. I can tell you that her love for me, her respect for me, her treatment of me never wavered. As long as you are the loving father that you've always been, let her be the unstable crazy one, and she must be, telling your child something as stupid as that.

[marqueemoon4]

Thanks for the response shayla. That is a pretty messed up thing to say to our son.

[xenomorph]

I've been reading your story Marqueemoon4 and finding so many parallels with my own (except I don't have a child involved). It makes me happy to hear that you've come out of this with a positive outlook, and your story is helping me cope with my own loss. Thank you for sharing your experience on LS.

[marqueemoon4]

I've been reading your story Marqueemoon4 and finding so many parallels with my own (except I don't have a child involved). It makes me happy to hear that you've come out of this with a positive outlook, and your story is helping me cope with my own loss. Thank you for sharing your experience on LS.

 

I'm glad something good could come out the hell I've been through the last 2yrs. Its hard to stay positive but its what we have to do going forward. This is all temporary, remember that.

[NeverSettle]

My son told me on friday his mother is telling him he has two fathers now. That hurt. How am I supposed to feel about that?

 

Not only did it hurt, but hearing that reminded me of your other thread in that never answered questioning about respect. He isn’t his Dad! Whatever… My, still legally married, 6 month separated ww, decided that her om could live at her new apartment every week and not just the week my girls live with me. I’m still trying to wrap my thoughts around my decision on how I feel about that and seem to just put it on a shelf for now.

 

But you have already made it known what you should do and how you are supposed to feel about that.

 

100% focus on the future, my happiness, my boy, and the people who DO care about me (there are alot).

 

I have so much going for me, and my confidence is getting stronger on a daily basis. I have taken my power back, for myself and for my son. I will always, always be there for him and will always strive to make his life as happy and stress free as possible. No child asks to be put in a situation like this, all you can do is make the best of the situation. My son loves me and looks up to me. I am his only father, and always will be.

 

 

 

Edited May 4, 2012 by NeverSettle

[marqueemoon4]

I still constantly feel like my ex wife and I have all kinds of unfinished business. I would assume she doesn't feel this way. I'm tired of this.

[marqueemoon4]

I fell in love with the most beautiful, exotic woman I've ever met in my life tonite. I'm pretty sure she feels the same. We're going to see each other again tomorrow night. I just thought I'd share. Life can be so incredibly beautiful!

[Exit]

That's great news! I hope it turns into something awesome for you.