Starting NC...do you think there is a chance to get back together in the future?

[dacookie]

I was in a long distance relationship with a girl for almost 6months, she is 23 and I am 20.We got along great and were best friends(she even told me that) and we talked a lot, and i see now that it was too much, for almost the whole relationship we were more or less obsessed but it seemed like she broke out of it and I didn't until the end.Sometimes we talked literally the whole day almost because for just over half this relationship we were both unemployed.Sometimes ending skype calls that were in the 10s of hours...

 

Some things you should know about her before I explain this further.She is very honest with me and I am very honest with her, she would never lie to me.Has been in very bad relationships in the past, cheating etc that have emotionally damaged her, she is a single mother but does not have full custody of the child but is working on it.She has the child for 6months then her ex has her for 6months.I think it might be important to mention that she fell in love with me about a month after she had given the child to her ex...At one point she told me she thought she had borderline personality disorder but at the time I thought this was just her being insecure, because she is a very insecure person and will rarely open up to someone.But now, after the relationship, I firmly believe she has this.At the very least a mild-moderate case of it.

 

About 3 months into the relationship we met up for a holiday for a week, it was awesome and we got on just like I thought we would, not just lovers but best friends.Really enjoying each others company and overall a good trip.Got into one fight but it was silly and resolved quickly.

 

So around mid January things started getting bad between us, more fights, she wouldn't talk to me as much, seemed a lot more busy with other things, yet she kept saying she missed me and I asked her to stop saying that because it made me sad.At one point she said she didn't deserve me and wanted to break up.This really upset me and I cried and when I did she did too.We stayed together but I noticed she would be more quiet then usual and she seemed to slowly become less and less of herself.When we would get into a fight she would say how shes so sorry that she keeps hurting me and realizes that because she is unhappy that she is making me unhappy.

 

So then in early February we had our second big fight, very interlinked with the last one of 'I dont deserve you' except this time she was saying how im too immature for her responsibility wise but not personality wise, she was also saying how she already cares for her child and can't care for me too.She said that when she is supportive of me that didnt work so now ill either do something with her or nothing without her.A day or two later I suggested a break, she wanted it too but really I just wanted to see her response to it.I got very clingy and when she didn't spend time with me even though it was meant to be a break I started more or less harassing her because i was very depressed/obsessed.I made a lot of mistakes because this was my first serious relationship, I didn't know any better but I've learned a lot from it.

 

Another few days after this after I was being so needy she sent me an email basically asking for a break until I got my life in order and she got hers in order because she feels like shes neglecting me and thats not fair.She said that she has to sort things out with her family not because she wants to but because she needs to and that she knows we can work better in the future.She put emphasis on that I should focus on myself and be independent etc.

 

We talked a little after this, she just basically said she doesn't know what she wants in the future and that its hard to talk to me because I talk about us.She says she cant be with anyone because shes not happy with herself, thinks she will be alone forever, and that she doesn't want a relationship.But wants to remain friends.Think it might be important to mention that about a month after this she had her turn of having the child for 6months.I am almost beginning to think that I was a 'rebound' of her love for her child?This could be paranoia but its a possibility.

 

We talked a little from then until April 12th and every time but twice it was me who initiated contact, but it was like talking to a robot.I would try to make an effort to have a normal conversation yet I could predict everything she was going to say.And if it wasn't a normal conversation(ie about us) she would ignore or on one occasion where I threatened to not contact her ever again, she replied but minimally as usual.

 

So since April 12th I initiated NC, I figured that it was a good idea since she had been so cold towards me since mid January.I told her I would be blocking her email, explained myself etc and maybe she didn't take me seriously because before when I was emotional I would say I wasn't going to mail her anymore and then mail her after a couple weeks, I did this multiple times, but anyways she decided to not respond as she always does if I write a long email. I thought I had blocked her but it seems that her email was in my 'safe' list so it wasn't blocked.She can't contact me by phone though, we live in different countries and doesn't have my number, we used skype for that sort of stuff and she is deleted from there.Honestly I would like to get back with her some day but it seems like every day I care a little bit less and less.I will keep her email unblocked but I have decided that if she sends me an email I wont respond.I'll send her a birthday card in late August, just put happy birthday on it and then afterwards wait awhile to see if she does anything then mail her asking if she got my card and following up asking her if she'd like to talk to me on the phone because I said to myself I would give her a second chance because I know how ****ed up she can be with not having her child and that.I have made steps towards bettering myself and becoming stronger because of this, I'm moving to a different country soon and hope to become responsible for myself and not rely on anyone else.

 

I'm treating this like we won't get back together because that way I will heal much faster.I've moved on to the point where I'd have no problem getting with other girls but I'm not at the point yet where I would get in a relationship with one.But I've been talking with a girl who is 28 and she seems very into me but she knows I'm still hurt.She says its okay if I just want to be friends with her and Ill be moving in with her in less than a month.She is very nice, caring, loving, honest.She could teach me a lot, shes been through a lot.She is quite becoming to me and I know that a lot of good will come of our friendship and maybe partnership.

 

But I just want to ask, if anyone actually read all this

 

Do you think its possible me and my ex could get back together in the future and is there anyone who thinks I'm crazy for saying I'd give it another chance with her if I noticed a change in her?Just general advice would be nice too.

 

Thanks for reading this utter cack!

[jphcbpa]

NC means no new hurt. You choose yourself by choosing NC.

[flitzanu]

i think she gave you all the clear info you need. she wants a break = breakup. she wants time to herself, she doesn't want to be with you, she doesn't communicate with you.

 

all these things are her saying "i don't want to be with you".

 

so as everyone else is saying, NC is not for HER, it's for YOU. she already doesn't want to talk to you. you need to realize YOU don't need to talk to her.

[dacookie]

NC is used for you to heal. Not as a tool to win a girl back. I think you need to take stock of the fact you are only 20 and there is a VERY high probability you will go through many of these heartaches. These heartaches help us learn and grow, providing we are willing to learn the lessons.

 

The best way to deal with NC is to try gain an acceptance she is not coming back. Once that happens then you can start healing and eventually learning..

 

Well thats what I'm doing.I've already learned a lot and would not be too upset if she didn't want to get back with me.